Melodic Themes

A beautiful stained glass cathedral lamp,
a white heart-motive decorated book stand,
silver wire containers covered in silk and
elegant roses, classic journals with velvet
and leather covers and textured pages -
inspiring dreams of unique first editions

Yet I came home with Fantasia, orchestral
sound producing beautiful pictures through
Chladni’s figures; material objects being
frozen manifestations of sound patterns -
ideas and dreams expressed in melodic
themes – creating the visible world

As a series of fossilised moments in an
eternal process of infinite becoming…

I And Me Hologram

Another endless wake all through the night
for eating curry and spice and all things nice
gourmandise, of course, my body does not
process things I eat - tonight I promised my-
self I shall follow the only diet that worked
before, I lurch and lumber along, living my
life skulking behind a door – climbing into
wardrobes, wearing black - trying to be in-
conspicuous, too tired to listen to conver-
sations, too fatigued to crack a joke or even
dream my dreams – this is terrible: when I
am too tired to dream, life is meaningless

I MUST get my life back – my current regime
of food and pills is not working very well, lost
the ability to transcend bodily life by floating
in astral regions; fatigue follows me wherever
I go, sooner or later I succumb and stop trying
to overcome muscle fatigue and mental spasm
and sleepless nights; I have no safe place to
which to run; everyone tries helping me with-
out understanding the cause of the problem –
the only thing I can do is read my own book –
my Eternal Prayer is, Our Father who art in
heaven, please bring me illustrated books

To rest my eyes and let my mind rejoice, I
am so bored sitting still and motionless as
allergy symptoms proliferate; no-one can
conjure a vision to dissolve the material
aspect of this hologram called “I” and
“Me”…

There Is Nowhere Else

Keeping my mind
stable on a minor key,
not daring to enjoy anything,
do not want to lose concentration
not allowing time for joyous me

Remaining tethered to the here and now
is dreadful, only words about ogres and
witches in a book reaching beyond the
misery, determined to force my un-
willing spirit to stay the course

Never created anything else
hung in there because
there is nowhere else …

People commend awareness and
meditation as an antidote to depression
but so-called reality depresses me, I can
contemplate, but never meditate…

My Spirit Shall Be Free!

Being fair and non-judgmental I tried
the advice of health aficionados, brought
potatoes in the skin to the office for a
nourishing lunch, ended up with chemical
imbalance, so much for healthy stuff

Give me toxins and poisons and everything
deadly you can think of, as long as it tastes
good and gives the system a kick, I need
only live a short while in as happy a state
as is possible, since healthy food tastes
awful and then makes me feel worse

It lowers my quality of life and should be
eschewed with religious devotion, we take
our feelings with us when we die, not our
bodies, if body preservation makes me un-
happy I will have nothing of it, I shall eat
and drink what taste buds prescribe

Living happily so I can share my happiness
with others and take it with me after death,
leaving all rules and prescriptions on earth
at death, I shall love wildly, overindulge in
beauty and give free rein to anger just as
I shall give free rein to all passion

And my spirit shall be free!

Love From Afar

We are held back by limits preventing us
from sharing love and joy with the people
we adore, the only answer I found is to love
pure and chaste from afar, to dream the
impossible dream with Don Quixote, to
reach for the unreachable star

My sources agree that death shall fulfil our
ideals, then I shall be free to love as much
as I want without physical constraints, the
only limit will be the freedom of choice of
the people themselves; whether they
want to communicate with me

Luckily, a lack of response kills the love
we feel quite effectively!

Minor Chord Of Beauty

Inayat Khan of Universal Sufism uses the same
words as RA Moody, a scientist, and Deepak
Chopra of Hindu origin, to describe human
condition right after death

The soul encounters a world it has made during
its life on earth, the mind becomes a world, the
imagination becomes reality where the mind’s
contents, all experiences in memory

Determine how this new life is; joy of joys, delight
of delights, the soul rises to the standard of its ideal
and does the work it desires, oh wonderful, joyous
marvellous destiny!

Then I shall finally be happy, I am going to pick up
my dusty ideals, polish and shine them again, stare
at my beautiful dreams and add a few more, imbibe
the dreams of other great thinkers and visionaries

Augment my own ideas with the flights of imagination
of spiritual masters and teachers, preparing a mind
filled to the brim with the music of the spheres – in
which I shall be a minor chord of beauty!

HJ Witteveen “Universal Sufism” Element 1997
pp. 81, 82

I Offer You My Love

Scared stiff by yet another
half-year review, the bridge
thrown by my soul over my
spirit’s dark abyss and my
fear’s deep crevasses and
unfathomable precipices

Went up in flames, the little
alien in my head fell down
unconscious, shocked, stuck
in a mine-shaft of despair,
I picked him up, completed
the review while burning

In humiliation and fear, tonight
I shall seek the heights of con-
templation where my soul should
find peace; seeking something to
love totally, absolutely, endlessly
since I need your love

I offer you my love and devotion,
my highest ideals…

Carlo Carretto “The Desert In the City” Collins 1979
Quoted from page 18 “The desert is a suspension
bridge thrown by the soul over the dark abyss of its
own spirit, over the unfathomable precipices of its
own fears. Such a desert leads to the heights of
contemplation where the soul, at peace at last,
lives by Him whom it loves totally, absolutely
and endlessly.”

Inmate Of A Madhouse

Lost concentration again, seeing not
understanding, finally not seeing at all -
will buy the cheapest, most toxic pie I
can find to dig my grave with my teeth

Trying to get overrun by a car, trying to
flee from myself, tension enclosing my
head with barbed wire pulling taut, and
I know it is my fault, if I had owned up

Years ago I cannot do my duty, cannot
meet requirements, I could have been
the happy inmate of a madhouse
instead of walking the streets

A menace to every law-abiding citizen
as irritating as sand under teeth to
poor hubby and colleagues…

Our Own Hearts Bleed

The highest value in life and love
is accepting responsibility for
everything that touches mind
and heart

Never ignoring the consequences
of every choice we make, every
action we take, never claiming
the effect

We have on others is outside our
jurisdiction, knowing the pain we
cause others reverberate in our
own hearts

All we do and say touches our own
emotions as much as those of our
victims, every time we cause hurt
and injury

Our own hearts bleed...

Floating on Nothingness

Fast walk to the library, face as red
as my T-shirt the librarian says, a
sleepy heroine, after she attended a
Spanish play (she is in Spain at the
moment) listened to music in the com-
pany of a strict disciplinarian planning
on teaching her culture and manners

She falls asleep and dreams of a hero
who accepts her as she is – I cannot
concentrate on life today, escaping
from being me and living my life, not
creating alternatives, simply stopping
the way I exist, leaving myself as an
empty shell, floating on nothingness

Loving: Feeling Enchanted

Loving means feeling enchanted by the way
another person’s being and essence
touch and influence you.

If a good romp is all you require to fulfill
your longing for someone, anybody will do
so go ahead and enjoy yourself. If you long
for the presence of a special person, without
thinking of doing anything, then the feeling has
value. Sex is meaningless fun and should be
treated as such. Loving someone for their
essence is so different, there is no
comparison.

Loving means perceiving a different person and
a new world as you look through the perspective
of your love. Loving means feeling like a different
person in the beloved’s presence and does not de-
mand anything in return, hoping for a reciprocal
feeling, but demanding and according
total freedom of choice.

Desire means admiration and need and requires nothing
but immediate satisfaction, gives nothing in return but
momentary, fleeting pleasure and leaves no mark,
impression or memories, no scars, pain or regret.

Loving which leads to sacrifice and hard work, leaves a
lasting impression and changes you so you are never the
same again. You become a more wonderful, richer person
once the beautiful feeling and memory of love enters and
nourishes your heart, and you allow it to sweeten your
thoughts for ever more.

Love as good old momentary fun cannot take you high or
bring you down, it is but a nice idea and can be enjoyed
without any problem or thought. If the one you had in
mind is not available, any congenial person will do.

BUT when deep love is present, your heart will be different
and you can go as high as you allow yourself to go.

Nici’s Sixteenth Birthday

Nici’s sixteenth birthday, loving and
self-confident, chasing rainbows and
friends, I cry for the passage of time
when I am alone, the short, brief mo-
ment she belonged to me as a little
child almost gone

Asserting herself she becomes wiser
and braver, we do not clash as we give
her freedom to develop her strength,
she is very superior, looks down on
her mom as a kind of archaic child
while I believe

Kids bring direct connections to faith,
hope and energy and should be allowed
to teach their elders, she loves being in
charge, taking the lead, she gets the op-
portunity to be the lady of the house
in her childhood home

Testing herself before she faces the world
I keep my tears to myself, she delights in
being grown-up while I quietly Iament the
loss of my little girl

12 September 2009

Translation by Machine If You Please

If it does not charm or satisfy
eliminate by turning all your
attention to your preferences
instead

Exploring problems prevents
the visualisation of pleasing
substitutes, vibrating in
another frequency

Focus on beautiful alternatives
to attract favourite pastimes to
you; oh dear, I wish for more
fun and song

Transmuting boring red lines
into boring versions in blue
is a most soul-destroying
activity

A joyless text recreated in
another language spreads
the pain of awareness to
new victims

The solution is translation
by machine if you please!

Perfect Brain-Dead Human Being

This is the ideal, I have changed
into a machine, staring ahead,
translating a steady stream of
little complaints of small-minded
people requesting regulations
against people walking dogs on
sidewalks and breeding birds

Mission accomplished, I am turning
into the perfect, mindless official
who does not expand her cons-
ciousness beyond her boring do-
cuments, the perfect brain-dead
human being with which the spirit
of the world can be killed, bit by bit

Initiative extinguished, no existential
feelings jumping up to spoil the rhythm
of fingers typing diligently, asking for
roads to be fixed, Mr President, criminal
records to be erased, a new start for
everyone; for this inanity I will receive
a goodly salary, but preparations for

Eternity will lead to my decline; this is
the dream society where we need not make
robots, we simply change people into
machines, it is the most comforting
experience, swaying to the sweet music
in my head while typing words that never
lived, all still-born, completely dead…

Celestial Ecstasy In Divine Mystery

Satinover’s ‘Bible Code Truth’ published
by Sidgwick, delightful parallels between
Cryptology and Judaism, the Torah and
Quantum Mechanics, celestial ecstasy in
the divine mystery of the Torah preserved
without changes over millenia - Why do
trained scribes copy the Torah by hand
without making any mistakes?

‘Omit or change a single iota from the
Torah and you destroy the universe’
rings an ominous cry, relating to the
Christian Scriptures: ‘Not the smallest
letter, not the stroke of a pen, will dis-
appear from the Torah until all is ac-
complished’. Three probable Gulf War
dates were found in close proximity

in Torah Text Gulf War reference, on the
closest one of them - 18 January 1991 -
the first scud* fell on Tell Aviv, with very
little effect, 39 scuds hit Israel without any
fatality, President Herzog claimed Divine
Intervention, General Moshe Bar Kochba
exclaimed ‘I have no rational explanation
for these wondrous events!’

Nachman Shai declared ‘The Butcher from
Baghdad* threatened to incinerate half of
Israel; our salvation is beyond all under-
standing, such a wondrous example of the
miraculous’ – I bow my head, in awe and
respect for the sacred ground I tread...

Quoted from Dr Jeffrey Satinover “The Truth
Behind The Bible Code” Sidgwick and Jackson,
1997, pp. 4-5, 173-182

Torah = First five books of the Bible, Iraqi scud missiles,
President Chaim Herzog, Saddam Hussein, General
Moshe Bar Kochba, Brigadier General Nachman Shai

Confessions Of An Aficionado…

27 January 2009 –

…of culinary delights…

There, I have blown it, ate a healthy breakfast
at the Wimpy and the factory in my brain closed
down for the day, the machines responsible for
ethics and duty completely swamped by a
chemical soup leaving a Phineas Gage clone
in its place, bereft of interest and responsibility,
kept standing only by a genetic predisposition
towards pride only, unwilling to divulge to others
the extent of the damage done by eating a
breakfast of muesli and fresh fruit in an attempt
to counter the effect of eating badly prepared
restaurant meat last night, now life is become
a fight against nihilism and lassitude...

I’ll Never Die…

I suppose the best strategy is to read the books
I found in the library: The Power Of Crystals,
harnessing Crystal Energy to Revitalize my Life –
by Denise Whichello Brown – published by Silverdale
Books, 2002 – CARING for crystals is a lot of work –

then USING crystals on the Chakras – the Red Earth

Chakra stands for Survival and Security, if imbalanced

we are not grounded without a strong physical will to be

on the earth plane - Oh no, I can’t seem to escape the

earth plane at all, I have too much strength, courage and

stamina – I’ll never die if life continues this way!

No Spiritual Respite

Now’s the time to test my resolve, unable to sleep,
the direct result of my idiotic choice to eat what the
rest of the family had: hamburger patties, determined
to enjoy the illicit pleasure of white rolls also;

bravely announcing I’ll take my punishment – but now
that I’m in the situation, unable to bend my neck or sleep
at all; painkillers unable to stop the pain in my head, once
again it is painfully clear that dietary rules

are my only recourse for a better quality life, I stare at
the picture of purple fairies without seeing anything,
untouched in my steel cage of painful bars, wondering
how to apply positive teaching that the right attitude

would take the pain away – clearly I cannot master the
right concentration on a subject of meditation, I remain
in my own earthly frame, bound to this moment without
escape, stuck in space-time

the only explanation that I must have chosen suffering
before coming to the earth plane, otherwise quantum
physics and New Age theory make no sense – frankly,
right now nothing makes sense

definitely not the heavy pain in my stomach or the
iron steel tightening around my head, having failed to
master religious ecstasy, there is no respite
of a spiritual kind…