What Others Think [REVISED]

A purplish-blue tie bought new at the fête and
combined with a crystal necklace & new lilac
bag to go with the scarf around my hat; great,
and when I showed this ensemble to Thea
and the kids - how they laughed!

Thea asked how much for the new tie, only five
rand say I, bought in support of the old age home;
she advised better stay away from the Home –
see why we never let on she’s our mom; the kids
spluttered; pointing to the effect of crystals and tie

Unperturbed I brought out the large grey hat with
silver flowers worn with the purple mask: now that
shows good taste Thea approved; encouraged I
showed her the hat that makes me feel like an
assassin; a hat I wear every day - the kids said

That’s probably why no-one ever tries to attack me;
people are either scared or bent double laughing
when I draw near, so I laugh with them, who cares
what others think when I have so much fun!

Accelerating High On Adrenaline [REVISED]

Street names changed, Charlotte Maxeke
street, don’t know where Visagie is - next
Nana Sita, I’m lost in my own city, carry on
until I see a sign ‘Airport Ahead’ - suddenly
yellow street-side markers indicate a road
split ahead, a junction where the CBD is
an immobile maze in closed-off streets

Shocked I speed on while right-lane traffic
hoot - pass a red robot, show I’m sorry by
waving, turn left at the junction in front of a
UTE, blow a sorry kiss, Paul Kruger ahead,
accelerate past stationary car, red-orange
robots in a line, dash around a truck to turn
left in a one-way street going right

With hazard lights I slowly drive on, a BMW
takes its time to drive around me, motorists
shaking their heads at the robot, I turn right,
accelerating high on adrenaline - cannot stop
myself, dancing on the stars, jumping the
sun, flying high beyond everything human,
enveloped in joyful feeling, revelling in love

For speed, for life, for excitement blinding me
to all - except glory of the shining sun!

30 September 2013

That Magical Bubble [REVISED]

Mother played my favourite songs - a magical few
hours, I was twelve years old again, sang “Evening
bells tolling in the distance” in wonderful acoustics
of the chapel - we went through the old Psalm book
and Hallelujah too, songs we learned in high school,
every week a new song learned by heart

It was surreal, I was proud of my high school, like a
favourite storybook, enjoyed the discipline – today
we had a special time together, focused, contented,
delight in trying to create sweet, rounded, vibrating
sound – but before we started on the songs, I was
irritated by mother’s inquisition, and stubborn
 
Insistence she was right, though I had evidence to
the contrary in my hands; as long as mother plays
the piano and I can sing in the chapel – no-one else
there – we can be happy together; we delight in each
other’s company, wish we could stay in that magical
bubble forever…

 

Historic And Philosophic Ignorance [REVISED]

Transport infrastructure in Africa requires 5% of a country’s
budgeted GDP while governments invest as little as 0.7% –
they want contractors to build toll roads to make up for the
deficit so they can finance arms to combat internal strife with
the state budget instead of investing in their own welfare

Leaders in Africa see themselves as absolute kings who own
everything, the people must provide in their own needs while
state coffers are robbed by these kings, paying criminals who
offer deals enriching the king and his minions while stealing
from the state and people; while education is lacking in Africa

No Enlightened Leaders can come forward to lead Africa into
a new dawn with leaders just as subservient to principles and
responsibility as the people they are supposed to serve; Africa
has not yet moved into political reform, its leaders sell out
their countries and nations to increase their personal wealth

Unaware of leadership principles, morality and the advantages
of increasing general welfare; the only thing that interests them
is personal gain, there is no moral conscience and criminals see
Africa as a golden goose to be plucked without conscience, who
can blame them when Africans insist on ignoring everything

Taught by recent history and philosophy?

A Question Of Style [REVISED]

One suitably bland, self-congratulatory, negative man
says sensuality is forbidden to followers of Christ, so
no delight in sensual perception; colour, texture, taste,
feeling and sound – that is a description of hell

True believers shudder as Mr Non-life Deadpan-face
passes by – reincarnation of Spanish Inquisition leader
Torquemada: “All delighting in sensuous experience of
the visual-tactile will be summarily burnt at the stake,

Those who hate being here and persecute others loving
this world gain entry into ‘still’ heaven, one purged of
everything, black as night, quiet as space - any finding
joy in this world burn in fire and brimstone - bodiless

Mark you, it is a question of style - for all eternity” only
complete idiots can follow such a religious leader, after
spending days on their knees wearing blinkers and
earplugs to keep out the evidence of five senses -

They’ll suicide en masse, purging the gene pool, we
hope; on arriving in the after-death dimension, they’ll
set fire to Mr Deadpan-Face, bodiless - a question of
style remember; and all will repeat the incantation:

What a fitting end for that evil gentleman!

Can’t Shut My Eyes [REVISED]

Exceeded my allergy limit - beef curry did it - or rusks,
breakfast with strange bacon & heaven help me, how
could I forget, corn on the cob bread made yesterday -
everything adds up, being too happy & thus reckless,
singing for joy, walking on clouds & overcoming the
mountain of junk in the spare room

This is the result: can’t lie down, can’t shut my eyes,
stop my brain even after taking medication; trying to
watch TV, my favourite Wizards of Waverley Place
hasn’t its usual charm, mind stuck on wavelength
irrational - worried that I’ve not worried today - just
like my heroines, right when one of them becomes

Successful it becomes boring; nothing resurrects the
original frisson of excitement while she’s a princess
in disguise - the only plot that works is a disgruntled
princess working to earn a right to look into the Lake
of Delight to become beautiful; since she has to be
kind on the way, on arrival she discovers her

Considerate service conferred ethereal beauty, she
has no need for a beautifying stream: fairytales, like
myths and legends, offer opportunity to be my own
moral lessons  - thus beauty is always synonymous
with personality and character; this from interesting
Bible books - especially Proverbs

The Wonder Of It All [REVISED]

Trapped in my translation, forgot blessings, scowled about my
life then followed guru’s advice - bring in more joy and delight:
started by walking to the shops, wrote a poem, and after doing
necessary things left translation dragon to mercy of Providence
and Lady Luck; talked to new colleague Annette, learned why

She loves languages, greeted Dr Jokweni who enquired after
my poetry, walked to the library, added new ballet book to the
Anastasia group, realised I had forgotten Chief Director Dr
Jokweni is on my side, that my Big Bro, Ivan, allows me to
swim in syrup of his silence; ah, how blessed I am, June a

An efficient leader, Hanlie a ray of sunshine, a bubbling brook,
Annette the hardy perennial with beautiful flower inside; I didn’t
count my celestial blessings - benefits abound, my Beloved a
baker & IT-projects maker, Tiaan, local clown keeping me in
stitches, little Nici, sweet Pretender To Be Bigger than she is –

A magical world, a beautiful, blessed life - AND the library with
amazing stories creating awareness of the wonder of it all…

23 September 2013

Content And Peaceful [REVISED]

My universe has changed, with two Lois Lowry books on my
desk ‘Anastasia Has The Answers’ & ‘Anastasia’s Chosen
Career’ my Sputnik cockpit with controls to the Universe
is wholesome-filled with guaranteed goodness, and life

Shines highlighted in my cup’s overflowing, my flowers
smile and my hat promises safaris in Africa, I’m wearing a
bling-bling ring - cost next to nothing, my queenly promise
thus fulfilled, showed it to the girls at the library counter

A real diamond ring would incur the wrath of the gods - and
be snatched from my finger - such is life in the 21st Century
wearing the counterfeit means safety and laughter; taxis
dammed in Church Street keep blowing their horns

I give way to a big truck swinging around a corner, the driver
is thumbs-up, I reward him with a smile; looked for hair clips
as a paper clip holds my hair - cannot be too bad, it shows
I’m the studious kind of person, at least I hope so

Dawdled in shops with artificial flowers and pink sequined
hats - nearly bought one, found platform shoes that fit and
nearly bought them too but thrift held me back, already
I owe the bank my soul - yet feel content and peaceful…

Monday 23 September 2013

How's That, Nietsche, Goethe - et al?

As an Astrogenetic Cancerian Alice (with apologies to
Linda Goodman and Lewis Carrol) I dutifully called my
Leonine mom, the Queen of Hearts, who was happily
ensconced in a Seance with her Myrmidons

Then I inadvertently tread on the toes of my Scorpion
Beloved whose uncontrollable urge to sting all touching
him, made him retaliate... to add insult to injury, when
I withdrew into my shell, he accused me of hurting him
 
With no concern for the way he stung me - so when my
Aquarian daughter called me to task for leaving my new
plastic cushion in her bathroom, I threw the cushion out
of the window, causing general upheaval

Such is the joys of domestic life; let it be known I’m leaving
the reincarnational cycle and will move on to non-physical
existence after this stint in the solar system; I find it a most
ridiculous and self-defeating situation - and

I do not plan to ever engage in Astrogenetic life again, it is
time to make communication between dimensions possible
and to that end I wish to move between as many dimensions
as possible.  Aha, at least and finally -

I have formulated the purpose of my existence in my
biography, how's that, Nietsche, Goethe - et al?

MY BIOGRAPHY

Diary Notes - Saturday 21 September 2013

Thorn In Your Flesh

You find it irritating when I repeat myself

in gladness - the new rule is I must write

it down when I’m happy as my talking is

painful to hear - good, I’m writing it down,
let me not be the thorn in your flesh sent
by the Lord to keep you humble, let me
get out of your hair so you can be superior
 
Since you keep pointing out how inferior
my family to your brilliant forebears, it’s a
pity I don’t fall down dead in the presence
of so much excellence - I share your wish
that my offending family and I might be out
of your life rather sooner than later - and -
I commiserate with your fate…
 
A Magnificent Day

How wonderful when the office cooled down,
a heavenly cold front, I could breathe, spared
the shame of passing out while trying to work,
how marvellous when June told me to leave be-
fore getting caught in congested traffic - when
I left motorists were already aggressive
 
High on adrenaline after a magnificent day I
drove with reckless abandon, joyously over-
taking all obstacles and competing with taxis,
speeding in every possible lane - Friday was
simply the best day in a million years - cool
weather spells pure happiness…

To My Advantage [REVISED]

Having been snubbed once too often I’ve decided
on silence, if repeating myself earns comments -
“You’ve already told me, I refuse to listen to that
again”, then I shall keep the peace by not uttering
another unnecessary word; you’ll repeat yourself
ad infinitum on favourite subjects BUT the devil
take me when I have the temerity to broach the
same subject without your okay
 
You say if I insist on repeating the same words it
gives you the right to snub me as strongly as you
can – FINE, enjoy your right to admonish me, I’ll
keep my silence - there are others to talk to, but
NOT Nici, she says we both repeat ourselves and
she’d have reacted like you if I opened my mouth
in her presence, she hides in her room to keep
out of our word-play – there’s only Tiaan
 
With no problems when I speak, as well as my
poor colleagues who have to listen to me until they
can quietly turn away; if it weren’t for writing down
my feelings on the Internet, I’d have exploded in
your silent company where only YOUR words and
feelings are allowed – in future I shall read a book
on our way to work, use all spare time
 
For reading and writing notes in my diary – your
awful refusal to listen to what I have to say will be
to my advantage!
 
Saturday night - 21 September 2013

Diary Notes 20 September 2013

Just when I thought this day could not get any better, it got better – after
a great day at the office where I did NOT fall asleep in the heat – the air-con
starting to provide fresh air – Tiaan showed me that he had downloaded all
Terry Pratchett’s Discworld novels by using an app on his cell-phone and it
is all free – and he let me read the beginning of “Guards Guards”
unbelievable technology!

I receive my credit card and medical fund accounts by email and each one
claims I’ve got to download an app to be able to open the accounts, all sealed
for my protection – so I never get to read these as downloading an app is some-
thing I have never done, when I tried before it ended with a virus invading my
computer, now I’m wary of all these downloading recommendations…

Today is one of the best days of my life, I confessed my realisation of growing old
and the joy of discovering that we can still dream and escape from the confines of
reality - in a poem and sent it to our Chief Director who believes in my boundless
energy so I dedicated the poem to him as his positive belief always makes me feel
twenty years younger

And yesterday I bought “The Fifth Elephant” by Pratchett for R7.00 at the library,
an absolute bargain, and when reading “Anastasia Krupnik”, the world changed
and became an absolute dream…

Friday 20 September 2013

Love Being In The Office [REVISED]

I love being in the office with the sweet-smelling
blooms I picked during my lunch-time walk, love
to sit at my computer console as if it’s the cockpit
controls of a rocket which visits far-off places,
even the wider universe - if I include physicists

Love sharing fun with Thokozile and explaining
mad letters to the President, asking her to send
her register of documents to help me do my list,
love humorous emails she sends - and sitting
at my desk reading a wonderful book

Love showing Dr Jokweni my hat and mask, &
telling Joyce and Winston of my poetic sorrow,
but don’t like the official reason I’m here, a long
text on building new streets in the Cote d’Ivoire -
sentences on surveys of roads

Being in a warm atmosphere, knowing interesting
texts will come to me eventually but suffering the
“street’s” text makes me lose courage so I look
for other things to do such as preparing 2 minute
noodles and using it as my excuse to sit back

And enjoy being here…

Friday 20 September 2013


[ORIGINAL:]

I love being in the office, love the sweet-smelling
blossoms I picked during my lunch-time walk and
I love sitting at my computer console as if at the
cockpit of a rocket that can visit all far-off places
even the universe if I include physicists

I love sharing fun with Thokozile when explaining
mad letters to the President, asking her to send
her register of documents to help me do my list,
I love the humorous emails she sends, I love sit-
ting at my desk reading a wonderful book

I love showing Dr Jokweni my hat and mask and
telling Joyce and Winston of my sorrows in poetry,
but I don’t like the official reason I’m here, the long
text on building new streets in the Cote d’Ivoire,
sentences on surveys of roads

I just love being here in this warm atmosphere,
knowing an interesting text will come to me some-
time - but suffering through the text on streets makes
me lose courage and look for other things to do, such
as preparing 2 minute noodles

Using this as my excuse to sit back and enjoy
being here…

[Dedicated to my colleague Thokozile, always ready
to share fun with me]

20 September 2013

Reflect Hopes And Dreams [REVISED]

As usual, lost contact with reality, living in a trance of
stories for youngsters and dreams of mighty deeds to
come; woke up to aches and pains, and a new face in
the glaring light of stark reality

Discovered the flow of time, a new concept entering my
dreams,changing the Deepak Chopra teaching ageing
is only something in the mind, we need not bow to it –
well, he was wrong

The body aged despite every mantra claiming it must
follow an eternally young mind inside and stay young
also – forget it, reality still is a complete and unbroken
line of unidirectional decay and change

For a long time I was blinded by reality as tactile fact
unable to feel the thought behind it all & wondering
whether I could ever write a poem about beauty and
love again - but after considering

Reality’s bare outline I saw room enough for a spool
with which to weave dreams even when we are old
and caught bodies immobile - the visions are still
there, we are free to rewrite memories

To reflect all our hopes and dreams in which the
mind continues to infinity…

[Dedicated to Mbulelo Jokweni - I did not realise
I was growing old and Dr Jokweni is a firm believer
in my boundless energy, so I dedicate the poem
to him.]

Most Blessed Moment [REVISED]

Easily blown off by any wind my light straw hat
needs a mauve scarf tied around the top; it goes
with my mauve iPod, mauve transparent bag to
carry my library card. Staring at my document is
useless, boredom ensues, the moment is not
auspicious for doing anything

Temperatures soar, the office is now a furnace,
whatever I say or do boomerangs, narcolepsy
is setting in, the only help would be laughter to
relax taut muscles; boil the kettle before falling
asleep, visit inmates in this sizzling building to
see how they are bearing up

Please send me help, anything to break tedium
and enable me to make progress, translate lines
breaking over me like so many waves on the sea
which is a full six hundred kilometers away and I
must wait for the afternoon before diving into the
ice-cold pool, the most blessed moment of my

Fiery day

19 September 2013

Decried Or Sabotaged [REVISED]

All community-building initiatives are decried or sabotaged,
South Africa’s divided, works against itself, corruption’s rife;
infrastructure, government facilities, railways, electricity and
water and roads decay lacking investment and maintenance -
internal corrosion is everywhere. ‘The National Development
Plan’, a blueprint for eliminating poverty, reducing inequality,
a roadmap to inclusive economy, is attacked from within the
government that produced it

The plan’s unimplementable - fatally flawed, government en-
visions achievement after 10,20, or 40 years - yet nobody is
held accountable for steps along the way; small on delivery,
executing plans poorly, monitoring progress in a lousy way,
doesn’t iron out problems encountered, messes up programs
for social responsibility, fails to account for funds in proper
ways; public servants have NO responsibilities while
serving the ruling party - NOT the citizens

Read full article at
http: //zerodistance.za.com

By Kathryn Cave,21 June 201

Aber Der Wagen Der Rollt!

Ons Sersant-Majoor-Generaal het die Houdt-Den-Bek-
reël weer gepromoveer om sodoende Stilte te aktiveer
sodat ons liewe Mimi en Azoe en Mr Mohapi se stemme
helderder kan opklink want hierdie oopplankantoor is
eintlik vir hulle bedoel en ons is net die bywoners hier.

Ek is so dankbaar ons het ‘n Owergestelde wat ons altyd
help om op die agtergrond te bly en nie die klanksuiwerheid
van ons agtergeblewe tale in die wiele te ry met die woeste
taal wat ons besig nie; Hoera vir die Ingetoë Deemoedigheid
waarin ons hier sit – terwyl Heino my ore streel met pragtige
Duitse liedere - die Welt so weit, heimlich und still die Nacht

So bevorder ons die 9 African Languages en ek is BAIE trots
op wat ons doen, o die vreugde van Stilte, Vrolikheid op Note –
haai, watse Afrikaanse idiome het jy vir my om die stil dag mee
op te kikker - Kikkoman-sous in Spar gesien, dit is nou ‘n baie
opruiende woord ------

Ich mőcht ja so gerne noch schauen, aber der Wagen der rollt
Ich wär ja so gern noch geblieben, aber der Wagen der rollt

Hoch auf den gelben Wagen... Da schauet jeden Morgen
Ti-ra-la-la, Lore-Lore-Lore-Lore, schön sind die Mȁdchen
von sechzehn siebzehn Jahr, Im Wald, in grünen Walden
und kommt der Frühling in das Tal... scwarzbraun ist die
Haselnüss und schwarzbraun bin auch Ich... gerade so

... Mȁdel hat mich schwer gekrenkt...

Maandag 16 September 2013

Freedom For Everyone [REVISED]

There’ll never be a time when war ceases my guru
claims; if we desire acceptance of the 25% of the
world we like, we have to respect the other 75% we
we don’t including those enjoying warfare amongst
themselves - without forcing our ideas of peace on
them, this makes sense to me

Another guru claims we are ready for unconditional
love, people will be at peace & warfare will cease; it
doesn’t make sense - it means one group will force
their ideals on others, the love-and-peace group shall
violate the freedom of those not ready for this world
of saccharine-sweet love

When one group forces others to sing the same tune,
this coercion destroys their freedom; Western ideals
cannot be forced on those who believe human rights
and material wealth cause spiritual malfunction and
loss of insight - which thus destroys their cherished
religion and culture

If WE respect human rights we must honour the right
of others to reject our principles; the Golden Rule is,
do unto others as you’d be done by, it allows them the
same freedom we assume to believe in our own creed,
only when all parties can negotiate with respect for
each other’s freedom can there be

Freedom for everyone…

17 September 2013


[ORIGINAL:]

My guru claims there would never be a time when all war
and strife would cease as we all want different things, if we
want the 25% of things we like to be respected, we must
respect the 75% of things we do not like; we have to leave
people who need the excitement and challenge of warfare
amongst themselves to their own devices without forcing
our own ideas on them – this makes sense to me -

Another channeller claims the world is suddenly ready to
make unconditional love for everyone a priority, eventually
all people will be at peace, all warfare will cease – this does
not make sense to me - if everybody conforms to one set of
ideas, it means one group will have to force others who want
other things, to accept their idea of freedom – violating the
freedom of people to think anything they want

Even the way we love varies from person to person; if one
group forces all others to sing the same tune, coercion will
mean the ideal of freedom is dead, life will become boring
lacking creativity; human rights activists may not force their
ideas on those who think Western materialism is the cause
of spiritual malfunction and loss of third-eye insight while
destroying cherished religion and cultural heritage

When forcing adherence to human rights creeds on Muslim
fundamentalists or Syrians, the activists violate their own
principle of freedom; human rights mean respect for the right
to reject the code; the Golden Rule – do unto others as you
want them to do unto you - means they have to be allowed
so that we can enjoy the freedom we assume for ourselves
to believe as we do, only then can all parties negotiate to

Live in mutual respect for each other’s freedom to follow their
own star - only when Western countries honour the freedom
of others to believe and live differently – only then there will 
be more freedom for everyone…

13 September 2013

Beloved IPod In My Ear

Realising the sun-shade did not keep the sun off my face
and worried that a hat would leave the few feathers that
serve as hair on my head in terrible disarray, I stopped
taking the delightful walks I used to take every day

But jumping in the coolness of the pool made me brave,
I put my straw hat to good use - tied with a mauve scarf
so the wind would not blow it away, Heino’s baritone in
beautiful velvet tones through my earphones; marching

To the beat of ‘Lustig ist das Zigeunerleben’ - swaying to
the nostalgic beat of ‘Die Lorelei’ I walked several blocks,
it was even better than I remembered, with the sun out of
my face and big sunglasses shading my eyes, it seemed

I could walk forever, wishing the office hours shorter to get
to the pool then march around the block again, ‘Wir wollen
zu Land ausfahren’ - not me, happy with ‘herumbummeln’
right here in Pretoria to the music in my ears, it feels

Like a meditation, no thoughts in my head, humming along
while traversing the portentous streets filled with promises
of a bright summer with unlimited potential for dreamy
walks all over town, the beloved IPod in my ear…

12 September 3013

Cheeky With The World (REVISED)

Late afternoon and the swimming pool’s call, yesterday’s
plunge into its delicious ice cold was fun, looking ahead
to doing it again, but first come my chores – a happy one
is to buy a birthday present for my cheeky little daughter
who smiles and chases me from her room

Who arrogantly parades and tells us we are behind-the-
time geeks, asks me secretly whether she is playing the
role of superior kid right, I say you’re doing fine, but
she disapproves of everything I touch, doesn’t like living
at home all that much - but she’s a most addictive little

Miss who picks only the choicest morsels for her plate and
complains we are trying to feed her too much, her dad pays
for the gym so she can go anytime, she laughs and stays in
the sanctuary of her room; I shall get her a make-up kit with
brushes and things so she can colour her pretty face before
going out to be

Cheeky with the rest of the world…

11 September 2013

No Hope Left [REVISED]

My office lights fixed with impressive efficiency
in 30℃, passing out from time to time, trying to
eat and drink to beat narcolepsy, higher degrees,
the more my head lolls on my neck, nothing can
keep me awake after dried fruit and soup

Coffee with milk makes no difference, it seems
best as lunch approaches to give in, sleep on my
desk, have already up-ended the kettle over my
legs, wish I were Mme Pompadour who decided
to stay at home instructing the doctor to request
sick leave because of blood pressure

While I’m here erupting in hot flushes, perspiring
to form a pool enough for a mouse, a Lori, a Duck
and a Dodo, pity I cannot shrink to join them in the
salty pool under my chair - I am growing instead,
everything I drink and eat adds to the girth of my
midriff, my equator is growing so wide

I cannot see my feet; like Alice I shall make them
gifts, sending a shoe for each - and a refrain from
a Beijing Hotel Brochure keeps playing in my mind:
‘When you leave at the end of your [work] day, you
will have no hope left and you will struggle to forget
[the terrible fight to the death…]’

11 September 2013

A Base-line Neanderthal (REVISED)

Being government officials reporting to a base-line Neanderthal
is strange indeed, so while Kaspersky makes our life hell Mdm 
Pompadour struts her stuff, insulting all and sundry showing no
love or regard, disgracing her victims to vague feelings of chaos
mangled by fear

Today I’m sitting in the dark, a government servant who is too
unimportant to merit light, forced to work in dimness where the
too-bright computer screen hurts sensitive eyes, all while Mdm
Pompadour, after slaughtering everyone and causing mayhem
on board while sinking the Terminology ship with her

Piratical attacks, decides as only our Neanderthal captain can
and must to fake illness for another happy holiday thus leaving
us front-line soldiers to fend for ourselves yet again…


11 September 2013

Up Above The Situation [REVISED]

Alet my friend, I wish I could throw a switch
so you'll understand how important you are,
know how wonderful it is you’re here to share
the off-centre jokes your friends and I make
up as we go

As Proverbs helped my heart mend, melted
the pain in my breast, I recommend you try
this remedy; it filled my poisoned mind with
medicine - I sought the voice of Wisdom,
was lifted high above this common life

Hurt inflicted in my sister’s voice accusing
me of treason ached, but Proverbs can take
you above situations where nasty intent of
others bend your feelings deeply, you bleed,
can’t see a way to forgive, but never forget

A lesson is learned; you’re wiser, can make
allowances, seek respite from a difficult life,
your smile and laughter abide beneath the
pain of this moment and tomorrow we shall
have fun again, just don your mask

Until the smile refills your heart…

11 September 2013

10 September 2013

A Change of Attitude [REVISED]

Felt guilty reading how to meditate, quieten the mind
and focus on that calm place inside where we are
free to be happy. Falling asleep is my only quietening
success, when my mind is awake its bored by chores,
needs challenges to awaken creativity and joyous
involvement in current events

Without excitement of overcoming difficult obstacles
my mind tunes to Station Doldrums Radio Moping, at
bedtime I try to focus on spiritual ideas, yet no calm
inner peace presents, only fissures of worry increase
about my inability to meet daily life’s requirements; it
is so difficult to calm the little alien in my head

My brain stem base reptilian consciousness shouts
‘Run away from being as it is’; yet fortified with new
internet information I shall try again tonight – though
it’s worrying to read some spiritual entities say non-
physical life is pure joy evermore. I’m sure attitude
and mood change is required to keep interest alive –

One-dimensional awareness without the changing
colours of various emotions sounds so boring; oh,
boredom, once again…

9 September 2013

Glowing And Die [REVISED]

The emotional colouration of mind, idea and construction
which combine creating personality seems to be neutral
for noble hard-working high-principled people here in the
office. My personality craves excitement, change and joy
in the form of making others laugh, a great time for all;
listening to Contes d’Hoffman to block out laughter and
silence alike, craving sleep to escape from boredom in

Learning about road improvements for which they need
donors as money was spent on wars and criminal deals
such that new funds are allocated the same way, and
after administrators, politicians, law-and-order forces 
pilfer the fund, only a remnant will reach constructors of
roads who split the rest complaining in grandiose African
fashion they need more to get even the most basic

Job done – eh! Seems like my emotions colour all my ideas
in black and white, good and bad in conflict all the time, the
black of cynical suspicion growing bigger and overflowing all
hope for Africa and its sad transport systems, people receive
no education or moral principles to understand the wonderful
result of cause and effect, doing your best and being on time;
let me play the game of little official small bureaucrat toeing

The line while watching Africa’s fires glowing, and die…

9 September 2013

Dire Lack Of Interaction [REVISED]

Failed to find embracing peace this weekend - oh yes,
moments of external joy flooded my mind temporarily,
waves broke on my brain’s sandy shores but the mist
rolled in again, clouds covered a sun briefly lighting
darkness behind my eyes, never really allowed light
to filter through to the little alien in my head

Wished to visit mother Saturday, depressed because
I wouldn’t see her at all this weekend, my beloved lost
in his own cave contemplating challenges at work and
deaf to common altercations; kids studying, Nat Geo
Wild focused exclusively on crocodiles, bracing swim
failed to cheer up my inner brain stem reptile who, in

Dire collusion with the little alien never ceased endless
complaints about boredom due to lack of an intellectual
interaction with kindred-souls, overpowering emotional
void enacting delusory distractions, a growing feeling of
emptiness while trying to translate a bone-dry document…

9 September 2013

Hot-Wired Super-Fast Brain

I love Channel 182, Nat Geo Wild, there always is
some programme about crocodiles, we were taught
crocodiles survive temperature changes by hiding in
tunnels deep in the earth, their heart rate slows until
it rains again - tonight scientists teach crocodilians
are quite intelligent, displaying learned behaviour

They know where to look for prey, now they say there
were super crocs in the time of the dinosaurs, double
the size of today’s largest crocs, the super one was a
terrible menace feasting on dinosaurs very often, they
have a forty-year old crocodile still growing, nobody
knows how big it can grow – scientists speculate

About a possible future croczilla with a 2-metre skull;
no longer are fantasy & fairytales limited to children,
tales of super-large animals are happily regarded by
Serious Men - I like crocodiles just as they are with a
hot-wired super-fast reflex brain which mammals also
possess in the brain stem below the frontal cortex

Bypassing slow conceptualisation in language terms
leading to immediate reaction without being deterred
by slow evaluation, enabling survival in a threatening
situation - hurrah for the reptile brain which keeps us
safe, symbolised by the scary crocodile featuring on
Nat Geo Wild all the time!

Friday Night 6 September 2013

Lost Peter Pan

 Thinking about relationships - already
lost contact with Peter Pan, my brother,
who threatened to tell my beloved bad
things about me, his younger sister

I always take all threats seriously, took
the email menace straight to my beloved
who said he was not interested in any
stories about me, his wife, therefore

He recommended I break off all contact,
if any nasty gossip reached my beloved,
he would blame ME for allowing a threat
to our domestic felicity to be part of my life

Given that Peter Pan had already insulted
me, I had to agree, could not take the risk
that he might disrupt my little family,
farewell to my brother because

My beloved takes priority…

[Losing family members are sad – luckily I was given a new
older brother who has never turned his back on me, thank
you Ivan for being the older brother I miss so much]

6 September 2013

Add A Silver Rose

Casual day, money for the disabled, with a new theme:
‘Going Big’, prepared a hat, wide brim, flowers in silver
and white, earrings, glass jewellery, sequins and glitter,
monochrome - studied Ascot pictures from My Fair Lady
and added a purple flower

But my eyes without makeup spoil the idea of good taste,
bought a mask – fulfilling my dream of taking part in a
masquerade; hat pulled low over the mask in purple and
gold, the look was just right, the big bunch of silver flowers
threatening to slide off

Add a silver rose and I look smart – yet casual day without
a get-together meant I had to run from floor 1 to floor 10 to
meet up with all my friends, made some new friends today
everybody loved the confection on my head, a background
for my golden mask - sitting still at my desk was

Absolutely impossible….

6 September 2013

Beads of Understanding

A broken necklace, beautiful transparent beads strung
on a thread and as it broke, beads scattered everywhere
just like the friendship with my twin sis broke and the beads
of understanding scattered and were lost

The necklace as broken as our relationship, too few beads
of the necklace left just as too few beads of understanding
remain between us, when she forgives me – for not  being
able to weave through peak time traffic to 

Be at her side while organising a tow truck – the driver said
he lost his way and never got there, she thinks it is my fault
that towing did not take place until highway patrol came to
her aid – I called her repeatedly

But she was so angry, she shouted and switched off, when
she sarcastically remarked that there were a few people who
loved her, I imitated her and repeated the remark - never
heard from her again – why do people hate it

When you show them their demeanour by imitating them, why
do they take offence yet they expect you to not to do so when
they address you in such dreadful tones – when she forgives
me one day, I shall endeavour to

Make no remarks or ask questions – ah, but I cannot play the
role she requires to prevent any conflict – best would be to
wait until old age makes us wise – or stay away from each
other for however long eternity takes to teach us

Mutual understanding…

Friday 6 September 2013

Beaming Like The Sun

Discussion of the new Languages Act, everyone on the bus, rattling
towards the venue where coffee is served, speeches from guest
speakers and replies from the audience - I started checking Arabic

and a French translation about peddling information as discussion

took place around me, read ‘Maurice And His Educated Rodents’
 
Wondering why moral lessons and stereotypes are easily perceived
in some books, ‘Maurice’ the only book which earned the author a
literature prize - I smiled, feeling wise; whenever Important People
In Impressive Literature Chairs give a prize, it’s for a book that’s not
appealing – the wonderful Alice In Wonderland never won a prize
 
Neither did Fairytales by the Grimm Brothers - when Flaubert relayed
gossip with style and Balzac spun tales based on contemporaries; the
‘literatoors’ swooned, awarding a prize for Maurice means there must
be something wrong with it; the moral speeches, thinly veiled lectures
on human society - I love Terry Prachett and always will - though
 
I don’t enjoy ‘Truckers’ - nothing can replace the Johnny Trilogy nor the
Discworld series - I’ll ALWAYS love the gifts Pratchett brought readers
like me, I ADORE ‘Good Omens’ and ‘Maskerade’, Granny Weatherwax
absolutely fabulous; I like Mustrum Ridcully  and delight in ‘Thief of
Time’; therefore I’ll forgive Pratchett ANYTHING
 
Came home after the Languages Act discussion in a good mood - singing
- knowing my Beloved approves of me, faltering for a long time after my
twin made it clear I am persona non grata in her exciting world, I accept
that slow moving me do not exist in her adventurous life –
 
Yet I have the wonders of Alice  In Wonderland and Terry Pratchett to
back me up - as well as a cheeky daughter, a laughing son and my
beloved - beaming like the sun…
 
Wednesday 24 September 2013