Diary Notes

Porcelain Doll 2011/05/26

Our porcelain doll is coming home, you will
direct the ambulance but I can’t take leave –
though I’ll be there as soon as I can, and a
nurse to clean her wounds each day, Nici in
charge officially as I am typically a casualty
on seeing blood

Carine’s home-coming after four weeks in
casualty, you organised an ambulance to
bring her, precious eyes bright, she and I
will watch Wall-E – slowly – you tell me
calm down – please, may the iron pegs in
her leg not cause pain –

Let us take good care of her, let her find
joy in life, let us show unconditional love,
let us be a joyful family again…


The Very Best 2011/05/29

Learnt orthopaedic surgeons are mechanics who
hammer in steel pens, leaving wound care to nurses
and lesser beings, Annelise, an old school friend, a
nurse who does house calls, came and doctored the
wounds, ripped off the hard fabricated shoe so we
could tend to Carine’s left leg

Declared the wounds beautiful, no infection, Carine
teaching others her philosophy of accepting Nico’s
death, house ringing with voices, ceaseless activity,
Carine needs help to the bathroom, something to eat,
cream applied, I wash dishes in between, Nici and
Tiaan share their views of me

Their serial killer mother out to get them, Tiaan says
I drive like a maniac, throws his bleeding body in the
street, rejoicing as he expires, Nici says I am a terror
who appropriated her boots without asking, Carine
my staunch supporter who refutes their lies, the sun
shining, Estelle visiting, two babies

Jannie talking to Martin, all warmth and beauty, her
boss Koenraad, Leanka and Caylin wearing a crystal
necklace - I am so blessed, the mother of children
who chose to live, thanking her guardian angels,
Carine’s biological mother, Leonie; her grandma,
Nico who always insisted on -

- The very best for Carine...


Warm Togetherness 2011/05/31

Not having a nurse Carine suffered when she
came home, no direction as to pain pills, how
many, when, anti-inflammatory medication; it
was confusion until Annelise said every four
hours, doctor claimed no pain allowed as it
would become chronic later in life

A pain pill one o’clock in the morning, another
at five, take a sponge bath in bed, walking for
exercise - still shuffling on crutches, recording
everything to stick to a routine - writing letters
to school for Nici permission to leave, Carine
reading The Philosopher’s Stone

She loves Harry Potter; watching the clock for
taking medication at the right time – bright sun
and bracing wind – warm togetherness - we
can breathe easy until the next operation,
the next spell in hospital, sharing quiet
moments together…