Thursday, February 21, 2013

Mental Hell

Punishing myself has no positive result, so
when it is my fault that the allergy gets bad
and depression makes it impossible to see
anything but grey and black, only escapism
offers temporary release
 
When Mr Holier-Than-Thou, Optimism-
Incarnate, takes me to task for saying how
I feel, I learn to hold my tongue and not to
reveal what is going on
 
Never having solved the problem of eating
nourishing meals throughout the day, I’m
at the mercy of powers beyond my control,
proving that suffering any punishment for
making mistakes
 
Never has any influence on life, no amount of
suffering has cured me of the allergy or taught
me how to prevent symptoms from flaring up
again, tonight there is only black behind my
eyes and no ego left
 
Leave me alone, I can’t play the role of happy
idiot tonight, too ill to put up a show for your  
benefit, tomorrow a gruelling day sitting up
straight while fatigue makes me hate life
 
Let me prepare to get through the mental hell
that sitting still with an unrelenting headache is 

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