Lack Of Haute Couture

Beware Sam Vimes; annoyed by a fantailer hat,
jodhpurs and a nervous smile; Sam took on the
legendary Jane Austen, author of world renowned
Pride and Prejudice, to reform her into a modern
writer, criticized the flimsy attire of her five girls

Sending them to Florence Nightingale nursing, open
a Milliner’s shop to put an end to their small talk, marry
Mr Collins the curate shunned by a fastidious Elizabeth
and deleting Mr Darcy; I must agree, Captain Carrot
lords it over all other hero’s in likeability, magical

powers and nobility to withstand pressure to become
king, though he knows his ancestry, being a superhero;
the intrepid commander sees nervous smiles as dead
giveaway of disagreeable intent and jodhpurs means
burgled silverware seen in trousers outlined in teapots

This offensive ensemble is described with inimitable
Pratchettian aplomb: ‘a presumably self-inflicted triple
misfortune’ - oh yes, I have also been caught wearing
self-inflicted triple - even quadruple - misfortunes of all
kinds, suffering from lack of haute couture

And I mean to go on suffering this way, it is much
more fun than being elegant all the time!


Snuff – Terry Pratchett, Doubleday 2011
pp. 243, 244

Emotional Upheaval

Only Terry Pratchett can be forgiven for irreverently sending
an unrefined Sam Vines into the pristine company of Pride
and Prejuduce - calling this classic a silly romance

Vimes launches into a diatribe against the stifling gentility that
held rich people enthralled within a useless existence, tells
author Jane Austen to write about

Corpses, murder and war – a cross between Mickey Spillane
and Margaret Mitchell; I love his advice about earning one’s
own keep leading to self-esteem

Enjoy the psychological tension Austen described – without
much action she creates more excitement and emotional
upheaval than Mike Hammer and

Scarlett O’Hara combined – only Wuthering Heights and
Jane Eyre can rival Jane Austen in making me
experience hallucinations!

Snuff – Terry Pratchett; Doubleday 2011
pp 69-72

Shivers Of Excitement

Lord Vetinari understands the human psyche so well
he thinks smuggling is rather swell, develops enterprise,
stealth and original thinking, allowing average people
to experience shivers of excitement

Lord Vetinari recommends everyone to break the law in
delightfully delicious ways from time to time, it keeps the
brain sane - lovely advice; though I break the law simply
because my brain wiring is wrong - it still is

Necessary to combat the pangs of conscience when my
brain synapses misfire while I am paid to play at being a
machine, a robot on autopilot, the problem being auto-
function is non-existent in me - it seems

Just to be alive is already a transgression against the well-
regulated people I meet who enjoy being machines and
do not know the meaning of the term existential crisis;
they KNOW they were born to serve

While I always suspect a conspiracy to hide that we were
born to LIVE – to have fun while knowing we can’t get it
done, there is no objective right or wrong, simply a set
of self-made human rules

Snuff – Terry Pratchett, Doubleday, 2011
Quotes from pp 18&19

Displacement

Just finished rereading “Wee Free Men” introducing
Tiffany, displacing suffocating allergic reaction due to
culinary indulgence by diving into the enchantment of
Terry Pratchett’s wonderful prose

Did not want the book to end, the story should continue
for eternity… sometimes I try to leave the land of dreams,
Tiffany found dreams were used to lead people astray –
then I eat things that make my life miserable

And remember why transcending reality is necessary, I
cannot give up the rearrangements I make since living in
physical discomfort is counterproductive; dreams enable
me to experience marvellous adventures

Which cannot exist in my little world and although I would
like to be practical and impress with my common sense, it
is impossible to stay within the boring inter-subjective con-
sensus we call reality, even when clever people say

It is irresponsible and childish to let the mind stray from the
life at hand - I will not give up this delight to impress anybody,
the joy of creative fantasy outweighs all arguments offered by
people with deep frowns and drooping mouths

As the virtues they try to urge on me left them feeling cheated
and bitterly disappointed, I see no reason to join their misery if
I can do my job adequately with several other worlds spinning
wildly in my mind and heart


“The Wee Free Men” – Terry Pratchett – Doubleday 2003

Magic On The Quiet

Charmed by the wonderful wit of Terry Pratchett
in Carpe Jugulum, sharing Agnes Nitt’s admiration
for the Right Reverend Mightily Oats’ kindness in
helping Granny Weatherwax under the ruse that
she was helping him and Granny’s grudging res-
pect for a priest of Om no longer burning witches,
not burning in holy fire himself meaning he is truly
an honest man and bringer of light to dark places

The ramifications of the situations which reveal the
true nature of the protagonists who face them, form
a string of magical events that glisten and shine in
my imagination just as they do in Indra’s heaven
where every pearl reflects all the other pearls

The logical consistent action of Pratchett’s main
characters forming a musical theme that plays
through all his books, carefully camouflaged from
the regard of the casual passer-by who does not
pick up the shining strands to follow them to their
harmonious conclusions

Led astray by the science of materialism used to
lull unobservant connoisseurs into believing that
empiricism forms the basis of Pratchett’s edifice –

And I shall leave it at that, delighting in magic
on the quiet….


‘Carpe Jugulum’ Terry Pratchett, Doubleday 1998

Transfixed

A Dior-clad skeleton, lipstick perfect,
brilliant specimen advertising disaster
relief while illustrating famine effects

A self-centred fashion icon starving to
death in an attempt to stay fatally slim
dying in two or three weeks at least

Keeping to a masochistic regime, she
shall be dead soon; I stare transfixed
such a fate could never befall me

I top up all ‘faux pas’ in food intolerance
management diet by adding more food-
stuffs to keep liver and kidneys busy

Leaving insufficient time to process
the allergens, lessening physical
and emotional distress


“Good Omens” – Terry Pratchett
Corgi edition published 1991
p 71

In Heaven Also (Revised)

The worst thing about heaven is it only boasts
two world-class composers: Liszt and Elgar,
the best of the rest – Bach, Beethoven, Brahms
and Mozart apparently all went to hell:
I shall gladly join them there

Hope to meet Bizet and Strauss as well and that
some enchanting demon finally teaches me to
dance properly, preferably a waltz and a
wonderful tango – like the one Death danced
dramatically with Renate Flitworth

I hope Vivaldi with his regular beat and
Stravinsky with his musical themes in
single row explosions are in heaven
also where I shall not be – and never
need listen to again


“Good Omens” – Terry Pratchett
Corgi edition published 1991
p 55

Righteous Dustbins

Coffee break at ten, whirled through the
antichirst’s birth as retold by Neil Gaiman
and Terry Pratchett - the Spawn of Satan
without hoofikens, looking unlike his daddy-
waddykins as Sister Loquacious remarked

Brought to a Chattering Order where nuns
speak incessantly, however inconsequential,
in marvelous contrast with the usual nun’s
tale of silence broken by delightful renditions
of holy songs all jazzed-up; I laughed aloud

This day is blessed by this great piece of
irreverence, creating a context in which I
can read little documents, my mind held
in thrall by the righteous dustbins of this
saintly tale – thank you so much!

“Good Omens” Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
Corgi Edition 1991; pp 35 and 37

Camouflaged Flaws In Reality (Revised)

Pratchett’s vision in ‘Men At Arms’
overwhelms – the enormous scope
of scenes he paints reduces me
to tears and silent wonder

Sam Vimes’ income spent caring for
widows and orphans of deceased
watchmen; Angua facetiously claims
he spends it all on women

Captain Carrot explains Vimes one-
man pension fund scheme, tells how
he lives frugally to provide for those
he sees worse off than him,

For this he receives fairytale rewards:
marries Ankh-Morpork’s richest woman
made a Knight by none other than the
undercover Ankh-Morpork King –

Captain Carrot – who finds evidence of
his kingship on plunging his sword into
granite, destroys powerful GONNE after
reading documents proving his lineage

But steadfast and strong, turns from his
birthright to the throne, preferring to remain
a watchman – this solid nobility becomes
overpowering narrative causality

Pratchett remonstrates about fairy tales
yet creates luminous, delicate, enticing
magical tales for these two characters,
weaving details as Discworld sagas

Despite cynical commentary on society
and human nature, Pratchett idealistically
creates wonderful bubbles of fantasy,
camouflaged as flaws in reality


“Men at Arms” – Terry Pratchett; Little, Brown and
Company edition, 2000

Dread and Guilt

Terry Pratchett said we wake up in
the morning with existential dread
of fifty eight per cent, randomised
guilt of ninety four per cent, I don’t
agree; only in the morning?

In my experience it is a process con-
tinuing all day long, guilt and dread
alternately peaking every hour with
plateaus of exhausted peace in be-
tween, I try to tell myself

Trying our best is good enough, but
as boring texts follow in succession
realisation of our total inability to
influence the universe grows
overwhelming, no chance of

Forcing any moment to its crisis, no op-
portunity to save ourselves from falling
headlong into the blackest pit, the worse
for being boring, no feelings of burning
self-reproach

For dreadful deeds to fuel the fires of
hellish pain that make the demonic such
an exciting place; no, for me hell is grey,
the boredom of the ages, the manacles
of repressive thought

Keeping us tethered to our chairs while
the planet turns forever - no hope of an
Armageddon to release us from our
suffocating destiny, mediocre human
beings living average lives

Amidst the debris of long-lost dreams…


“Lords and Ladies” Terry Pratchett; Victor Gollancz,
1992, p. 42

The Sixth Flavour: Spearmint

Thank you so much for "The Wit and Wisdom of Discworld"
by Stephen Briggs, I have scattered the quotes I made
from Pratchett’s books all over the house in various
notebooks; yesterday found my one quote from “Lords
and Ladies” - finally compared with the 27 quotes
Stephan Briggs compiled from “Lords and Ladies”
I felt so inspired on reading his, I got the
book from the library and cannot wait
to read it again

My quote from “Lords and Ladies” is taken from p. 97
where Biggs concentrated on gags and every witty piece,
I concentrate on Pratchett’s brilliant ability to rephrase
quantum physics and information on the smallest particles
in the universe - I enjoy Pratchett’s wit –it flavours his
books and makes them glitter and shine - but I simply
delight in his ability to reformulate modern science to
make it digestible in a most entertaining, clever,
striking way

Here is my quote, the most amazing witticism: given that
the smallest particles are called “quarks” with six flavours-
“Up, Down, Strange, Charm, Truth and Beauty” according to their
energy flow – I was highly amused by the way Pratchett used
this information to come up with the best parody ever:

“Lords and Ladies” p. 97:

“Young wizards talk about the impermanence
of every seemingly rigid time-space framework
in the High Energy Magic Building - the thaum
is the smallest particle of magic and was found
to be made up of resons (thing-ies) or reality
fragments

Resons are made up of at least five “flavours”:
Up, Down, Sideways, Sex appeal and Peppermint”

End of quote – I thought in order to keep the
equivalent of six flavours for both quarks and
resons, I want to add a sixth flavour to
Pratchett’s five – the sixth flavour
might be Spearmint, don’t you agree?

Thank you for affording me so much fun
through such a marvellous gift!


[Michelle came back from London with this marvelous
book by Stephen Briggs and gave it to me as a gift]

Painful Day

This painful day is nearly over, the awful ending
of the book ‘Moving Pictures’ by Terry Pratchett;
dreams shattered, characters returning to the
mundane world from which they had almost made
an escape; Dungeon Dimension creatures made
a mess of a brilliant new technology – this ending
does not work for me, I am totally depressed and
need a break from bleak ideas; feeling sad about
the state of idiosyncratic reality and my complete
inability to fit into without killing the self-righteous
who waste my time and change the world into a
most forbidding place; please let lightning strike
all those who seek the shard in other people’s
eye while ignoring the darkness obscuring their
own self-opinionated view – even if it means the
lighting should strike me first…

A Surrreal Place

Escape, for me, is reading a book...
based on Terry Pratchett's "Thief of Time" where
perfect moments are kept in a glass palace – I have
decided to dream about "perfect moments" and keep
them divine, unspoiled by the one-dimensional
interpretation of inter-subjective reality.


Making my escape to a surreal place - an
unending glass palace - perfect moments
kept in space - resembling Indra’s heaven
every perfect pearl strung in such a way to
reflect every other pearl

A hologram in which virtual reality allows us
to learn how to fulfil our dreams and Carine
happy today, fulfilling my vision of her warm
and content - a sweet dream unfolding in
my heart - frozen blossoms

Will start blooming one day - and once bearing
fruit, a new dream will manifest, imparting the
happy glow of quantum physics in which a Mr
Darcy stares at Elizabeth and a Mr Rochester
calls on Jane Eyre – why -

Because we always remake the world
in our minds …

This Is Sublime

The tablecloth of time can be reused without
disturbing the cutlery and plates of events al-
though residual stains reveal inconsistencies
such as OOParts, Velikovsky’s discoveries,
mismatched historical periods are explained
by quantum’s Many Worlds theory; some-
where the apocalypse have taken place

Somewhere there is an Atlantis, earth is called
Gaia, someplace Biblical leprosy is nuclear fall-
out, in other places Mars is cleft by a meteorite,
in a parallel universe Earth is Tiamat, halved by
the passing of Niburu - everything imagined
happens somewhere; there is a place where
conspiracies and underground cities exist

Infinity gives you room for everything new, Terry
Pratchett uses James Bond and Tibetan Monks
containing a Lobsang in a story of Time where
the present equals the future and past and
procrastinators wind and unwind time while
anthropomorphic personifications stalk the
realms outside time – this is sublime!


Thief of Time – Terry Pratchett, Corgi Books,
2002, p. 108

OOParts (Out Of Place Artifacts)

Façade Of Quosimodo

Behind the mask and façade of Quosimodo -
eyes squinting, back bent, hands transformed
into claws, Alice followed her duty, forcing her
hunchback into her chair under Madame La
Pompadour’s watchful eye, frame upright,
neck on fire

Ears conveying no sense, not an intelligent
syllable, IQ falling - - in a world of enforced
calculation there is no space for an Alice,
without Douglas Adams’ Bistromatics and
Terry Pratchett’s Hubert with his Glooper,
an Analogy Machine

solving problems, not as numerical exercises
but by duplicating them in a form people can
manipulate - water flowing through a glass –
now THIS Alice understands, crystals and
coloured water, an Igor storing lighting in
a jar - while a confirmed criminal

Takes over the banking system, lending money
at huge interest only to those who do not need
it; paying as little as possible profit to clients;
even Gadafi’s insistence that his Libyan
people love him - make more sense to
Alice (he has his personal universe)

Than saving dying languages which keep
their speakers in an iron grip of isolation,
making communication with the outside
world impossible; though linguists want
to preserve all extinct languages as a
curiosity - evidence of the variety

Of human cultural creation...

“Making Money” - Terry Pratchett - Doubleday
2007, quoted from p. 62

Glooper Image at: www.algodoo.com/doobox/details/22598

Stuck In Deep Freeze

I am not a golem, though I try to become one,
I make it up as I go but have too many feelings
and golems are not bothered with those, I love
it that Adora Belle Dearheart likes them, if I could,
I would have pulled a switch, annihilated emotions
and become the best golem that has ever been

I think my youth was spent in an attempt to turn
into a golem, I put so many rolls of chem in my
head and ameliorated them yet the end effect is
that I have so many surplus feelings invading my
heart and destroying the uplifting effect of sacred
words, I am stuck in deep freeze like the crew of
the Philadelphia Experiment, wading in a molasses
of thought and feelings that impedes my progress
towards becoming a clay person - pottery with a
fire burning within, working unstoppably,
no feelings at all...

Going Postal – Terry Pratchett – Doubleday 2004
pp. 152-155

Singing Valkyries

Hell is not killing harmless people and sending
them to the Happy Hunting Ground or dining with
the gods in Valhalla, though being carried by the
singing Valkyries to Wagnerian music is another
kind of hell in itself

But hell is instituting a useless, self-important,
despondent bureaucracy with self-righteous,
depressed officials in charge keeping count of
everything, as long as it cannot contribute to
the happiness of mankind

Counting hours spent flat on your back in a chair
typing boring words until the mind turns to sludge
gloomy, unimaginative, obsessive, keeping people
alive in order to torture them in prolonged life and
forcing everyone to pay taxes

To keep the terrorizing system in place, making up
imaginary health problems in order to subject and
pitch one group of experts against another, as long
as nobody wins, increasing overall administrative
prowess, boring each other

Changing the whole world into a general gloom…

Eric - Terry Pratchett, Victor Gollancz, Vista edition
1996, based on description of hell p. 57

Le Disque-Monde

Le Disque-Monde est un monde imaginaire
médiéval, fantastique, parodique,
absurde et comique

Développé par Terry Pratchett, écrivain
britannique, dans la suite de romans
Les Annales du Disque-monde

Un univers où règnent l'irrationnel, la
satire et le délire


http://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disque-monde

Disque-monde
Un article de Wikipédia, l'encyclopédie libre.

A Long-Lost Love

*
Now THIS is how a love story should read –
the young man dies in an avalanche and
when Death meets him, He says ‘Wherever
you go, you go together’ and leads him
to his eighteen-year old bride

She tells him that when he vanished, she
lived till she was seventy, then Death came
and made her young again and brought her
here, to her long-lost love, he smiles and
remarks wonderingly

‘But I had my accident just now, how could
all that time have passed?’ She smiles back
at him with the eyes of an eighteen-year old
lass who had just danced the tango with
Death himself

THIS is what romance is all about, thank you
Terry Pratchett, I shall always remember this
when coming across another story of a
long-lost love…

“Reaper Man” Terry Pratchett, Gollancz, 1991
p. 243 (Tango) p. 246 ‘Wherever you go,
you go together’
*

Thank You Terry Pratchett

*
Thank you Terry Pratchett for saving ‘The
Little Match Girl’ originally by Hans Christian
Andersen, for sending Death, Susan’s grand-
father, posing as Hogfather in the Discworld,
to save her life, erasing forever the terrible
image of a little girl dying while seeing visions
in burning matches – thank you for delivering
us from a most horrible nightmare scene!

Thank you also for pointing out how stupid Romeo
and Juliet were, how easily they could have ascer-
tained that each was alive before trying suicide,
thank you for taking our fear away and giving us a
new take on life, for showing that there is no such
thing as fate, only silly humans with bad decisions; -
thank you Walt Disney for saving ‘The Little Mermaid’
from death and a hundred pained years

To win an eternal soul – These stories used to haunt
me, plagued my sleep, but you solved the problem
by pointing out fallacies; you will never know how
much you have helped me in coming to terms with
the harsh culture in which we live – that gave rise
to spectres like this!


“Hogfather” Terry Pratchett – Gollanz, 1996
*