My Own Demise

Being on pension I lost my freedom to think

for myself and act as I please, decide what

to do, where to go, what to say: Politics –

religion, philosophy, watering the garden

 

Replacing my stolen bicycle, buying a new

car to have it under guarantee - of course:

Being on pension I lost the ability to think,

period; I became an automaton: yes dear,

 

No dear, really dear, how wonderful dear!

HE says when we go on holiday, where &

how, when to water the garden, when we

go to the boot sale, what we watch on TV

 

As Covid 19 decrees simply no socialising

I do as He says for peace and prosperity,

for ice-cream & driving down to the Cape

and visiting – I’m growing into an Alaskan

 

Survivor; become a cannibal or be eaten

by others: Since I prefer being eaten to

eating human beings - as cannibalism

gives me the jitters - I’m eaten alive

 

And cheer my own demise…

Hell Itself [REVISED BY IVAN]

My ability to interact with the world is zero - 

and any capacity to REACT to it’s also low

 

My faculty to be TOUCHED by this is almost

zero too - it used to be my life’s quest to give

meaning to life and find reason for existence 

 

Now that I know truth is relative & subjective

AND I’m trying to honour an inner conviction

everyone treasures, I find it difficult to honour

MY OWN truth: How to decide which meaning

 

To appropriate for myself - am I too lazy to 

exercise a FREEDOM that is mine to claim if 

only I could be willing to break the self-same 

rules which are governing my life?

 

Being a pensioner means an irrelevance in terms

of production - and, though humanitarian causes

abound, how does one set about running around

 

Serving - when a true philanthropist jumps into the

cannibal’s pot - and being on pension - to me, at

least - means being so isolated within Covid 19 –

it’s a suspension of the Reality we grew up in

 Now I am left with a travesty of what we’d once

deemed logical and good: BUT - life can’t have

a value if it is just conditional on living as if we

were dead already! The real & only worth-while 

 

Goal of life is to figure out how to die with dignity 

as soon as possible: How to reach a non-physical 

life to take charge of consciousness - 

 

Because living life within emptiness like this is 

not real at all  -  & thus can only described as - 

HELL ITSELF!

 

[Pretoria, South Africa - Monday 2 August 2021]

 

Hell Itself

My ability to interact with the world is zero,

ability to REACT to the world very low also

 

My ability to be touched by the world is al-

most zero too: it used to be my life quest to

 

Give meaning to life and find the reason for

existence - now that I know truth is relative;

 

Subjective - AND - I’m trying to honour the

inner conviction everyone treasures, I find

 

It is difficult to honour MY OWN truth: How

to decide which meaning to appropriate for

 

Myself - am I too lazy to exercise a freedom

that is mine to claim if only I would be willing

 

To break the rules governing my life? Being

on pension means being irrelevant in terms

 

Of production; though humanitarian causes

abound – How does one set about running

 

Around serving when the true philanthropist

jumps into the cannibal’s pot - and being on

 

Pension - to me, at least - means being so

isolated within Covid 19 - it’s a suspension

 

Of the reality we grew up with and now I am

left with a travesty of what we once thought

 

Was logical and good: BUT life cannot have

any value if it is conditional on living as if we

 

Were dead already? The real and only worth-

while goal of life is to figure out how to die with

 

Dignity as soon as possible: How to reach non-

physical life to take charge of consciousness –

 

Because living life within an emptiness like this

is not real - it should be described as hell itself!

 

[Pretoria, South Africa - Monday 2 August 2021]

 

 

Lilac Fairy Touch

 Soft, transparent lilac curtains framing

an inner of frothy foaming Dutch lace,

a purple tablecloth covering the inside

of the cupboard; a delicate lilac dress

 

A purple long-sleeved top to the right

and left of it; purple strings shiny with

silver glitter draped over the inside of

the open cupboard door, soft delight

 

Now to recreate this purple fantasy with

the right kind of real decorative material

to bring about a shimmering lilac room –

how to cover the cupboard in lilac paint

 

Or would lilac-coloured wallpaper do the

trick; what about lilac draperies to cover

the doors – I have no decorating skills, I

can only dream, could there be a way to

 

Recreate my fantasy without losing the

essence of this lovely lilac fairy touch?

 

[Friday 26 February 2021]

Dancing My Way Out

I worked from home, Covid 19 of course,

then turned sixty and retired and at the end

translated a text with an index and tables and

could I do it? NO, I could not, did an index once,

years ago - tables beyond me - never used them

 

In Interpol messages and agricultural documents:

so what did I accomplish? - I do not know, at least

I left my African colleagues with joy, playing the song

Jerusalema loud on my cell phone, the whole world

singing and dancing with Africa - me singing and

 

Dancing my way out of Government Service also…

[2 February 2021, Tuesday, Second day of retirement]

 

 

Muzzled Socialism

Expecting a global reset: two possibilities

on the Internet the socialist alternative will

take everything we own, leave nothing in

its place – another possibility entails a new

monetary system backed by gold – please,

please put us back on the gold standard –

 

Please allow us to own our own house, car

and bank account, deliver us from socialism,

from a system where we try to pull ourselves

up by our own bootstrings – it never works –

deliver us from evil, from communism, from

globalism as muzzled socialism…

[Tuesday 2 February 2021 - Pretoria, South Africa]

The View You Create

Read as much as I could,

presented it all filtered through

my point of view, my consciousness,

presentation determined by my attitude

 

Today I have found an alternative

so beautiful, so simple and appealing,

I’m drinking it in; though it might not seem

true to you due to how you process the world

 

And feel and see the universe - my

advice is go look for yourself and find

your own truth, be happy with that and enjoy

the way you construct the view that you create

 

With your eyes, and revel in

the sounds you create through

your ears as you hear the frequencies

in which we swirl about, moving through

 

Eternity, carried by the rhythmic song

of the cyclic carousel dancing around our

solar sphere which is itself undulating about

the dark central plane of the Milky Way Galaxy

[Tuesday 2 February 2021]