Feel The Joy [REV.]

The noise of the music created confusion and I
swept my earphones away to sit in quiet peace
with my pain - a result of eating fudge-picasso
pudding (which had me sitting up for half of the
night) - now I’m in nowhere-land, right within

The black hole in my head where everything is
dead, even letters jumping under my fingers to
appear on screen seem slain & the moment’s
becoming a hole in the fabric of time, I am so
helpless for now - but do not despair, I know

It’s temporary - not long-lasting such as it was
when a child; the pain crunching my back and
affecting my neck won’t hold sway and I’ll not
indulge again, not for a very long time as it is
so much better to be able to feel joy in the

Mere act of breathing, of being in existence…

[11 July 2014]

Singing

A Chastened Me [1st REVISION]

It’s not for keeping yet, the alternative consciousness
I’ve lost, it was on loan to see how grand life can be
when we are free to be happy, a promise of things to
come; in its wonderful mood I was flying and dancing
in circles with delight in my heart, and with great

Self-control carried out mundane tasks having no
purpose other than requiring we learn how to bring
joy to life’s routine, not just exceptional moments -
I switched back from overdrive to everyday cruising
mode and looked up words - when the feeling

Of loss grew too strong - it was so wonderful to have
fun - the contrast with everyday grey was too much; I
ran from the office, looked for a new place to rest my
thoughts, slid into a novel then returned to the same
space I had left just to find a mess I made when my

Rose-coloured thoughts carried me high; it’s a much
chastened me, back in a reality I don’t understand


**************************************************

2. [ORIGINAL:]

I lost it – the alternative consciousness, it’s not for
keeping yet, it’s just on loan to see how grand life
can be when we are free to be happy, a promise of
things to come; in that wonderful mood I was flying
while dancing in circles with delight in my heart

Then with great self-control carried out the mundane
tasks which have no purpose other than learning how
to bring joy to everything in life, not just to exceptional
moments - I switched back from overdrive to everyday
cruising mode and looked up words – when a feeling

Of loss grew too strong – it was so wonderful to have
fun - the contrast with everyday grey was too much; I
ran from the office, looking for a new place to rest my
thoughts, dived into a novel then returned to the same
space where I left just to find I made a mess while my

Rose-coloured thoughts carried me high, this is a very
much chastened me, back in a reality I can’t understand

[9 July 2014]


****************************************************

3. [ALTERNATIVE FORM:]

I lost it
the alternative consciousness,

it’s not for keeping yet,
just on loan to see how grand life can be
when we are free to be happy,
a promise of things to come;

in that wonderful mood I was flying
while dancing in circles
with delight in my heart

then with great self-control
carried out mundane tasks which have
no purpose other than learning how
to bring joy to everything in life,
not just to exceptional moments -

I switched back from overdrive to
everyday cruising mode and looked up words -
when a feeling of loss grew too strong
it was so wonderful to have fun -

the contrast with everyday grey was too much;
I ran from the office,
looking for a new place to rest my thoughts,
dived into a novel

then returned to the same
space I had left
just to find I made a mess
while my

Rose-coloured thoughts carried me high,
this is a very much chastened me,
back in a reality I can’t understand

A Melodious Carousel [REV.]

I only wanted a bag camouflaged in black to stash
the illegal trash I drag to work: water, a book, extra
shoes, my fan, a DVD - but it was way too small an
amount for a credit card transaction so I had to buy
chocolate, spoons and vampire nail polish

Dark like old printer’s ink; already into a mint crisp
while looking at my translation - heart sinking, it is
an import permit with every term to be researched,
mint is changing my mouth into a sticky cave and
no sucking effort can lift mint of teeth

Such is life - resigned to boredom of official texts,
bureaucracy at its modern best as Terry Pratchett
said, true modern hell lacking stimulation - yet the
background music is heavenly, Mozart making the
stars sing, then Dames Kiri Te Kanawa
 
And Joan Sutherland mesmerise with satin voices,
each note a musical masterpiece, a vibrating pearl
of infinite delight bound to the next celestial note by
the sweet, clear sound recreating Indra’s net where
every note reflects every other in a 

Melodious carousel of notes holistically attached to
form a perfect illusion of lighted sound spiralling in
an eternal roundabout in which the song becomes
a horizontal explosion of vertical chords creating a
melody moving on inexorably, unstoppable  

The total explains everything about quantum physics
and holograms I ever struggled to understand – and
still the melody sings…

[8 July 2014]

The Real People Outside [REV.]

Vindicated after my beloved explained his attempt

to improve our standard of living failed to bring it

on par with those of his colleagues - beautiful people

who never go to Pretoria Station as it is below their

status, never make bus trips to the Cape - they fly,

never waste time reading but gym every day

Exquisite, long-finger-nailed women, well-cared

for houses with expensive possessions, good-taste

clothes resembling the Queen of England’s yellow

hat and crimplene look-alike coat - while I, he was

sorry to say, went to work like a tramp carrying a

big, unwieldy bag, wearing an unflattering, bright

Floral sack - the house a mess, study a den of iniquity,

kids’ rooms sources of evil; sulphur and brimstone are

too good for us - we drag him down to the level of a

hobo in sackcloth and ashes and IT IS ALL MY fault,

a low crocodile failing to instil discipline because

I live in eternal chaos and confusion

I change his life into a low-key living hell; I read

books and have theories but can’t atone for being

BAD housekeeper, terrible cook with bad taste in

clothes, wearing no make-up, lacking finesse, style

and sophistication - oh, did he forget to mention

his lovely colleague’s glamorous daughter who

Won several beauty contests, and another colleague’s

son - Victor Ludorum for academic & sport prowess

while our kids live in squalor; and June, back from

visiting friends, recounts the same experience as

yours truly, the Ice Princess, living the same kind

of non-life, reading books - taken to task for

Her dishevelled hair, boring earrings and daft dress,

listens to my experience, and with a mischievous

smile, agrees we live in a different world from the

REAL people outside…

[8 July 2014]

Chaotic Kaleidoscopic Patterns

An Ice Princess returned to her still and peaceful
frozen kingdom; too much humanity in her sister’s 
sunny land of chaotic kaleidoscopic patterns of re-
curring debts and random decisions which flowed
together until resolving into pictures of excitement
without routine and security, filling her visit with an
unmusical noise, her sister nervous and fidgety

Queen of Hearts phrasing edicts on the Princess’s
future hair-do’s and the importance of losing weight,
the Queen preparing meals without proper utensils,
no sharp knife nor chopping board and no planning
when buying groceries nor in preparing a meal, the
Queen choosing to surprise herself in the now, like
Pratchett’s character ‘Wen’ the Eternally Surprised

Her sister’s self-defeating sarcasm towards the land-
lady and litanies of litigation were self-contradictory,
Conan - dad sitting outside and taking his meals all
alone as difficulty chewing evokes derision; budget
constraints revealed in small meals - yet expensive
shampoo & creams; artificial joviality to conceal
irritation unsuccessfully - this inevitable

Unity in inability to escape each other also held a
strange charm, now back home the princess alone,
kids well-behaved & the strict Scorpion King ruling
through planning and discipline, an ordered world
without weird transactions and emotional blackmail
or continuous criticism, a velvet world of musical
vocalisation where creative activities take place

Without argument and blame...

[6 July 2014]

Anything They Want [REV.]

While I live in a world of ideas my sister lives
in a world of events; I ponder imponderables,
or try to, watch ‘Back To The Future’ movies
speculating with characters about an ‘art’ of
changing past as well as present and future,
echoing the theories of Jane Robert’s Seth -
all time is simultaneous, we travel back and
forth in horizontal, vertical, diagonal & every
other line in between; our reality is but one
part of the turning ball of reality, that which
digitally switches on and off -

My sister’s embedded deep in life’s events,
living each experience with intensity that I
can’t match, and we are permitted different
realities because there’s space enough for
everyone; somewhere all theories become
true, it’s why life’s a great privilege created
as such moment by moment - & everyone
gets what they expect - if they understand
this they can create anything they want…