Dark Mental Abyss

Definitely have a Nuclear Reactor
in my system, embracing a bottle
of frozen water to cool down after
a power surge marked by purplish
red-skin indicated radiation burns

And this bumbling bureaucratic life
where malicious compliance deems
to be the only survival strategy since
all others rate as irrational - & I turn
to Camille Saint-Saëns, to seek the

Elusive feeling of relevance - mind
lost and far removed from practical
considerations or positive endings,
now the nuclear meltdown is over
and I feel comfortable enough -

But my head’s empty, this moment
offers no redress: only the music in
my earphones swirls in psychedelic
patterns which create a new reality
without meaning - and I’m floating

On waves formed by grey streams
shimmering with occasional rays of
bright sunlight shining through the
inner darkness, thus momentarily
relieving this dark mental abyss…

[Tuesday 25 June 2019]

Rekindled Old Passions [Revised]

At home for five emotion-filled days - altho
alone, no-one to talk to because the family
and friends disinterested in feelings about
nuclear disasters & music; thus a return to
work heart overflowing, I tell Hanlie about
Chernobyl’s Nuclear Tragedy ‘mini-series’

With scientist Valery Legasov, who needed
commit suicide to ensure the survival of his
account of Soviet nuclear secrecy, & which
led to previous accidents repeated because
reactor design flaws were classified so that
Soviet authorities created the fatal accident

Even tho nuclear destruction of a continent
was at stake - & all this juxtaposed with the
delight of listening to a wonderful voice who
sang Sancta Maria with that perfect control
I could reach only for a few seconds when I
used to sing; my soul was set free by these

Sweet celestial sounds - what magic this is
rejuvenating jaded feelings & rekindling old
passions for music in melodious expression
of rhythm and tone within notes - where the
heart explodes as these divine sounds rise
in such emotional perfection unto heaven

[Wednesday 19 June 2019]