To Feel Happy and Well

Multitasking, my favourite pastime, doing three
or four things simultaneously makes me happy,
listening to music while writing, chatting to an
author while researching, eating forbidden
things triggering immune response while
reading surreptitiously at work

According to the New Scientist, immune responses
triggered by Mycobacterium vaccae causes neurons
in prefrontal cortex to release serotonin which boosts
well-being and mood, justifying our joy while eating
corn chips since allergic response leads to a
mental high, afterwards we pay the price

When the immune system lacks regulatory cells to termi-
nate unwanted inflammatory responses thus causing
our subsequent downfall, after delighting in all this
wonderful multifarious activity we are fatigued, eyes
swelling in allergic response to chemical food-
stuffs consumed with alacrity, yet in future

A bacterium injection might come to our aid,
my generation was born a century too early
and immune response to oil and wheat seals
our doom; in future allergic people need to
live in unhygienic circumstances to be happy
and painfree, doing my best to live dirty

Though love for water activities, swimming and
bathing, still leads to my undoing as our gene-
ration was not exposed to organisms like
M. vaccae in early life, thus we have to
work hard to feel happy and well…

Based on article in New Scientist:
Infectious moods: How bugs control
your mind 12 January 2011

Exploding Joy

Being a cancer with a curious disposition I had
to taste the forbidden curry last night, it tasted
wonderful, making sure my little family ate well
I also tried the bread they used for the bunny-
chow and can now pronounce it delicious and
can report my assiduous investigation left me
in pain, isn’t it great how pain is my inevitable
companion

Whether it is a few slipped discs in the neck or
an inflamed arm or allergic reaction to exotic
curried lamb in enticingly fresh bread - the day
before I ate nothing wrong and felt nauseous,
whatever I do, eating or not, ending up with
symptoms - therefore I feel what the heck, I
shall simply eat some more; it is more awful
to be hungry and nauseous

Than insomniac and allergic on a happy full
tummy, hunger is a deadly bore while pain is
more dramatic at least - choosing between
staying hungry without pain and NO energy
as well, feeling lethargic and bored, eating
wonderful things then tossing sleepless on
the floor; I choose the food, exulting in
culinary delight, adoring cooking shows

I love gourmets describing taste sensations in
more poetic terms than used in literary effusions
these days, suffering afterwards a price I willingly
pay for the joy before; eating bland vegetables only
makes life seem meaningless, and it is when life grows
cold without seasoning and spicy delights , cold neutral
grey is more horrible than exploding joy interspersed
with red hot pain…

A Soft Voice Whispering

A soft voice whispering, is this, perchance,
my perfect love, could not help myself,
no other sigh than the sweetest whis-
pers ever heard on Planet Earth

Third thoughts asked, whose is this voice,
the sweetest dream ever known - did he
speak of love unique that brings about
unity, a vision to be my own

The inner dream, sacred love, dashing, hand-
some, his mind turned into a beam of light,
thoughts flowing like a stream of gold,
brilliant crystal soul expressing

Thoughts all new, feelings not known or told
before, describing beauty in the gentlest
tone, even softer than rose petal lips,
more adored than the sun himself

A human being elevated to celestial parts,
the beloved of the gods, honeyed words
flowing from his mouth, lovely il-
lusions created by his tongue

Stealthily entering a sweet oasis prepared
long ago for the perfect love - how could
I know a tiger’s sighs would reverberate
throughout the enclosure

And beautiful dreams would attract such a
spiritual being, entice such a spirit,
one whose soft sighs would lure me
to a new realm where reality

Would become perfect embodiment
of the inner spirit...

Dream-time

today you gave your all,
today you took me to the ball
today you took me high and put
yourself on the line, revealed your
deepest dreams, your highest ideals
making a love of your life the happiest
creature on earth and maybe the universe
today I flew with your wings and you
were also the wind that carried us
up into the clouds and beyond
and I thank you with tears of
joy and delight, knowing
you entrusted your soul
to my care...

List-Free Infinity (Rev.)

Must make a list of lists, cursing consciousness,
embittered in hating auditors wanting to blight
awareness – making lists fills me with disgust
I cannot adequately express

Won’t allow positive feelings about it, with the
requisite power I’d strike down spreading
encouragement ruthlessly – were death an
option I’d use it too or take it very seriously

How MUCH I hate lists is explicable though I’d
have to explode in anger, destroy something
precious the same way list-making lovers destroy
me, I must show them graphically

I’d feel better proving they are destructive things
but my job is to smile and swallow bile, dance a
jig in joy; I happily devour the order to make lists
with shiny eyes, a hateful dagger in my heart

I wish the Multiverse could be destroyed in one
big conflagration – all lists changed into explosions,
all forms of being becoming nonexistent, as long as
there never is another list in all the eons to come;

As long as Life becomes extinct in order to bring
about a list-free infinity

Leftover Delicacies

While everybody scrambled to collect leftover
delicacies after the kitchen tea, I collected the
abandoned flowers until Barbara got permission
to give all the flowers to me, locally known as
Barberton daisies glowing in burnished orange
tinged with yellow, mauve and hues of pink, I
was entranced as soon as I touched and smelt
the flowers upon receiving instruction to help
prepare posies of daisies and roses for each
guest, I had to cut the stems; felt a sense of
joy and wonderment as the beauty of glorious
flowers fill me as I worked, stopped making
irreverent remarks about frayed tempers and
let the feeling invade my senses until my mind
was centred on the sweet delight of being as
colour and beauty, sat down to meditate

Looked up and saw more people looking familiar
I am used to that, every time I see the bridegroom
I ask him from where do I know him and he denies
all previous acquaintance, when I saw more such
faces I accepted fate until I recognised Anne-Marie
my best friend at university, we were overjoyed, I
told her of my Internet fun and she filled me in on
her career and daughters, her sister Mariaan, is the
bridegroom’s mother and he is a carbon copy of her
father who stays with her and I shall see him at the
wedding and renew a lovely acquaintance

I was one of his favourites and he was one of mine;
I left the event with beautiful memories and burning
flowers knowing that life was more magical than
I could ever suspect…

Don’t Wait Until Tomorrow

Duty, an idiotic taskmaster, a moral imperative,
try your best in order to have your face slapped,
it is all you can expect in a universe of people
who should all live on islands, all alone, not near
each other, not able to invoke any duties towards
each other, maybe they should make a law that
every third person should be killed to make more
space for those who want to stay behind on planet
earth, I shall be the third one killed every time, this
is a waste, I thought I was being good and it turned
out I was being obnoxious and disgusting, doing
everything wrong, well, get on with it, shoot me
down now - don’t wait until tomorrow…

Travel Like a Bedouin

Making an appointment at an enormous grey
building stretching for miles, I have been there
before, after finding a parking spot which leaves
one tired and discouraged, one has to walk for
ages to find a booth to ask directions to a hall
where students register, then queue for hours
growing weak

Once I went there with wooden shoes and clack-
clack went up and down stairs, one of the lecturers
said my clonking shoes should be made to play a
tune; I never visit our version of Unseen University
yet this time there is no way to escape, I plan to
take a bag full of food and wear hiking boots,
carry cool-drinks and packets of

Carbohydrate-rich chips, park my car and take a
backpack and sleeping bag and begin the walkabout
looking for Theo Van Wyk Building, stop, eat and
sleep if the trip takes many hours - until I fulfil my
search for the Holy Grail; associating that building
with pain means I shall be better prepared than
Odysseus when he left on his Odyssey

Never again struggling on in growing fatigue – I
shall travel like a Bedouin carrying his whole
life with him!

Hmmm according to Witches Abroad it would be
best if I were to wear breeches and red boots and
carry a cat full of self-satisfied malevolence with
me, this way I would be assured of adventures
also…)

Viva the Gift of Thought!

As usual I could withdraw into my shell and
replenish my batteries with Terry Pratchett
one guy stopped me from leaving demanding
to see the book that had me laughing, apparently
everyone was watching me laughing my way
through the book…

The boss has an expensive rubber cushion on
her chair, one of our coven took it down to jump
on it to see what it could do, both senior witches
were test-driving the new cushion and declared
it completely unsuitable, together we three
witches seemed like such clowns

Then I read a description of a love scene that
would require at least twenty athletic women
in the prime of their life and taking hormones
to boot, testosterone by the gallons, to execute -
I loved it as a wayward fantasy, totally unrealistic
but definitely proof of a great imagination:

Viva the gift of thought!

Formulate New Ideals

I am overcome with a feeling nihilism on finding
I cannot access my poems on PoemHunter and
not having solved the problem with Popcornand-
jalapenos showing my poems when accessed -
it makes life seem meaningless when all that is
special to me just disappears

All that is left is to sit here and read irrelevant
messages about completely irrelevant things
in the grand scheme of life and the universe

I must make peace with my current situation to get
rid of my resistance to improvements, to marvel
because my daughter is happily in matric, capable
and emotionally mature; my son is developing high
self-esteem, plays cricket, experiments with styles

Scorpio is a super-delighted and happy Eagle in his
job as manager of IT projects, conducting a dance of
IT specialists, getting new systems to go online at the
speed of light; although he projects dark scenarios into
the future, wonderful things happen to him

I am in a warm-atmosphere office with colleagues happy
and smiling, making lists with superhuman dedication and
contentment, and although reading irrelevant things does
not come naturally to me, I have not died of boredom yet,
only my brain has churned into rotten cheese and time
stands still and dies quietly instead of moving on

I am turning into a brainless vegetable, hoping it will be to
the good, my life mission now is to make it difficult for official
criminals in high-rise offices to catch freelance petty thieves,
to see to it that letters of complaining members of public are
held up in their snail-pace movement towards long-suffering
officials in the President’s office, thus keeping their lives free
of unnecessary complaints –

But both goals hold few charms, I have reached a plateau of
dreams – there is nothing worthwhile to dream about all ideals
lose their charm; I hope for nothing because nothing seems
worthwhile, things I used to desire seem disappointing, striving
seems to be just chasing the wind as Proverbs explains

I am bored with life and don’t know how to get out of it – the
world only holds charm when my eye puts it there, if my eye
cannot allocate charm, there is nothing in it

I hope meaning-conferring ability comes back sometime so I
can have fun, in the meantime, it is time to be a Stoic soldier
completing death-marches in grey trenches, hiding my despair so
other people need not worry or suffer with me

I shall try not to use my depression to resist improvements
should any be forthcoming – I am so joyously angry that life
has PROVED I have no right to be creative by messing up
my Internet postings, it is difficult to ask for help in fixing
problems; I am resistant to solutions - it is really stupid!

I shall try to become wise, to formulate new ideals…

“Make peace with your current situation, list the positive aspects
of it, then release your resistance to the improvements waiting
for you. If you rail against injustices, you are in vibrational
alignment with what you do not want and you cannot
move towards improvement.”

Razzmatazz

Dearest Shere Khan

You are adorable
do you know that

I never expected
a wild tiger to
know the limits
of his own power

Or to control his
big claws, I love
the interaction
and the learning
and widening of
my horizons, I
love your honesty
and passion, you
are wonderful –

You are pure
razzmatazz!

Alice Dreams

Alice dreams of Shere Khan, sees his bright eyes, hears
his soft growl, even dreams of his plaintive call in the
darkness of the night, in the daytime Alice's eyes are
bright, her lips curling in a smile, as she recalls the
beautiful soul of Shere Khan, his good intentions
and his wild spirit, his gamboling playfully about
and she sighs - I love him so much, the lovely,
mischievous rascal...