Your Mad Carousel [REVISED]

I love you, communication is a difficult thing, you
come from a one-parent home, from your 12th year
you were ruler in charge of the house as your mother
was ill, you learned to govern long before
you learned to love

I write my lack of communication frustrations down to
analyse, get rid of anger, the same constriction that
kept me silent as a child rises when I try to state my
viewpoint and you shoot it down in one
explosive stroke

It does not diminish my love, nothing you do affects
the core of my being, but it makes me angry when
I’m helpless and disempowered as you besiege my
thoughts – yet this is only one aspect of our
multifaceted relationship

Calculating benefit of devotion versus lack of
understanding when you don’t listen as you are
drowning in things going wrong; a broken door,
rattling car driving you mad, learner driver
idiots blocking your way

The children going their way instead of doing what
you say; vent your frustration, I confide my feelings
to paper to discuss them later as the mad carousel
comes to a stop, just know – I love you and
always will…

For Martin
Tuesday 23 July 2013


[ORIGINAL:]

I love you and understand why communication is such
a difficult thing, you come from a one-parent home, from
your 12th year you were the ruler in charge of the house
as your mother was ill, you learned to govern long before
you learned to love

I write down my frustration with lack of communication to
analyse the problem and get rid of the anger building in
my heart as the same constriction that kept me silent
as a child, still rises when I state my viewpoint and you
shoot it down in one explosive stroke

It does not diminish my love - nothing you do affects
the core of my being, it only makes me angry when
you totally besiege my thoughts leaving me feeling
helpless and disempowered - yet this is only one
aspect of our multifaceted relationship

I calculate the benefit of devotion versus the lack of
understanding when you do not listen to me, knowing
you are drowning in a sea of things going wrong, the
broken door, the rattling car driving you mad, traffic
with idiot learner drivers blocking your way

The children going their way instead of doing what
you say, you have to vent your frustration sometime,
I shall confide my feelings to paper and discuss them
later when your mad carousel comes to a stop, just
know - I love you and always will…

For Martin

Tuesday 23 July 2013