Meagre Two Hours

The only thing I did is to come to work, tired,
struggling for breath - colleagues complain
about strong smell of sewage in reception &
on the stairs, the probable cause of losing
consciousness & waking up when my chair
rolls back, tired I read my text just to find

Cotton wool or cobwebs swelling inside my
head, the culprit - the Benstra Building next
door is spilling sewage into our parking area;
I switch on the portable air-con and fight the
anxiety about leaving my post as it’s my wish
to fight and remain at the side of my brave

Colleagues manning the trenches in spite of
the smell and parking hazards - my beloved
counsels ‘Go home and rest’ but I’m too tired
to make such a momentous decision, aching
ears while brain switches to emergency mode,
I’m breathing again - hoping I can stay longer

Than just a meagre two hours at work

Sink Down

Why am I so sleepy - the office feels like an
incubator with a roost of clucking hens as all
are talking vigorously - Bert Kaempfert does
his best to energise me playing ‘That Happy
Feeling’ but still I feel like a tired bear at the
threshold of my cave for hibernation far from
everyone until spring comes, sprouting grass
in emerald green and then the turquoise pool

Becomes my crocodilian refuge from the hot
sun; until such time my only wish is to dream,
my mind floating above the clouds in resonant
sounds forming a safe place within millions of
bewitching spirals above the earth combining
everything I ever liked, I’m sinking ever lower
on my desk and seek refuge in my lively Ivan
Rebroff’s song - Kosaken mussen reiten, but

It only serves as counterpoint to my increasing
fatigue, I give up and sink down on my arms –
carried on Bach’s Harpsichord Concerto No.5

Flowing Forever [Rev]

Nothing I thought or said made sense, the world
remained empty - bereft of purpose and feeling:
I ran away with Anne Fine’s “Up On Cloud Nine”
and then funny scenes of mock séances brought
the lost magic back, turning me into a genie-like
‘Shimmer & Shine’ - while infusing reality with a

Virtual spark securely based on the finely crafted
author Fine’s cameo of an imaginative protagonist
whose fantasies entertained as well as enriched
his mates - I realised then the reason WHY I write

Is more important than desire to help someon, or
learn something myself; & WHY’s more important
than the who, where or when of my dream:

My main objective’s to learn how to evaluate and
appreciate the shimmering shine of the mind, to
express the experience, beauty & pain, in words
left in public spaces to be freely used or ignored

By fellow human beings - I’m free to concentrate
on the sacred cathedral of my mind, since there
is no mountain to climb or problems to solve, at
present, the only question is what to read next

Where to find an inspiring text by which to keep
thoughts in hippopotamus mode - following the
positive channels which will keep the river of
inspiration flowing freely in my head…

Have A Son (R)

A weekend of soft golden sunshine & blue skies,
an old table and chairs for the sunroom - having
an argument and clearing the air, then finding a
perfect gift for my son turning 21 on 15 July; I’m
amazed his being such a wonderful young man

Great sense of humour, self-confident and truly
a dedicated student - where’s the little one who
cried nobody loved him; I rubbed his back to try
help him sleep at night, changed his diet to get
rid of the angst - how is it possible to miss

The little boy that he was while appreciating his
presence as a young adult; I do miss mothering
someone, I miss small faces filled with wonder
in reading “Which Witch” to my kids, tiny voices
joining mine singing “Because God made you,

That’s why I love you” - now my son makes fun
by exaggerating my attempt at doing exercises
‘til I laugh uncontrollably - I think it a wonderful
privilege to have a son…

[Sunday 10 July 2016]

Phantasmagorical Reality

Do you know the magnificence of overpowering
narcolepsy when you are asleep with your eyes
open, when sitting down means head lolling and
eyelids closing and the world turns into this deep
dark tunnel pulling you down, then by a stroke of

Luck you drink pure cold water and suddenly you
wake up and gladly pick up all overturned boxes,
mounds of books and papers overturned by your
jerky movements moments before, taking control
of life & feeling ready to climb back up to the sun

To find the friends you left behind are still there &
they are the sweet creatures you remember from
before the narcolepsy and alienation behind dark
glasses which clouded your perspective until you
found the magical cure in ice-cold water; if this is

Not your experience - you won’t know the joy of
living a contrast between before and afterwards,
now I have woken up it feels as if I returned from
the dead - thank heaven that water revived me
before the feeling of sinking into the river Styx

With no ferryman around to take me over to the
other side, turned into phantasmagorical reality

Inherited Eternity

Picking up the pieces is never easy - makes you
wonder why bother to blow beautiful glass objects,
fragile and delicate - easily shattered - when these
fall there is such heartbreak, you set up the scene
for suffering when blowing glass, breaking brings

Such sharp pain - why not let go of these ideals &
live in a world of practical realities with its wooden
utensils, metal objects and ornaments, unbreakable:
yet the reason glass appeals is its delightful, delicate
fragility constituting ethereal beauty; though broken

Shards pierce the heart, it passes quickly & blowing
starts the joyful process yet again, just listen to the
tinkling glass harmonica in Saint-Saëns Aquarium
in Animal Carnival, in this world the creative life
process never stops and make-believe “as if”

Manifests everything to make me ecstatic & after-
wards peaceful & resigned - not quite sure of any
possibilities given my limitations, I go to a dream-
world with infinite scope; I am The Little Mermaid
who received an eternal soul by refusing to kill

The prince who scorned her love after she acquired
legs painfully, she was required to spill his blood with
a long, sharp knife to save herself and return to the
sea existing as a mermaid without soul - though so
lively and alive - her death after many centuries

Would be forever, but victory was assured when she
so loved the Prince she saved his life – her sacrifice
giving up her own being & embracing eternal night
brought enough light to bring a soul to her so she
inherited eternity, great compensation for misery…

Another Metaphor - Apology

I complained a lot I’ll have you know, but oh, I
love you so, when looking for houses for sale
in Jeffreys Bay, you found a list with beautiful
homes on which I can dream, you provide the
nourishing roots on which the blossoms of my
imagination can grow, you are the safe anchor
to save the kite of schemes blowing in the wind

You offer practical friendship and help along the
way – thank you, I’m glad you are my colleague
but more than that, a friend who never falters in
her step, a rock on which the house of friendship
can remain steadfast in all storms, a lighthouse
when the threatened ship of adventures meets
loss and pain – I apologise for my earlier wrath

It was misplaced as you are the kind of person I
admire and try to emulate even when it’s clear I
can’t make the grade, temperamental people like
me suffer through inconsistency working harder
to remain tethered and direct the wild electricity
in our hearts to reality, not frittering time away in
dreams, thank you for your time and help, I shall

Remember that your understanding of reality is
just what our world needs to make it flow without
heartbreak and hypersensitivity to the fluctuations
in the fearsome weather of life’s terrible storms &
the carousel of unfounded flights to the deceptive
fictions of our skew perspectives leading us astray...

[Reconciliation]