My Own Demise

Being on pension I lost my freedom to think

for myself and act as I please, decide what

to do, where to go, what to say: Politics –

religion, philosophy, watering the garden

 

Replacing my stolen bicycle, buying a new

car to have it under guarantee - of course:

Being on pension I lost the ability to think,

period; I became an automaton: yes dear,

 

No dear, really dear, how wonderful dear!

HE says when we go on holiday, where &

how, when to water the garden, when we

go to the boot sale, what we watch on TV

 

As Covid 19 decrees simply no socialising

I do as He says for peace and prosperity,

for ice-cream & driving down to the Cape

and visiting – I’m growing into an Alaskan

 

Survivor; become a cannibal or be eaten

by others: Since I prefer being eaten to

eating human beings - as cannibalism

gives me the jitters - I’m eaten alive

 

And cheer my own demise…

Hell Itself [REVISED BY IVAN]

My ability to interact with the world is zero - 

and any capacity to REACT to it’s also low

 

My faculty to be TOUCHED by this is almost

zero too - it used to be my life’s quest to give

meaning to life and find reason for existence 

 

Now that I know truth is relative & subjective

AND I’m trying to honour an inner conviction

everyone treasures, I find it difficult to honour

MY OWN truth: How to decide which meaning

 

To appropriate for myself - am I too lazy to 

exercise a FREEDOM that is mine to claim if 

only I could be willing to break the self-same 

rules which are governing my life?

 

Being a pensioner means an irrelevance in terms

of production - and, though humanitarian causes

abound, how does one set about running around

 

Serving - when a true philanthropist jumps into the

cannibal’s pot - and being on pension - to me, at

least - means being so isolated within Covid 19 –

it’s a suspension of the Reality we grew up in

 Now I am left with a travesty of what we’d once

deemed logical and good: BUT - life can’t have

a value if it is just conditional on living as if we

were dead already! The real & only worth-while 

 

Goal of life is to figure out how to die with dignity 

as soon as possible: How to reach a non-physical 

life to take charge of consciousness - 

 

Because living life within emptiness like this is 

not real at all  -  & thus can only described as - 

HELL ITSELF!

 

[Pretoria, South Africa - Monday 2 August 2021]

 

Hell Itself

My ability to interact with the world is zero,

ability to REACT to the world very low also

 

My ability to be touched by the world is al-

most zero too: it used to be my life quest to

 

Give meaning to life and find the reason for

existence - now that I know truth is relative;

 

Subjective - AND - I’m trying to honour the

inner conviction everyone treasures, I find

 

It is difficult to honour MY OWN truth: How

to decide which meaning to appropriate for

 

Myself - am I too lazy to exercise a freedom

that is mine to claim if only I would be willing

 

To break the rules governing my life? Being

on pension means being irrelevant in terms

 

Of production; though humanitarian causes

abound – How does one set about running

 

Around serving when the true philanthropist

jumps into the cannibal’s pot - and being on

 

Pension - to me, at least - means being so

isolated within Covid 19 - it’s a suspension

 

Of the reality we grew up with and now I am

left with a travesty of what we once thought

 

Was logical and good: BUT life cannot have

any value if it is conditional on living as if we

 

Were dead already? The real and only worth-

while goal of life is to figure out how to die with

 

Dignity as soon as possible: How to reach non-

physical life to take charge of consciousness –

 

Because living life within an emptiness like this

is not real - it should be described as hell itself!

 

[Pretoria, South Africa - Monday 2 August 2021]