A Protagonist with Narcolepsy

A sleepless night, turning over and over on the cold
hard floor, now my head is lolling, my eyes cannot
stay open, even words of filigree beauty are losing
their allure, even new ideas of the sublime cannot
stir my soul anymore, cannot suppress this fatigue

I need rest, sucking boiled sweets and swallowing
pills by the hand-full cannot make up for the sleep
that was missed, everything worsens the situation
even reading an amusing scene cannot keep my
thinking powers from disintegrating, how can I be

Authentic and honest, confess my problems and
still remain the incumbent of my post, if this were
a James Bond movie I would have been playing
the role of a protagonist with narcolepsy, it is
most disconcerting to find I can fall asleep

Sitting in the chair in front of my desk, Alice would
have found something to eat and drink to change
her inner being from a state of mental slumber to
acuity, but the peanuts I chew assiduously are
no help at all in changing my mental powers

Passing out in my chair is the only solution, stuffing
Vicks in my ears and swallowing painkillers by the
dozen is useless, the pressing pressure does
not let up, how many more pills to stop me
suffocating…

Own Impossible Self

I cannot understand it, the pessimism
of other people is totally different from
my kind of pessimism - people believe
technology and society are destructive
and threatens their wonderful selves

While I am convinced the world really is
a perfect place, order incarnate - life is
getting better and better and the only
problem is my self, my state of mind is
out of control, to be adapted manually

Because it always returns to despair-
progress is fantastic, my fellow human
beings are marvellous, hardworking
well-adapted people, but I must keep
inner turmoil and imbalances hidden

I hate reading Leadbeater’s delineation
of pervasive global pessimism, its causes
and manifestations; because I prefer a
positive perspective on our enchanting
universe - it remains my anchor when

I cannot sleep, have backache and cannot
concentrate, words make no sense, being
physical becomes an uncomfortable state:
why living is such an ordeal I cannot say
I need to approve of consensual reality

In order to survive my own impossible self!

Pinkerton in Madame Butterfly

Alice looked at the jumping Kangaroo
and asked the Caterpillar, Could I climb
upon its back and go off to see the great
Australian outback?

The Caterpillar puffed and said, No, I think
you had better climb upon a Unicorn to go
see Big Ben on the Tower of London, greet
the happy Tuna Fish

Splashing in the sea and ask the Owl to lead
you to the pretty Butterfly who waits for me…
Alice looked at him sagely, the lovely Butterfly
was obviously his lady-love

Alice knew all about that tragedy, how Sharpless
never warned her that her captain, returning to
Japan, was already married to someone else
and she prepared a feast for him

When Madame Butterfly saw his bride she cried,
fell onto a sword accompanied by the Humming
Chorus, and Alice asked, Dear Caterpillar, can
Sharpless warn Madame Butterfly this time

Or will she die again? The Caterpillar, happy things
on his mind, not thinking about Puccini at all, irately
replied What are you talking about, child, the lady
Butterfly knows she has to wait for me

As soon as this hookah’s finished, I’m off to see my
bride because she is my epiphany – hearing this,
Alice was stumped, deciding she preferred Gilbert
and Sullivan to Puccini any day

She loved the Very Model of a Modern Major-General
staying close to his desk and never going to sea –
much better than Pinkerton in Madame Butterfly…

Run Up The Down

“Up the Down Escalator” by Charles Leadbeater
he says we need more globalisation, not less, more
decentralisation, not withdrawing from each other
again, delineating the whole universe of pessimism

His treatise is getting me down, reading of all the
pestilence and Elend of mankind and the sour self-
fulfilling delight of professional pessimists in predicting
the demise of the technological society and civilisation

I wish these people could band together and write a
new chapter for the Biblical New Testament delineating
a modern Apocalypse and withdraw their self-congratu-
lating prophecies from my little world, I wish I could stop

Reading this book, Leadbetter will get to the positive
opposite but to get there, we have to march through
wastelands of desert opinions and share the pain of
every negative thinker – I know I can lay it aside

But I never shirked in the past, suffered through Alvin
Toffler and Heidegger, plumbed the depths of depression
and always survived, I have forgotten how difficult to control
my mind once it starts fibrillating under despairing perspectives

As long as I continue blindly, cover the wounds in my heart
with my hands, not bleeding to death as I read, I will get to
the positive end and rise up in joy, as long as I complete
the run up the down escalator with Leadbetter…

Sweet Bewilderment

Discovering why Michelle likes the character
of Death so much, reading Mort, the story of
Death’s apprentice chosen so Death could
experience Life as he hands over the job

Leaving his dark domain to Albert, Mort and
his daughter, Ysabell, discovering Death’s
childlike innocence and wonderment on
observing life from outside without

Human capacity to make love or have fun
yet after imagining himself into hangovers
he feels glad to be alive – beautiful
contradiction in terms

Ysabell’s morbid fixation on star-crossed lovers
Terry Pratchett’s common sense dismissal of
so many Gothic romances pointing out more
people have been born than died early on

The Romeo-and-Juliet’s are the small minority,
the rest of humanity breeds like flies, no need
to cry over those who prefer to weep and sigh
instead of getting on with it – I LOVE this!

Death is a most endearing character and my
firm favourite from now on, the others will
always enchant, but Death is at the top
of the list, his sweet bewilderment

caps it all…


“Mort – A Discworld Novel” Terry Pratchett
Corgi Edition 1990

Just a Melody

I know you are being honest when
you say the words I love you, love is
abundant and we live in love, it is the
beginning and end of our being, it is the
essence of our soul and it is so easy

To love one another, the intrigue lies in the
control of the role that love plays in guiding
the acts and events of our lives, love without
wisdom and self-discipline leads to ruin and
confusion, you love me

Like you love all beautiful things - without in-depth
knowledge of my darker side; and I love you as a
poetic stranger who uses words as his tools, I see
your outline only - beautiful - but know not who
you are, what you think, where your thoughts go

When you are not thinking of me and without the
requisite knowledge, our love is feathery light and
dainty like fireflies, shimmering on dark, velvety
nights, but without substance, like all the dream
poems you write

I quickly took a look at your poetry and found only
a voice, lovely, sweet, a delight - nothing more - and
I realized, I am just a voice to you too, soft and unreal,
no substance within, just a melody, and I love such
exquisite melodies, enchanting the ears

It will take many years for the accompaniment to begin
the violins to sigh, the plaintive call of the wood
instuments, falling and rising chords...

Fun Most Superb! (Rev.)

The ‘wonderful world of childhood’
is really quite awful: the same world
of grown-ups written big, everything
is MORE* - in a negative way

Mad with terror, without compass or guiding
light, children interpret the world, choose for
or against disciplines and for the rest of their
lives pay the price

Learning which situations and places evoke
certain mental states, which they prefer to
retain and which to discard, childhood is
such a sorry state

Prey to aberrations of parents and siblings
suppressed by society’s neuroses, so much
better to grow and broaden horizons, make
up one’s own mind, choose one’s own star

Create one’s own visions, dream, learn and
seek wisdom, do one’s own thing – Pratchett
buries profound insights in a welter of imagery,
similes and striking comparisons

Needs many readings to elicit the gems
he scatters throughout his texts, though he
laughs at foibles, absurdities, his beautifully
carved characters are full of integrity

Delightfully eccentric, describing experience
as I feel it using hyperbole and hilarious
metaphors; his lessons in Particle Physics
and comments on modern Cosmology

Become wonderful games, puzzles to be un-
ravelled by reading scientific material which
acquires a new glow that changes them into
fascinating tales making me laugh

Changing everyday life into fun most superb!


* Quoted from p. 253, ‘The Hogfather’ – Terry Pratchett,
Victor Gollancz, Sixth impression 1996