Enchanting Music [REVISED]

[REVISED:]

No real challenge looking to tomorrow – not
accomplishing anything, no achievements, only
the chance to practice self-discipline

Paid to create a version of hell with self-control
an end – follow subjectively idiosyncratic rules,
transcribe worthless texts in grey soulless words

Ethically the only goal is keeping sane in a world
gone mad – to play a meaningless game in such
a way that all have a good time

While the self-righteous blind condemn those
who know the game is an illusion, force others
to pay lip-service to useless falsehoods

A morality play where oppressors and oppressed
all gain – but no-one can stop enchanting music
inside… as long as desire for delight and beauty
remains


ORIGINAL:

No real challenge to look forward to tomorrow;
not accomplishing anything, it is only a chance
to practice self-discipline, no achievement, we
are paid to create a version of hell, the only goal
is self-control - to follow idiosyncratic subjective
human rules, transcribe worthless texts in grey
soulless words

The only goal in ethical terms is keeping from
going mad in a world gone insane - to play a
meaningless game in such a way that all have
a good time while the self-righteous blind con-
demn those who know the game is just illusion,
forcing others to pay lip-service to useless
falsehoods

A morality play by which we all gain, oppressors
and oppressed alike - as long as my desire for
delight and beauty remains alive; I know
no-one can stop the enchanting
music inside…

Decisions In Agreement

Reality lives in people’s heads, Terry
Pratchett says in application of
quantum physics theories

I have changed my reality so often
today, I am not sure in which
parallel reality I am

Within the knotted cable or free-
floating already in the lane of a
separate string

Weaving history while including all
its alternatives in bulging knots
that make the story interesting

The main direction never wavers, held in
place by many decisions in agreement
while the details create

As many bobbles as every dreamer
can ever wish to see…

Painful Day

This painful day is nearly over, the awful ending
of the book ‘Moving Pictures’ by Terry Pratchett;
dreams shattered, characters returning to the
mundane world from which they had almost made
an escape; Dungeon Dimension creatures made
a mess of a brilliant new technology – this ending
does not work for me, I am totally depressed and
need a break from bleak ideas; feeling sad about
the state of idiosyncratic reality and my complete
inability to fit into without killing the self-righteous
who waste my time and change the world into a
most forbidding place; please let lightning strike
all those who seek the shard in other people’s
eye while ignoring the darkness obscuring their
own self-opinionated view – even if it means the
lighting should strike me first…

A Great Drawback

Wish I could say what I mean - wish I could
express my feelings, wish I had a friend who
could understand, wish there were one whom
I could trust, who had the disposition and time
to listen until I managed to say everything

Someone to help unravel the puzzle so I can
become reconciled and resigned to my fate,
to laugh at my shortcomings and tease me
for being bad; having lost the ability to talk
it is impossible to say anything – I find

Oblique reference in other people’s words;
trusting consciousness goes on after this
physical existence; free from astrogenetic
limitation in a different realm where the
spirit is free to choose its destiny

Without limitation by a million variables - my
current personality is a great drawback, a step
back in the progress of spiritual evolution; but
it will enrich awareness - though the price for
the experience gained… is painful…

…in the extreme…

(I know the fault is mine)

More Than We Are

Came home singing, Sorrento, you said Here
comes Maria Von Trapp - little knowing that I
was being Leo Buscaglia, happy in knowing
about the Necrotelicomnicon* offering a Door
out of this World

I need these dreams because I had to check a
lease contract for my Calvinist colleague who
immediately queried every change I made – I
only did it because I am being paid; it has no
meaning to me

Whether the rental agreement stipulates lease
or rent or bank savings rates or bank rates for
savings; who cares, irrelevant – if she prefers
her own version I am happy to concur – why
ask me in the first place

She ought to know me by now, sounds are
important, not their dictionary meaning, the
sound IS the feeling, keep your definitions,
I will keep on singing, no need to let one
interfere with the other

The most important thing is to determine
whether I am Madame Butterfly, Carmen
or Christine; which role can I sing, how
far can we go, can we love like Leo
Buscaglia, can we

understand the difference between being
who we are - take up our own space or
try to be more than we are…

*Necrotelicomnicon - reference found in
“Moving Pictures” – Terry Pratchett -
Corgi edition 1995, p. 174

Spectacular Failure

Ran into the office this morning to confess
the French mess to Hanlie, my Stoic Spartan
colleague, as I started to tell her of the chaos
in class – my passionate explanation why
Dominique Strauss-Kahn thought Tristane
Banon came to him with a mysterious plan

Given the title of her book “Male Mistakes”*
immediately suggesting he should illustrate
what it meant, given his fling with Tristane’s
mother, Anne Mansouret, he did not know
Tristane was never told, he thought Tristane
wanted to see his Cro-Magnon approach -

Marine confused; sweet Rima scared; Marius
angered by Strauss-Kahn’s lack of respect for
women and ethics, disorder obscuring the
brilliant explanation of incomprehensible
events, Hanlie laughed with me about my
spectacular failure to communicate…


* Title “Male Mistakes ” = “Erreurs
commises (au masculin) ”

Anne Mansouret never told her daughter,
Tristane Banon, that she had a wild fling
with Dominique Strauss-Khan; so when
her daughter approached Khan with a
suggestive title for a book, he thought
she wanted to taste the same forbidden
fruit, totally unaware she never knew
about the wild side of life…

[Laughter always saves my life, realising this
morning I have the whole day in which to be
depressed, I might just as well enjoy the
sweet morning and the burlesque in my failed
attempt to convey my Sherlock Holmes-
analysis of a current news event...]

Be Renewed

Incoherent people cannot talk, cannot
use words to convey their meaning, explain
what they are feeling, incoherent people can
only wonder about the forlorn meandering
of their own thoughts

Notes twinkling like ice-cubes, passing me
by, no music left, only the darkness inside,
must learn to fill it up with gleaming
interest - the words are lost, empty
lines running on

Without rhythm and sound; tomorrow
will bring a new story of beauty, dragons
and glory, dreamers shall be victorious over
sorrow, bring joy of dancing fellows -
tomorrow life shall be renewed

Delight I Would Go Without

Descent into darkness, vertigo and narcolepsy,
being a thinking spirit locked up in an immobile
body, tomorrow the fight against the negative
effects of tension begins, chronic fatigue is too
strenuous, my head weighs a million tonnes, my
eyes become two black holes devouring the light
without reflecting anything, darkness becomes
overpowering; sinking, sinking without the ability
to communicate my plight, almost time to go home
and continue the fight in different circumstances,
the delight of such self-discipline, fighting for
control of one’s brain and body; indescribable -
I would rather go without!

Unique Tapestries

A beautiful jersey with a cable pattern illustrating Many
Worlds Theory by weaving infinite threads of parallel
alternative events into cables spiralling rhythmically
in colour, sound and form

Evoking feeling and emotion, influencing choices which
change the future and past, creating unique tapestries on
the loom of the gods, threads made up of consciousness
shimmering in and out of existence

History is not an unfolding of preset events, but it is shaped
by every thought, plan, desire, wish, vision and dream; every
pattern is formed by free innovation, the alternative universes
of possible choices

Create the time-loop cables in reality’s tapestry, threads fork
innumerable times before converging again to continue the
enchanting patterns that keep gods and men staring
at the infinite possibility of probabilities…

Play and Laugh

Mom’s friend Tienie went looking for her
last night, after asking around, scouting
the hospital, found her in Ward 2C, took
her pillows and blankets

Tonight Tienie ventured forth again with
soup and pudding; mom fed really well;
driven in the wheel-chair; Director Susan
from Kosmos old-age home

Is still trying to bring mom her very own
wheel-chair for driving on her own – Tienie
called me, so happy, mom taken care of,
earlier mom told me about

The Laughing Club run by Tienie at Kosmos,
how they get old people to play and laugh -
I am delighted – mom is doing what she
loves most; getting people

To have lots of fun, without music and
laughter, life is nothing - she says…

Sun-Kissed Mist

This morning is like a beautiful woman
wearing soft, sun-kissed mist, luminescent
pearls adorning her bejewelled wrists, as I
drive along I listen to my inner voice raised
in jubilant song…

As I sat on mother’s bed in Oliver Tambo
Memorial Hospital, Matron Margaret Mbatha
queried me – What are you writing? – I replied:
A song to the beauty of the morning, asking –
May I dedicate it to you

So when you Google yourself you would find
your name quoted in my poem? - Her sweet
face broke into a smile - Yes you may, but
you must go home, we’ll take care of your
mother – yet I stayed because

I have not been with my mother for a long time,
she cries in pain from time to time, I break all the
rules in order to be with her, should they evict me,
it would be fine – I cannot leave my mother in pain
at a time like this…

Weaving

Adding the beauty of every illusion to
my own vision of a beautiful universe,
the sweet sound of Germanic song, the
stark beauty of Rumi, the Sufi poet, the
lovely rhythm of a song in Creole

It does not matter that these examples
have no substance, colour and form; the
shimmering colours appears in the dark
chocolate of the organ notes, the silver
bells of flutes and piccolos

The form is round and strong, there are no
straight lines in words and song, everything
consists of swirling mist, last night I saw the
weaving of Many Worlds, every decision splits
the weaver’s thread into many bits

Weaving side by side, forming patterns like
cables, curling spirals spinning around each
other for evermore…

The Greatest Gift

We are learning to love unconditionally, even
when people are arrogant and selfish, lazy and
egotistic - we look for their good deeds, their
unique characteristics, we redeem them in our
hearts, keep a vision of them as clever and smart

even when they reject our offerings, our efforts
to help them, we never give up – because we are
humans, learning to transcend physical reality
by creating alternatives – and when we fail from
time to time, when overcome by dirt and grime

We can still turn our eyes back to our mind, use
the imagination to repaint the picture and rewrite
the script, choose different music, make new
scenery – so though I fail at times to support
my child in the choices she makes, though

I want something better for her, I can respect her
desire to do as she likes while keeping my vision
of her as happy and independent, walking and
running; clear in my mind, stop worrying about
the details – when I keep on fussing

I just drive her mad with my expectations; focusing
on the image of joy brings back my laughter and sets
her free to find her own path – the greatest gift of
being human: Freedom…

Change Again

On Monday it was Tiaan’s rugby that kept me
from exercising with Lilani at Inch By Inch, on
Wednesday it was my mother’s visit - I went on
Thursday after Carine came home by ambulance
Barbie, a sweetie, and Joseph, a cool organiser -
rolled her softly onto her bed

Lilani gave me coffee, listened to my account of
things that went wrong, I even told her about my
heroine who sings, cooks, does ballet and travels
overseas, who gets lost in toy shops then goes bungi-
jumping when she is supposed to attend conferences,
but Lilani* will have to close down

If she cannot find other premises – just my luck, for
the first time I have people to talk to about anything
under the sun, saving the audience on the Internet from
my passionate effusions about tooth-ache, allergy and
various aches because hubby refuses to listen to my
prattling - and just when I am content -

The world gets ready to change again…


*Lilani Heath, Inch By Inch

Shadow Play

The challenge is bigger than I thought – playing
charades to make the world go round, playing
games to keep illusions alive, living within your
convictions, following your rules and regulations

Describing the world as you insist it should be
though the five senses reveal something which
is entirely different, not giving away I am aware
this is a play to reconcile conflicting situations

Wait - this is a comedy, once we know that deep
inside everybody chooses his life’s game to learn
spiritual greatness, staying calm, tackling the self-
created problem with resignation and fortitude

We shall all be winners together in this shadow
play, everybody does it, becomes reconciled to
their own choices, however imbecile – if they
can, so can I…

Refusing to move means being paralysed, refusing
to exercise means muscles atrophied, being left to
immobile fixation means frozen attitudes, people
who refuse to follow physiotherapists end up in
wheel-chairs

You take an interest and threaten with aggression
that someone given freedom to remain motionless
for three months must get up again – guess what,
she cannot; threats cannot replace intelligence
and common sense

I am completely at ease, following your decrees
and requirements, life is a game for learning so
here we go, let the games begin…

I Might As Well

By the way, my friend is gone,
though talking goes on, nobody
listens – since reality is simply
one inter-subjective fantasy -
similar to millions of alternatives

I might as well dream up a
parallel universe; since I have
to keep my thoughts to myself,
you refuse to listen, wishing
only the hear what you like

I might as well dream up a
storm – better than the one
which came before…

Ultimate Relief (Revised)

The lemon-meringue for Tiaan’s birthday is taking
its toll, headache, chemical depression, I’m trying
to be brave but finally give in to misery, resorting
to tears, eyes going out of focus – not a word of
complaint while weathering the storm,
pain alienates me from everybody

Wrong time to reread ‘Love of Seven Dolls’ by
Paul Gallico, wrong time to read about Mouche’s
fight to stay alive while my head is burning, wrong
time to concentrate as a feverish heat wave and
stomach-ache make me feel dizzy - I promised
my friend I would not withdraw into fantasy

I play at being an author planning the intrigue that
will allow my characters to solve the problem of
isolation while I am isolated within my own head,
unable to communicate, words on paper my only
release, speaking as expression impossible -
the ultimate relief - tears - while sitting here…

The Melody

Hit in the face by the backrest as I picked up
the chair, a Freudian slip, psychologists say,
token of an unconscious desire to hurt myself,
Abaheidschi-bumbaidschi bum-bum playing
on the radio

We sing you into dreamland, see a star in the
sky as we look back on a year of love, sung by
Austria’s mezzo-tenor Peter Alexander – how
charming, all self-pity gone, forehead swollen,
proud of my bruise

All laughter ran away today, Heino singing again,
ein Matrose, denke an den Liebsten, eine einsame
weisse Taube, Paloma, Grüss mir, Grüss mir dir,
den Liebsten Maria, bliebt sie voller Sehnsucht
hinterher - today I am

The melody of La Paloma Adieu

La Paloma Adieu
La Paloma Adieu
Le soir ma m?re nous chantait quand j'?tais enfant
L'histoire d'un bateau perdu et d'un oiseau blanc
Un jour le bateau s'en va droit vers l'oc?an
Et seule, le c?ur plein d'amour une fille attend
Le marin lui a dit : "n'oublie pas je t'aime"
L'hiver et le printemps elle attend quand m?me
Elle voit un oiseau blanc se poser pr?s d'elle
Qui portait quelques mots au creux de son aile

La paloma adieu, adieu c'est toi que j'aime
Ma vie s'en va mais n'aie pas trop de peine
Oh mon amour adieu !
La paloma adieu, adieu c'est toi que j'aime
Ma vie s'en va mais n'aie pas trop de peine
Oh mon amour adieu !

Elle prend tout contre son c?ur le bel oiseau blanc
Tout deux ils s'ont repartis droit vers l'oc?an
L'amour ne meurt jamais j'ai vue deux colombes
S'envoler vers la mer et que la nuit tombe
La paloma adieu, adieu c'est toi que j'aime
Ma vie s'en va mais n'aie pas trop de peine
Oh mon amour adieu !
La paloma adieu, adieu c'est toi que j'aime
Ma vie s'en va mais n'aie pas trop de peine
Oh mon amour adieu!

We Cannot Sleep

It turned out to be such a happy day, everyone
content, Carine a courageous soldier fighting
against all thoughts of despair, Tiaan choosing
a hi-fi for his gift, fixing his room - Nici pleased
with warms socks and earrings, she made him
a condensed-milk lemon-meringue, organised
by Carine

Her dad made potato surprise with mushrooms,
bacon and cream - Heino playing on the radio -
the kids threatened to stone me to death if I ever
dared to compare him with Ramm Stein – both
Germans singing in deep contrabass voices but
I am not allowed to lump them together, it would
be sacrilege

I danced to the music in the kitchen, Carine said
she did not dance; I visualised her jumping for joy
once her leg is fixed and her neck brace is off; she
feels despondent when she cannot sleep – neither
can I – how can I curl up and float on dreams when
she is awake with a hurting knee – time is passing,
watching Wizards*

We laughed, watched cooking contests - tonight time
has come to a stand-still, no-one to talk to, no-one to
care that we cannot sleep until the pins in Carine’s
leg are removed…

* Wizards of Waverley Place – Disney Channel on TV

Strength

The last stretch before the end, the last few days
before they remove the pins in her leg, impatience
growing, we are all on edge, Tiaan’s birthday almost
a non-event – he took it in his stride, he knows his
sister needs care

Living in limbo, thoughts stilled, my eyes focused on
the dream: Carine happy and well, laughing and dancing
again, sunshine in her eyes, sweet smiling lips, enjoying
spirited arguments with colleagues, victory over pain
and suffering, glad to live

The kitchen a mess, preparing nourishing meals, the cold
overpowering - dedicated like soldiers, though grumbling
when things go wrong; Carine fell today and she laughed,
her strong character and beautiful personality carrying
her through – she is tired

But will not give in – what a privilege to have her with us,
an opportunity for growing together, how marvellous that
her life was spared, how wonderful her steadfastness, she
is an example to me; I hope I learn from her to tackle life
with the same strength!

Somewhere Else

Looking for a gift to give him, today sixteen; I
saw wonderful notepaper – never see that kind
of thing when looking for something for myself
now is not the time to indulge, must think of a
treat that will delight someone else

The small person I used to love who have grown
into the big boy with the thick hair, a serious mouth,
questioning eyes and an abhorrence for lies - a big
chocolate cake, anything to fill the hole in my heart
where that small boy used to live - the big one

Lives somewhere else…

Grave Distress

Throat burning, molten fire dripping,
winter extracting a high fee for the
desire to live, shrinking existence
to a small point of absolute
discomfort

This dreary darkness, every moment
slanted, almost falling over, pitchforking
emotion annihilating awareness of loving
presence, all sound empty of meaning, all
activity devoid of sense

Lost ability to find my way back, still on the
way down, must reach rock-bottom before the
tide can turn, doing nonsensical things acting as
iron posts in weaving my little story, I am trying
to manipulate

The narrative imperative, seeking a new perspective
on mundane activities, trying to find ways to enjoy
repetitions of things I loved before, the raw state
of my burning throat precluding all success and
when I swallow

I am in grave distress…


[Addendum:]

A fizzy drink, a throat lozenge, words of good
intent: thoughts determine everything about the
life we live and our relationships, like magnets
we attract our experience, attention to positive
aspects of others attract the beauty we desire

Thoughts determine who make their way into
our lives and how they behave once they get
here; may my thoughts find more wonderful
people and may the nobility of the people I
know expand and grow; a marvelous idea -

What a lovely thought is this!

Find His Wings (Rev.)

I prayed when my son tested boundaries,
not to constrain him, but for us, knowing
he’s finding wings, praying he’ll discover
his own limits, formulate his own philosophy

Prayed we wouldn’t drive him away by our
criticism – doing just as we did as youths but
worried because I want to protect him from
all that might cause harm

I need not have worried – felt glad knowing
he has to be purged in the fire of life now,
while he is still at home, rather than later,
when we are not around …

(My son turns sixteen on fifteen July, now he
wants to fly – metaphorically speaking…)

A Surrreal Place

Escape, for me, is reading a book...
based on Terry Pratchett's "Thief of Time" where
perfect moments are kept in a glass palace – I have
decided to dream about "perfect moments" and keep
them divine, unspoiled by the one-dimensional
interpretation of inter-subjective reality.


Making my escape to a surreal place - an
unending glass palace - perfect moments
kept in space - resembling Indra’s heaven
every perfect pearl strung in such a way to
reflect every other pearl

A hologram in which virtual reality allows us
to learn how to fulfil our dreams and Carine
happy today, fulfilling my vision of her warm
and content - a sweet dream unfolding in
my heart - frozen blossoms

Will start blooming one day - and once bearing
fruit, a new dream will manifest, imparting the
happy glow of quantum physics in which a Mr
Darcy stares at Elizabeth and a Mr Rochester
calls on Jane Eyre – why -

Because we always remake the world
in our minds …

En Un Mot – Merveilleuse!

Aujourd’hui la classe de française était merveilleuse
les actualités, la sécheresse et la famine en Somalie
et l’Ethiopie - et une message qu’il y a suffisamment
de nourriture sur la terre aujourd’hui pour nourrir
chaque être humain

L’Afrique qui pourrait être le grenier du monde, mais
les famines se produisent par la guerre et de privations
orchestrées - l’Afrique est le continent des famines
pour créer un spectacle pour faire venir l’aide
internationale; et Charlene

D’Afrique du Sud a fait trois tentatives de fuite parce
Prince Albert de Monaco ont deux autres enfants - et
Dominique Strauss Khann a aussi fait une victime
d’agression de Tristane Banon - l’armée du Sud-
Soudan a suscite

Des accusations de massacres et de viols, le loi de
protection de l’information: 'contre le journalisme
d’investigation' n’est pas accepte ici dans l’Afrique
du Sud - et le Kremlin s’intéresse dans la décision
de l’Union Africaine

De ne pas appliquer le mandat d’arrêt de la Cour
pénale internationale contre le colonel Kadhafi –
François Mitterrand s’acoquina avec les vieilles
oligarchies - olé! La classe de Marine Bigot était
en un mot – merveilleuse!

This Is Sublime

The tablecloth of time can be reused without
disturbing the cutlery and plates of events al-
though residual stains reveal inconsistencies
such as OOParts, Velikovsky’s discoveries,
mismatched historical periods are explained
by quantum’s Many Worlds theory; some-
where the apocalypse have taken place

Somewhere there is an Atlantis, earth is called
Gaia, someplace Biblical leprosy is nuclear fall-
out, in other places Mars is cleft by a meteorite,
in a parallel universe Earth is Tiamat, halved by
the passing of Niburu - everything imagined
happens somewhere; there is a place where
conspiracies and underground cities exist

Infinity gives you room for everything new, Terry
Pratchett uses James Bond and Tibetan Monks
containing a Lobsang in a story of Time where
the present equals the future and past and
procrastinators wind and unwind time while
anthropomorphic personifications stalk the
realms outside time – this is sublime!


Thief of Time – Terry Pratchett, Corgi Books,
2002, p. 108

OOParts (Out Of Place Artifacts)

Eternal Duel

Nectar, I feel better, ambrosia, a place of quiet,
there is secret delight in the eye of the storm I’m
aware the dream is going on, you bow, I curtsy,
you smile, I laugh, we make another turn in the
eternal duel of retreat and advance, what a lovely
play, how wonderful a loving presence, how right
this moment frozen in time, transparent edges of
of crystallised glass, eternal blossoms forever on
the brink of full-blown blooms, how can I complain
when such sweet moments take away pain and
suddenly I am riding the stream of your thoughts?

Despair And Distress (Revised)

I cannot make escape from aching head and
claustrophobic dread, I might as well remain right
here and now and seek an answer to the cause
instead – but as of yet there’s none to find

‘In Thief of Time’ the clock is stopped, bogeymen
and monsters move with freedom unrestrained
while I am lost to nightmares in a world without
a rational guise - I cannot talk

I tried to clarify the case but words fell free into
an endless well and disappeared - walking out
felt wonderful, but on return the joy dissolved
and sank away, again I am struck dumb

Outside of time displaced where moments lead
to moments dreaded fear, trapped where only
pain and suffering exist, where ears will not or
cannot hear - I cannot hearken to

The gentle words without a curse of pain, my
ears inflate, mouth drawn taut, my body hurts
and neck is stiffened too implacably, the notes
of happiness I hope exist become a threat I fear

Swaying Then Dancing (Revised)

There’s no escape from scrambled thoughts,
while crushed under a grey day reports of my
mother in pain, and Carine, weighed down by
four steel pegs and ten screws in her leg,

Went out marching, swaying then dancing
to musical rhythms, becoming one with the
beat of the universe, careless to the world
as velvet voices sing delight into my mind

“Let me whisper in your ear, say the words you
want to hear, I’m in love with you, just the two
of us, the only sound that you will hear is when
I whisper in your ear - I love you”

“All over the world people just like us are falling
in love…” and I feel all the people like me
joyously swaying in every possible universe…

Bewitched By Your Spell

Softly singing under my breath
while bouncing around with a
spring-loaded step

A mundane supermarket trip
became a dream event as your
sweet compliment

Changed into a kiss on my lips, my
song changed the world, bemused
I skipped about

Bewitched by your spell…

A Mother's Embrace

Went home to get the car, you pressed
two books by Terry Pratchett into my
hands, as I realized my treasure the sun
exploded in bright delight, the deep blue
sky ballooned, I nearly swooned in my
delirious joy to read “Thief of Time”

Susan’s romantic entanglement with an
anthropomorphic personification – I love
adding my personal interpretation to the
super-cool text, enriching its meaning,
making it more enticing than originally
intended; I danced into Carine’s room

Sharing my overflowing cup, but she was
depressed, today is not my best, she softly
replied with a sigh - I cannot force my joy on
her, cannot take away her pain for a respite,
can only weave beautiful dreams for her
sustenance as soon as she starts to -

Seek the solace of loving company, a
mother’s embrace to make her
feel safe…