Starting To Master The Art

Relaxation, letting go, being less self-aware & less

self-condemning, stop trying too hard, and learning

to follow natural impulses, to meditate: washing the

dishes while listening and swaying to music, reading

 

Stories using words like ‘beguiling, gambolling and

gargantuan’,  watching dancing on TV - adoring the

Quickstep, Chachacha, Charleston and Salsa, and

laughing at funny analogies like “giraffe wearing a

 

Thong” and “swishing downstairs doing the rolling,

mincing walk fashion models affect” & delighting in  

beautiful things, the fluorescent grass when the sun

shines its silver light on it after the rain has gone -

 

Listening to a beautiful song sung by a full-bodied

voice under perfect control, every note formed and

finished with exquisite precision; watching programs

revealing exotic life deep in the ocean’s abyss - the

 

Mantis shrimp, fishes with a transparent head so its

eyes stare right up to the surface above - things so

enchanting, beguiling and beautiful; I have trouble

turning my eyes back to the routines of normal life

 

Learning not to force my discoveries on others who

define beauty and happiness in other ways - being

content to enjoy the experiences by myself - which

means learning to respect the opinions of others -

 

That is my job, that is how relationships with other

people work and I’m starting to master the art…

Miss Him For A Long, Long Time

Now we have a new series to scare the daylights

out of us, ‘BLACKLIST’, a new scriptwriter & a new

producer who believes in being savage all the time,

the warmth and soft comfort of ‘White Collar’ is gone

 

Now Neale Caffrey’s charming face and his group of

delightful friends are lost to me and lacklustre faces

grace the TV screen, at least the action’s interesting

and the main character only kills confirmed murderers 

 

And just to save the life of the sorrowful heroine - I

would have felt tragic too if I were her, given that her

husband is an undercover spy or criminal - she has

nothing to smile about; I miss the shining eyes and

 

Mischievous smile of Neale Caffrey’s trademark style

in the ‘White Collar’ series - he really was a ray of sun-

shine and I’m going to miss him for a long, long time 

Meditate And Regain My Sang-Froid

When the death of my favourite character Neale Caffrey

was staged at the end of the sixth season of the ‘White

Collar’ series the shock was so big I couldn’t recuperate,

the way Mozzy reacted when he was confronted with

 

Neale’s body, the way Neale’s FBI Boss Peter Burke saw

Neale in reflections and glimpses in his mind’s eye - Neale

sitting in his office chair, broke my heart completely; when

it was revealed that Neale wasn’t dead I was so far gone

 

In my misery, the good news failed to revive my joie de vivre,

Neale can never return to his old friends and for all practical

purposes Neale might just as well be in heaven & Peter will

never see his friend again, Mozzy must remain alone

 

Doing cons on his own - the image of Neale wallking down a

Parisian street cannot mend my feelings, I’m still feeling sad

deep inside, now getting ready to wash the dishes the only

way to meditate and regain my sang-froid…

….………………………………………………………….....

The dishes are done and I’ve reached a resigned state, the

characters can wait, there is room to continue the story as

soon as the producers see worth in it, meantime all is well

in fantasy land and everyone is safe and I have no reason

 

To be unhappy, now it’s time to look at my own little world

where everyone is happy and safe also and where friends

come and go without getting themselves killed, where the

seasons are in place and no producer can decide to wipe

 

Those I love from the earth’s face, in this reality all is good-

ness and grace and after drinking sweet tea I feel ready to

accept my blessings & rejoice in everything I come across

Only A Melody In Music

I love so many ideas, but the material realisation

of these ideas do not hold any appeal, as ideals

these ideas are wonderful, but the manifestation

of these gives me the creeps, so it makes sense

 

That Lord Vetinari would love studying music in

written form while finding the actual performance

of these compositions offensive, in his books Sir

Terry Pratchett describes this concept clearly -

 

I wonder whether he also knew of a solution to the

problem, whether a ballet could be so ethereal, it’d

present a magical fairy realm without physical reality

intruding, maybe only a melody in music can meet

 

The requirement of being a pure idea, I would love

to be a specific melody, bright and nostalgic at the

same time - changing in texture & meaning when

played on different instruments in different styles

 

Only the sequence of notes remaining unchanged

Eyes Shining In Expectation

I can’t sleep - again - having a spring roll,

samosa and chips for dinner after feasting

on quiche and ice-cream during the day - a

sure-fire way to ensure that Morpheus won’t

come for me, can’t close my eyes, can’t lie

down because my back has changed into

 

concrete and my head’s filled with swirling

mist, due to breaking dietary rules, eating

the wrong food is just like self-flagellation -  

though insisting on preparing bland dishes

when all around me take-away food events

are proliferating - is boring and dull, dealing

 

with a burning headache afterwards - even

seems more interesting than leading a neutral

life without culinary delights, just to be able to

sleep which holds the possibility of nightmares

also: if only the Muse would visit me when I’m

sleepless like this - but tonight the pain in my

 

head is the only kind of excitement I’ll get,

it would have been grand to announce that

I would learn through pain not to do it again,

but I’d only be fooling myself, the moment a

new dish was proposed by the mob - I’d be

there, eyes shining in expectation to discover

 

what new taste sensation awaits; breaking

free from enslavement to the magic of food

makes non-physical life seem so attractive,

no more computer-mind required to do the

thinking, just pure awareness while sinking

into bliss - at least, I hope it will be so, that

 

I will have confessed my sins before

departing this earth…

Ian's Intervention

How I managed to get conned into singing on Anne-Marie’s

wedding I’ll never know, by that time a few abortive attempts

should have been enough to warn me I couldn’t do it, but no,

I went ahead & practised, only my brother Ian’s intervention

 

Prevented the song from destroying the wedding - or me - I

doubt whether I could have contributed to the outcome of the

long years of wedded bliss ending up in divorce - but on that

day I got up to sing and found my breath gone, as if the devil

 

Himself had punched it out of me - thank heaven Ian saw and

jumped up in one briiliant move - to sing the song so I could

follow him - and I cannot thank him enough, the question is

why did I consent to singing for Anne-Marie after a disaster

 

At another wedding when mother played a song and I could

not sing along - but Ian saved the day, thank you so much!

Impressive Sunglasses

With my beloved depressed it is best I stop giving advice,

I should only ever give myself my advice - though I seldom

follow it; at least he does not get angry with me as he does

when I offer solutions to problems he loves - if he has pain

 

In his eyes after watching TV, beware, when I recommend

that he move away from the blinds and the light of the sun,

he gets angry reminding me of ‘Men are from Mars, Women

are from Venus’: John Gray suggests NO offering solutions

 

Just listening when anyone complains; but that’s difficult, we

both love offering solutions - and he gets angry when I don’t

follow his recommendations - while he immediately tells me

‘You’re a fool’ when I tell him what to do, he only wants me

 

To commiserate - admiringly - while he chants his laments

from behind his impressive sunglasses worn in the house…

 

[Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus  - 1992 book

written by American author & counselor John Gray]