Consciousness Freed

It’s unfair to be forbidden to show any emotion, but
it’s better being happy than being right, no argument,
no justice sought in a fight as these shackles give me
protection against my mother’s terrible, prima-donna
emotional shows and my dad’s scary, primitive, mad
emotional outbursts; I prefer a control freak because

You’re my bulwark against the past, a wall against the
freedom to express my thoughts & feelings - fearing it
would destroy my life or scar my kids like it scarred me;
though forbidden to show sadness or anger I’m glad to
know I still have underground emotions, I can still feel;
many times previously I had lost every feeling there is

And I just existed in emptiness; reclaiming my feeling
and enjoying emotions is a privilege which you reveal
by making me unhappy - which is so much better than
feeling nothing at all, living in meaninglessness, ANY
emotion is better than nihilism, even though I can’t go
back to my parents’ unbridled emotional explosions

Even your ice-cold-steel fury is better than their fiery
emotionalism; no memory of words because I fled the
fire-and-brimstone atmosphere and grandma’s sitting
in sackcloth and ashes, banned to the lowest level of
Purgatory for bankrupting mom to help her only son,
I only know how it made me feel: sad, burned, empty

Hating myself, my siblings, my parents; the key to un-
lock the door to my memories is lost, I think the mind
records all our youth’s scenes and we shall watch these
without the emotional turmoil of the body’s hormonal
secretions after our consciousness has been freed from
the body through the transition to another dimension…

[30 December 2014]