Own Impossible Self

I cannot understand it, the pessimism
of other people is totally different from
my kind of pessimism - people believe
technology and society are destructive
and threatens their wonderful selves

While I am convinced the world really is
a perfect place, order incarnate - life is
getting better and better and the only
problem is my self, my state of mind is
out of control, to be adapted manually

Because it always returns to despair-
progress is fantastic, my fellow human
beings are marvellous, hardworking
well-adapted people, but I must keep
inner turmoil and imbalances hidden

I hate reading Leadbeater’s delineation
of pervasive global pessimism, its causes
and manifestations; because I prefer a
positive perspective on our enchanting
universe - it remains my anchor when

I cannot sleep, have backache and cannot
concentrate, words make no sense, being
physical becomes an uncomfortable state:
why living is such an ordeal I cannot say
I need to approve of consensual reality

In order to survive my own impossible self!