Angels And Holy Beings [Rev]

Emptiness, a sense of loss,

waking up every night not

knowing where I am - is it

how dad felt after the two

shots of morphine before

he died Tuesday night?

He was in pain - water in

the lungs, breathless, his

heart failing regular beat,

unable to recline, begging

for release; bring a knife,

slit my throat he gasped.

For the first time I could

cuddle him, hold him tight.

As breathing difficulties

increased, he sat upright,

his cold feet swollen. When

the district nurse came to

his bed, she cried as dad

resembled her own father

just before he died. Only

my brother-in-law had the

strength to lift dad when

he fell, and lifted him so

gently, my heart swelled.

When I found mom crying

next to dad’s bed, praying

that God please release

him from the suffering, his

laboured breathing, his not

eating for two weeks I sent

her off to rest and on turning

back, found dad had died -

still warm - pinkish - suddenly

white & quiet, animation gone.

I cried, held his hand in case

His spirit could “feel or see” me

honouring his body, my hands

identical to his, his face and feet

living in my kids and me: it was

over and I was ordered to leave,

feeling empty. I have one wish:

To meditate, focus my love on

his spirit and soul, his mind

confused by morphine; I shall

study the tradition of staying

next to a body all through the

night – and send requests

To loving, intelligent energy,

manifesting as angels and

holy beings, to take dad to

a place where his mind can

recuperate and he can find

his loved ones already there…

....Sunday 16 April 2017 Pretoria

[My father David Petrus Botha, born on 25 May 1927
in Melville, Johannesburg, died on Tuesday night
4 April 2017 in the rural town called “De Rust”
in the Western Cape, South Africa.]