Fragile Dreams

Sad at work as foreign language texts are outsourced
to private companies by local Language Units and I’m
left without a steep mountain to climb - or stormy seas
to traverse, without a new challenge I drive myself out
of my mind - much worse than exterior threats leaving
my inner citadel intact since these internal revolutions
entail my conscience attacking my work ethic

For not fighting to relieve all foreign language problems;
without taking note of the fact that there is no work and
it’s difficult to challenge myself as nothing is relevant in
terms of my ideal of beauty & improving the life of other
people, my help in other languages led to such righteous
indignation by a colleague - I was shocked into realising
I don’t meet the standard of officials gifted with

Repressed imagination & unencumbered by emotions to
conquer official forms without boredom - whereas for me
texts are a minefield of provocative ideas and my reaction
is so irrelevant to our bureaucracy, the air seemed to turn
toxic: I humbly grovel in gratitude for the privilege to earn
a salary to pay for my children’s education; also the Lord
& Master of the Crocodile Castle can’t understand

Why this crocodile is losing the emotional battle to survive
in the over-regulated world where I’m just an anachronism,
a dinosaur that should have been extinct before the advent
of the modern assembly-line patterns which destroy unique
feeling, individual expression - and fragile dreams…

Quagmire of Despair [Rev]

I don’t know what went wrong after I fell headlong
into a spiralling abyss & the background feeling of
trust’s suddenly gone as if life took a wrong turn -
Wisdom & Hope left on a journey without me and
I’m stuck going nowhere in some kind of repetitive
routine in a replay of the same things over & over
again & my wish for spiritual growth or some kind
of insight, remains unfulfilled at this time

My dream to create something beautiful seems to
hang in the air - an illusion without manifestation
with the only escape from suffocation in parable-
like fantasy where symbols come alive  - while a
desperate search to find something with which to
quench my thirst to achieve, is leading nowhere
and tonight I’m sinking deeper into the quagmire
of my blackest despair…

Sharing My Mind [Rev]

Wearing a delicate cobweb around my neck since
I’m the fairy Pea-blossom living in the transparent
leaves interspersed among dark green trees on a
soft, cool day; later a languid promenade will take
place to view the world through enchanted faerie
eyes & contemplate how to be a fairy all day with 
glorious noble gestures & delightful faerie smiles

I want to eat fairy food - but what do fairies eat,
nuts & apples & a nice cup of tea to substitute
for nectar and ambrosia, can the tree-house on
a TV show induce ethereal dreams of fairyland
hidden in eldritch forests - and can fairy sandals
with silver glitter help me fly like the messenger
of the gods known for special winged footwear?

My couch decked out in rosy state - the perfect
place for a Fairy Queen and since no-one else is
playing, this fairy first turns into Cinderella to wash
the dishes in soap bubbles, afterwards I become a
Fairy Queen meeting distinguished ambassadors
from a myriad nations followed by another formal
promenade with visitors and my entourage

Through castle gardens with bubbling fountains
where lively water sprites & quiet spirit angels will
entertain until our lively conversations on planned
journeys to exotic places to find the origin of pure
vibrational consciousness, will fire the imagination,
such great escapades for Pea-Blossom - sharing
my mind with Cinderella and the Faerie Queen…

*********************************************************

[Original Title:
 
Playing At Being

Delicate spider web around my neck as I’m the fairy
Pea-blossom on this soft, cool day with transparent
leaves interspersed among dark green trees - later
today a languid promenade will take place to look at
the world through enchanted fairy eyes, planning how
to be a fairy all day by practicing enticing fairy smiles

and page through an illustrated book on Israel – this
fairy likes reading & eating fairy food; apples & nuts &
what else, what do fairies eat, can a nice cup of tea
substitute for nectar & ambrosia? Will languishing in
front of tree-house building programmes keep fairy
spirits high - wearing fairy sandals with silver glitter

Couch to be decked out in pink as the perfect place
for a Fairy Queen - since no-one else is playing, the
fairy shall change into Cinderella, wash dishes, then
become a Queen & hold audiences with distinguished
ambassadorial representatives of many nations, stroll
with her entourage through her fairy castle gardens

The spirit angels of shrubs & trees will entertain the
visitors, there will be lively conversation on planned
journeys to exotic dimensions outside a fairy universe
to forge friendships with other beings - some forever
invisible as they exist as vibrational consciousness:
what a great escape for me, Pea-Blossom, sharing

My mind with Cinderella and the Fairy Queen]

Survive Another Day [Rev]

The Other Side of History explains old & new
South Africa share identical desires to invent
history while events take place, - both with a
disregard for discrete inquiry into what really
transpired; as a political narrative of collective
self-interest in introverted and egocentric self-
belief, politicians & freedom fighters alike just
decide what they require then decree what is
to be reported - journalists daren’t represent
events how we actually experienced them

We love creation of a rainbow nation, miracle
transition into non-racial South Africa and the
brilliant new garb for the hapless Emperor of
Truth - made beautiful by window-dressing; &
hire-a-crowd meetings to create impressions
ANC’s a successful governing party; now this
merry band of criminals find running a country
is a precise science based on knowledge and
experience: ambits appropriating tax fund are
practised worldwide - requiring planning and

Diplomacy to leave enough to keep services
intact and allow politicians to plunder another
day - killing the goose is counter-productive;
Africa’s leaders must learn crime pays only
if carefully planned, politicians commit fraud
in all countries with such finesse they retain
the wherewithal to govern; here, the African
autocrats lead their countries down paths to
financial ruin seen in derelict states - with at
best rubbish status, - so hear my cry:

Why can’t Africa’s beloved politicians learn
to commit felony & perjury democratically -
so our economies can survive another day

No More

I’m getting reacquainted with the real-deal headache;
retracing my steps the culprits have been delineated -
my keratin-conditioner project will have to go and no
strange substances will be permitted now my head’s
exploding; nobody need fear my smile blinding them

In this brilliant sunshine - no more artificial, apple-
flavoured iced-tea or caramel popcorn, back on the
straight & narrow - sedately following a lonely road
to relative comfort & ease as chemical depression
changes the beautiful world into a grey and lonely

Place - my poor brain goes into autistic mode, losing
social skills ’til I clump around like a stupid giant and
stranger in my own world, my mind shrinking into the
smallest point, intellectual filling system disappears -
do you know how lonely it is to live without yourself -

Existing as an alien in a foreign body while you dare
not cry because the whole problem’s caused by you
and your losing control of the allergy in not following
the right dietary regime - discipline is needed, and a
responsible, dedicated attempt to return all parts of

Life to full-colour, then living would contain me again;
tomorrow I may be able to hold normal conversation,
stop making inane remarks because my brain’s being
criss-crossed by ants; I might even feel like me again,
when I’m gone nothing makes sense as reality just

Dissolves into one question - WHY?

Idiotic Egotism

Meet a moribund Moral Renegade Movement,
joke acronym MRM, R2 million received from
Department Arts & Culture to provide comedy
Material Trevor Noah & Evita  Bezuidenhout

Jacob Zuma’s the original patron, it’s hilarious
with a beseech-the-fairies-wish list in the face
of ANC politicians’ corruption - devouring their
own brethren through self-enrichment on the

Gleeful gravy-train, President and Parliament
dancing on the Constitution with Nkandla-fun
foxtrot & Zupta-shenanigans-rumba; thus the
Moral Renegade Movement exemplifies the

Essential ecstasy in lack of respect & integrity
combined with joyous criminal ethics, stealing
from the poor to enrich the already rich; story
of the continent of Africa devouring itself

Through delighted immoral citizens sacrificing
its own people to interesting criminal groups -
Africa destroyed, jubilant because no imperial
forces involved, innocently, cheerfully engaged

In ravaging industrial enclaves as the beguiled
conclude plundering is their moral duty & they
are ordained to trample their own people until
all returns to a primitive, primordial state

Accomplished by loving indigenous races and
not by hostile outside forces, the main goal is
halting progress inherited from suppressors to
regress to a previous tranquil phase where

The foreign story of Robin Hood never can be
enacted by the political grasshopper swarm -
exulting in suppression of their own people by
their own people – sounds like a winning

Combination, puritanism replaced by hedonism,
Mandela’s stoicism & reconciliation is regarded
as a weakness to be erased and replaced with
grandiose idiotic egotism

Loyalty And Truth [Rev]

A generation of men scarred by early exposure
to pornography lament the destruction of ability
to have good relations with those they love; a
real intimacy’s impossible since real persona 
is reduced to raw objects in their heads

Imagination’s dead when touching real people;
no reaction unless visualising cheap and easy
sleaze - remaining passive  or evincing abject
enjoyment in humiliation and pain inflicted, in
their real life these men feel no arousal when

Faced with self-assured, assertive individuals
who don’t like humiliation, pain & shame; now
they find they need have pornographic scenes
in their mind’s eye or they’re only robots with
their physical responses crudely switched off

By the messed-up wiring in their brain; self-help-
groups have been formed to break addiction to
these passive-destructive images of sadism as
only way to emotional response without visual
pornographic views, the body’s own

Natural functions are dead, insight into addiction
is important as this problem also afflicts women
addicted to romance in love stories - expecting
domineering men to act in a prescribed way -
destroying their ability to normally love boring

Men; author Agatha Christie warned heroines
against exciting heart-throbs - recommending
the plain and honest, true-in-heart since only
integrity and trust equate to loyalty and truth…

Quiet Sunbathing [Rev.]

This crocodile’s happy living with the deaf-mute
Lord and Master of the Crocodile Castle - that’s
H.E. Lord Scorpio Dodderingham who  refuses
to listen to anything longer than shortened, one
liner summaries & only ventures out to eat - he
sits fire-gazing brooding moodily in front of TV

He is dragging the crocodile and one crocodile
kid into the wild to charge willy-nilly past boring
wild-life in mad search of excitement in lion kills
which is missed in the speed to cover the whole
park in one day, then parks at the holiday house
with 4 double en-suite rooms for these 3 people

Despondently he stares at the high golden grass
swaying in the wind - while the crocodile relaxes
in the splash pool and reads a book to make time
pass until getting home to return to the office and
talkative colleagues, yet respecting Lord Scorpio
Dodderingham, Lord and Master of the Crocodile

Castle, is a privilege I shall not renege, silence is
a life-style and provides the impetus for writing –
life is just fine; the crocodile is happy in her own
crocodile pool inviting the cold-blooded reptile
to enjoy soft autumn heat in quiet sunbathing

[H.E. = His Excellency]

Smile So Wide [Rev]

Why do they add keratin, found in hair, nails & teeth
to shampoo and conditioner - but not to toothpaste?
If keratin strengthens hair, surely it’d nourish teeth -
after dutifully massaging conditioner in my wet hair
& not rinsing thoroughly, why get rid of a good thing,
I put some on my teeth - it didn’t taste bad & there’s
no warning of toxic content in the small print

If I’m alive tomorrow, not dying through the course of
a night after imbibing those strange ingredients in that
eldritch list, I shall have stronger teeth and spread my
discovery all over the Internet - just like those sneaky
advertisements: A woman looking 30 years younger,
doctors angry and the world astounded, just buy two
creams at an exorbitant price, you’re worth it, isn’t it?

Who falls for this kind of cheap innuendo, like the so-
called free astrological reading offered by an idiot with
pseudonym “Adrian” who received my false birth date
and had his minions send me innumerable messages
exhorting me to PAY Adrian to carry on his misleading
claptrap promising he’ll direct my life, what a useless
way to spend one’s day; I’d rather read more silly

Satires of the spy genre such as Sayer’s “The Spy and
the Diabolical Plot” for children - than waste time with
these charlatans - the absurdity in the Adrian project
and this kids’ spoof of the Secret Service is the same;
as for my keratin-project, if it works and I survive long
enough, I shall smile so wide the sun’s glare reflected 
from dazzling white teeth will blind everybody around!

Changing the Witch [Rev]

Expansion is the result of contrasting experience,
we’d never delineate our heart’s desires without
adventures leaving you shell-shocked or joyous,
and the lesson is to release the impossible dream
of having everything as desired; if it could be, we’d
lose inspiration & motivation in a stagnant utopia

Feeling sad on never reaching some goals then
feeling empty on fulfilling a desire so a new goal
is needed to regain peace; has taught me to be
content with shortcomings & rejoice in yet to be
fulfilled schemes like fighting windmills - finding
no happy-ever-after but ongoing quests instead

Always looking for new dreams and challenges
revealed that the Quest is the essence of life &
when fantasies prove impossible, we can change
them to create new beginnings & every chapter
leads to another in the book of life; all stories and
fairy tales are rewritten as we travel forwards and

Backwards in time, tweaking all probabilities for
all possible outcomes, living forever in the dance
of recreation, changing the witch into the heroine
while the princesses escape to be free and true
love’s kiss is a motherly or sisterly embrace and
romantic love is only one of an infinite range of

Emotions - every plot is reinterpreted by the
unique individual mind-prism - every particle
is endowed with consciousness to vibrate at
a specific wavelength; rejoicing in the LOVE,
Intelligence & Wisdom of this universe

A Heavenly Respite [Rev]

Chilled drink artificially sweetened, a diabolical
headache - wish I were dead - my brain turned
into mush I lurch around, bumping into people
& plants, Winston reads his poetry & with eyes
glazed I stare - my new fairy eyeglasses being
the prettiest I’ve ever seen in my life don’t help
much - two library books waiting to enfold my
aching consciousness within blue fantasies

A previous book - a nasty heroine who got lost
in a painting, didn’t create a safe new universe
in mental landscapes-soon as time permits, I’ll
construct a magic portal to my inner cathedral,
using dreams as my doorway to th’ enchanted
visions where my own young-girl heroine lives
a Cinderella-life to save her wards as she’s an
angel sent to help people on earth – so she

Doesn’t go to a ball - when she returns to the
celestial realms she adds unique experience
to the Eternal Pensieve releasing memories
into Absolute Awareness and her being turns
into joyous alto melodies thus enhancing the
sopranos singing vibrato, floating above soft
velvet bass voice accompaniment within this
heavenly respite where everyone becomes

Anything they want: thereafter she changes
into a fragrant rose, soft pink, which used to
bring tears of delight to her eyes where she
was a maid serving & saving the confused
people in the house of drudge: Never shall
her shining countenance be the blackened
slave of anyone again!

Disbelieve [Rev]

When Israel is faithless - forgetting its history,
turning into atheists - they lose the only thing
that saved them from their enemies: the laser
-like bond of faith focused upon their goal of
becoming completely righteous

When Israel is not united in a consciousness
directed as a powerful beam to change sub-
atomic particles, they cannot stand against
opposition in the Middle East; Israel can’t
stop terrorist acts against them when

They disbelieve their own history; there’s no
justification for Israel’s existence as a nation
when God won’t give them victory & punishes
them for His Name’s sake; God will not give
them miraculous victories

If Israel doesn’t rely on Him for protection, the
Jewish nation would suffer in captivity to bring
them to repentance; God blesses all nations
following His righteousness - be they Arabs,
Americans, Europeans or Africans…

Giddy With Excitement (Rev.)

Giddy with excitement I run about gossiping
about the waterfall in the office building; our
parking garage’s under water & the pension
office’s door is open letting waters through -
with it tumbling down the escalator shaft &
creating a great atmosphere - I love the

Challenge and adventure posed by my office
life - always a new event, formerly sewerage,
& not so salubrious I have to say - but still a
change of scene without moving place - I’m
grateful for the change of pace, laughing as
colleagues joke about swimming in Our

Jungle; Madame Pompadour is missing out,
she is in hibernation & doesn’t come to work,
without bothering about leave forms I’d add,
her boss isn’t here - so we minor officials in
the trenches have all the fun; may the world
rejoice with us, a waterfall at work sounds

Like a fairy tale - & so it is, a fantasy come
alive to bring joy to little officials - like ME!

An Impossible Feat

The Queen of Hearts celebrated 82 musical
years with a garden party held by my kind
Duchess & flamingos mingled with guests,
Alice in Wonderland finds no exit to go visit
Mother-Queen and Duchess-sis in De Rust,
Petruschka is holding his own among sleepy
old dowagers living in this mountain village,
bought a farm for him and my Duchess-sis

While the Lord and Master of the Crocodile
Castle has ordained a visit to the wild will
save him from the fires unleashed by his
Phoenix-mind heating up for the final fight
between the forces of darkness & angels
of light, the Crocodile in me has no hope
of escape into a positive mental state as
my reptilian gyroscope is stuck on Frida

Boccara’s Windmills of my Mind turning
in spirals without Mary Poppins’ help on
wonderful carousels of dancing bankers
flying kites with Mr Banks; I sigh, Alice in
Wonderland is sucked into a mental air-
pocket & breaking away is an impossible
feat in the same vein as Don Quixote’s
fights with the windmill…

Under The Radar [Rev]

A colleague in tears, accused of over-abundant excellence
and daring to complete an assignment - accepting election
by the group to present their consensus on set questions -
and thus disgusted the lecturer - who took them to task for
assigning the only white person present to speak for them,
an insensitive way to deal with a sensitive problem
 
She must keep a low-profile in class, not catch the eye by
replying otherwise she's against transformation & how can
disadvantaged shine if wrong-coloured people excel - she
was pilloried by an accusing forefinger, "You, ma'am, must
learn to stand back" - it’s a shame when transformation is
the name of the game; but she must hide her light under a

Bushel, work for low marks like Audrey Hepburn in The Nun
who was told to fail tests - to save a jealous nun from sin as
envy eroded her sinful soul - although my colleague did very
well in tests it was those of African descent only receiving
congratulations - theirs is the only light allowed to shine in a
transformation which requires the only white person to fly

Under the radar…

A Smokescreen

Bragging at work, telling alI I’m over saying goodbye
to my daughter, going home to eat and eat and eat,
bread, granola and instant oats & wondering what’s
going on, why am I depressed looking at the lovely
book that inspired me last night to plan a lesson in
writing for kids: how they would have to write their
stories in groups then shorten by focusing on main
elements, after that - reading the prescribed book
to let them discover what good writing is all about:

Polishing, filing, cutting and weeding an original text,
a great work of art starts as a long winding road of
thoughts which the author and editor cut away until
only the essence, the main theme and all the special
supporting chords are left - what a fantasy – what a
great dream: getting kids to understand by doing &
upstaging their elders, though after indulging in the
visionary excitement I still don’t feel well as some-
thing’s wrong, something’s gone – oh yes -

My daughter’s in Mexico for six months, looks like
my bandied about calm was just a smoke-screen
to fool myself….

Respite [Rev]

I tried to forge a close relationship with my performance
assessment - changing the font - studying the contents;
yet right then my pathetic project came to an end - dead
lines relaying moth-eaten minutes, & cold hours lived by
an ordinary human specimen without beauty, charm - or
intrigue of soap opera - without humorous slapstick; it

Just states 5 docs in and 5 out - tra-la; what a marvellous
victory over adversity - what triumph for the human spirit -
and recorded electronically, how inspiring is that; what an
electrifying challenge it is: - stop and record - ad infinitum,
the employee arrived on time, drank coffee & tea, told her
colleagues about last night’s movie - made a list and did

Research, found the required terms & used them in ways
irritating a mighty superior’s fine-tuned nerves - changed
the text immediately to illustrate how much more weight a
higher title carries in crushing a little soldier’s spirit, which
is tested in the trenches, and who shall never understand
profound and intricate complexities in pedantic superiors’

heads - so this toxic text, this lacklustre official form only
gave me a headache; our relationship didn’t blossom as
my friendly overtures lead to mental death - and I turned
my eye to the Internet - hunting spiritual food to feed my
little life requiring but fortitude as nothing offers a respite
of accomplishment

Already A Boon

Like a thief in the night quickly preparing a toasted
cheese sandwich before my beloved gets back, he
would not understand why I’m willing to eat food I’m
allergic to when the weather grows grey & the sun
disappears prematurely, the melted cheese & real
butter makes this an exquisite treat and what more
can I ask than a secret as innocuous as this – and

Sugar-free chewing gum, having already indulged in
eating oats for breakfast and 3 muesli rusks in order
to complement the instant oatmeal; rounds off these
transgressions that made me so happy today, taking
Allergex every time my head threatens to split open
and working with quiet commitment on the facetious
task of self-evaluation, today turned out a success

Yet I rip off my new fairy glasses without rims when
the hot flush - the result of eating bread – destroys
my inner peace, off with the scarf & spraying water
over myself again - but who cares, the food tasted
so good and made me feel life is worth living, even
if the feeling lasts just for tonight, it’s already a boon
I’ll never forfeit…

Around The Bend (R)

I‘ve got to contend with this thorn in my flesh,
with terrible heat then coldness, my beloved’s
on an even keel but I need a hot water bottle
when temperatures drop & the sun starts in
bright yellow light from behind the clouds, I
have to spray water over my head to cool

My overheating brain: it’s very fatiguing to deal
with oversensitive reaction to weather change,
at least I’ve been sitting with the sun blocked
by reassuring ice-cold clouds, while others sit
quietly at their desks, I’m forced into a deadly
duel with the lurking fever within, provoked to

Attack at the smallest air-con change & the
overbearing sun forces me to defend against
its penetrating laser flashes in a fencing game
I don’t enjoy at all, how I wish to be at peace
like the rest of the world, the happy-go-lucky
smugly content insouciants - but the smallest

Increase in ambient heat always drives me
around the bend…

A Doldrums-State [Rev]

The shaving-of-my-head-ideal came to naught,
I rather need pink burkas to hide behind - clad
from head to toe nothing showing, eyes behind
a mesh of fabric or a religious mask - I’ll not be
criticised again, never stand before my loved
ones in all my lack of splendour while my bad
imitation of a pompadour drives them nuts

All they’ll see that day would be a pall of pink - &
by the way, today I suffered the heartache of work
badly done since kind Mother Superior sent me the
wrong templates in the absence of Mother Abbess;
thus I lost all courage and trust, no hope on the
power of Wisdom left, wallowing in self-pity –
but ins spite of all that, here I am

Creating terrifying heartburn by eating chips, it’s
almost as good as self-flagellation - though my
allergic reaction is worse since I lose my mind,
remaining in a doldrums-state until the more
rational faculty - or part of it – returns…

Game Of Life [Rev]

I couldn’t sleep - Nici’s cat kept miaowing and peace
was only obtained by scratching her head, checking
her food and building a nest with a blanket stretched
between her chair and Nici’s bed, a wild-dog stuffed
animal’s fur against her neck: she’s happy and I feel
better after reading Nici’s SMS - she’ll return in six

Months; I’ve already started planning a homecoming:
first day only her dad & I, Jacques with Tiaan to tend
a fire for the braai; next day, friends she’d care to see -
I’ll take leave, enjoy the vivid sensation of her electric
presence - like in chasing me from her room, berating
me for using HER blanket

To construct a cave for her noisy cat, also her hating
my hairstyle so much - she’d refuse to comment then
tell me in no uncertain terms how stupid I was - and I
will hang on every word the worldly-wise little madam
uses, so glad to have my daughter home - and she’ll
complain with a wide smile - what a lovely time, the

Distance between us means she’ll be able to enjoy
her life, earn some money; fulfil her potential - the
pain of separation is part of the game of life…

Sin of Ugliness [Rev]

So here I am, the woman with the ugly hair,
& the little alien in her head - who fell down
and died on being told how bad I looked; it
added, the kids said so too - my work to be
done by an idiot; - so everybody, that’s me,
I am the idiot who creates a miserable life -
the spiritually informed claim we create our
own lives - thus I’m the dunce

Surrounding myself with wonderful people
who can see my many shortcomings and
do not hesitate to convey their intelligent
opinions to me, the only plan I can see is
to shave my head, find a temple in Tibet
or Bangladesh and start making amends
for offending all with my terrible hairstyle,
clearly it is a rebellion against

All principles of beauty, requiring many
lifetimes of abject service that can’t pay
for the sin of ugliness, my slow fingers
never fixing my hair correctly….

Donkey-Skin [Rev]

Everything’s going great, but where’s my feeling 
of well-being; why am I so sleepy, uncomfortable 
in my skin, what’s this sense of malaise; so how 
to be peaceful & content again and how to be at 
ease after these upheavals - to fall asleep while 
dreaming of wonderful things; now my mind just
goes blank when I try to focus on an ideal, does 
it mean I can no more create an inspired virtual 
reality? Well, it shouldn’t be surprising given the 
 
Snowball-effect of eating granola and chocolate  
in a mad dash to fill the holes gnawed by worry;
today is a new beginning, a new work adventure 
waiting: an agreement, a minefield of subtleties
and previous texts with deceptive similarities yet
unexpected difficulties which highlight my lack of 
respect for textbook rules and the administrative 
acumen of the true government official - so, little 
wonder no lodestar is calling; can inspiration be 
 
Based on positivist rules which deny an original 
thought or gesture: let me play an assembly-line
translator – let the show begin since I’m ready
to creep into my donkey-skin…

Righteous

A while ago – can’t remember when – the Duchess
stomped out of our house, angry with Nici because
my darling daughter took MY side in an argument –
I know Nici’s on my side just as I’m on hers – never
repeat the history of family members taking the side
of who is right – the mistake I made long ago – BUT

Today I know to take the side of family, irrespective
of their degree of rightness - only thing that counts
is blood calling to blood – my darling daughter stood
up for me and today I stand up for the Duchess – my
darling twin sis; whoever points out that she’s wrong
will find me irrevocably backing my sis because this

Is what family does – this is the rhythm of life which
is contrary to the righteousness of the Jewish faith
thus explaining the suffering they endured – they
did not attain the specific righteousness which is
required by their faith – at least the fallen nature
of Christians allow them to be saved by another

Who is perfectly righteous in their stead…

G’bye Suicide

Nici flew away into the wide world, to Mexico –
so far-off, I felt so sad on feeling the sparkles
of her dynamic presence fading from the house,
but as she started enjoying the training course,
safely installed in the ship’s crew quarters and
her lost suitcase with her money returned to her,
life looked better – even under the dark clouds of

Granola-induced chemical depression which had
me planning homicide on her dad to be followed
by suicide – so I decided to embrace life, Nici’s
trainer is an Afrikaans female from South Africa
and her roommate is from the Ukraine - Nici is
safe in the trainer’s understanding her approach
to life AND she gets to know the exciting Eastern

European countries – now her dad says we might
accept an invitation to stay on the ship one day so
g‘bye suicide, farewell homicide; life looks good...

Hooray!

Joy to the world, my heart is glad, it’s joy and
joy and JOY! Nici’s suitcase went astray and it
seemed an awful day as I watched, emailed &
prayed, we asked what could be done, also she
was not picked up at the airport due to luggage
problems so she felt really bad and heavy was
my heart, and then she did not eat all that well –

All alone in a totally different time zone, and I
held a vigil just for her, a vigil - stoppering the
hole in my heart with food I should not have –
yet adrenaline prevailed and nothing made me
sleep, alert I waited for Nici to be safe and yea!
the email finally came – her suitcase’s on its way,
hooray, hooray, hooray!