Quiet Zombie

Stormy seas of surging emotions
cannot get off the inner carousel
feelings swinging pendulum-free
in my confining spirit like mercury
unable to eschew increasing heat

If I should be in control of my thoughts
why is it I cannot decide to calm down
and be rational again? – Oh - because
it is too much like death to be immobile
not plagued by an act or word of rebellion

Creating a calm and uneventful life - but
today I cannot play possum again, not for
the sake of escaping existential pain; can-
not strangle my spirit, ignore bigger gestalt
who appeared in place of the corpse

Who usually mans my post - gestalt shall not
be controlled, fear and death threats have no
effect, completely oblivious to my carefully
cultivated Cancerian personality - I think
my inner self should be called

‘The Psychopath’ determined to live instead
of becoming the quiet zombie taking care of
my almost extinct life…

Engraved

Every afternoon into the crocodile lagoon
a sun-kissed scene, gilded trees, floating,
rekindling my dreams, paying homage to
sacred memories, renewing my promise
forever to cherish one special phrase

Wherever I may be, wherever I may go,
always keep the holy words as a chem
in my head, never reveal to anyone on
earth, safe against change, treasured
in the sweetest depths of my heart

Never to share with anyone alive, in-
creasing its value a hundredfold, finding
my strength in one beautiful - one shining
line - though the source is lost; I do not
care where it went or why it has left

The origin does not count - I made it mine
my shining talisman, engraved on my heart
sealed in my soul, special moments to take
into infinity, a magic event living in my mind
forever and ever…

[And I shall add more such memories as life
goes on - and cherish them all]


Chem: Holy words that make a Golem work –
See Terry Pratchett – “Feet of Clay”

Off On The Breeze (Revised)

Awareness of beauty grows lavishly while seated
among Jacaranda trees, green canopies caress
the sun with more divinity than mere words
embrace – it makes my heart swell in music ‘til
lighter than air I float off on the breeze

Luckily we are government officials anchored to
chairs facing a grindstone patiently; at least my
brave Calvinist colleagues are the most upstanding
people I have ever met and cannot be deterred by
anything as fractious as sheer beauty;

Hanlie spreading good humour & delight wherever
she is; Hermien’s unselfconscious efficiency graced
with the calm of a state secretary; June brisk, tone
always crisp, laughter infectious, smile as precious
as jewels hidden deep in the earth,

And the boss Madame La Pompadour is an exact
replica of ‘Madame Olympia’, staying home under
various pretexts so as to not sully her soul by noise
of the open-plan office, and me growing more like
Madame Medusa in ‘The Rescuers’

Driving is my favourite activity, trying to beat every
other robot, succeeding mostly; slow lane overtaking
when the fast crawls at a snail’s pace, enjoying the
exhilaration of evading other motorists, my liberties
sometimes earn aggressive gestures

I merely respond with a smile, blissfully threatening
pedestrians with amazing goodwill while continuing
this enticing technological dance, my mind delighting
in nirvana of a Zen-like trance…


[ORIGINAL]

Sitting quietly while awareness of beauty grows strong
among the luxuriant green canopies of Jacaranda trees,
the caressing sunshine more divine than mere words can
explain, music making my heart swell until I am lighter
than air and float off on the breeze

Luckily as government officials we are firmly anchored
to our chairs, facing the grindstone patiently - at least
my brave Calvinist colleagues - the most upstanding
people I have ever met - cannot be deterred by any-
thing; Hanlie spreading good humour and delight

Wherever she is, Hermien in unselfconscious efficiency
organising church activities and three sons with the calm
of a state secretary; June brisk, her tone always crisp, her
laughter infectious, her smile as precious as jewels hidden
deep in the earth, while the boss Madame La Pompadour

Is turning into an exact replica of the ‘Madame Olympia’ in
my favourite story*, staying home under various pretexts so
as not to sully her soul by the noise of the open-plan office,
as for me: I am growing more like Madame Medusa* in the
film ‘The Rescuers’ all the time


Driving becoming my favourite activity, trying to beat every
robot, mostly succeeding; overtaking via the slow lane when
the fast lane moves at snail’s pace, enjoying the exhilaration
of evading other motorists, though my taking liberties some-
times leads to aggressive gestures

I just reply with a smile, blissfully threatening pedestrians with
amazing goodwill while continuing this enticing technological
dance, my mind delighting in the nirvana of a Zen-like trance…


favourite story*: "Which Witch" Eva Ibbotson - Madame Olympia
Madame Medusa*: "The Rescuers" Margery Sharp - Walt Disney

Written in the Stars

Lady Jane Elizabeth Digby born on April 3:
how could she leave her children – six – the
first one left in his father’s care when she went
to Paris, the second sailed away with her dad,
her most beloved youngest died while

Lady Jane visited friends in Italy - at first I was
shocked , how could she leave all her kids –
then counted back nine months from Aries
birth sign to date of gestation, found Leo
thus it all started to make sense

An electromagnetic phenomenon - just like my
mother who could not stop her own life to look
after kids, following her dreams, all Leos differ
from me; whereas I live for my kids trying to
give them the greatest gift, loving their dad

Leos live for a higher ideal, chasing fulfilment –
travelling - while I as astrogenetic Cancer remain
at home to create a safe nest - dreaming about
security for all I love or have ever known, so I
know: our lives are written in the stars…

Fantasy Is What I Want (Revised)

Skin crisped in an affluent sun,
head fit to burst – you show me
how Facebook works on this
brusque emerald day – leaves
sigh in nostalgic wind, I have
no human friends, in love with
the sound of the breeze, the
flame of the sun, no need for
other company, stunned by
the unity with beauty of
warmth and sound

Alien voices urge, words don’t
reach my spirit, it needs diverse
wavelengths to commune – I feel
more alone on a social network
than in normal life – you show
groups, chats, photographs – I
cannot even master French
conversation links – you say it’s
easy – I can’t explain it isn’t, I’m
ensconced in myself, cannot
break the spell of this glorious
shimmering day

which holds me in thrall – your
voice intrudes on the quiet in my
mind, your interaction groups
drive me to despair – I cannot
feign interest but do the right
thing, you suggest checking author
Terry Pratchett, reading his life –
and I quail: I want his books, his
characters, stories and ideas –
not his life, I won’t intrude in his
privacy – fantasy is where I want
to go and what I want to share

Ewig-Onbeantwoorde Vraag (Hersien)

Resep vir geluk: vermoë om te droom
visualiseer, ideale nastreef, genot
in die fantasie - ‘n goeie boek,
nuwe teorie of storie

Insig bring inerrlike geluk maar
die glorie van bereiking duur
slegs vir ‘n oomblik, ver-
vulling kan nie die

Gemoedstemming lig nie, produksiedoel-
witte kan net salaris verdien - maak geen
verskil aan lewensvreugde nie, geluk
wag op ander plekke

Die einddoel kan mens net vir
‘n oomblik laat goedvoel, die
soektog bring meer geluk as
die antwoord

Misterie as ewig-onbeantwoorde vraag
betowering wink steeds wanneer alles
vireers moet wag vir oorlewing, die
soektog is universeel

Gaan voort sodra ander take gedoen is,
so heerlik dat dit nie saak maak as dit
geen prys of beloning inbring nie -
n fassinerende onderwerp

Verskaf ‘n ewige vreugde wanneer roetine
tussen-in kom; depressie wyk voor die
lekkerkry van ‘tintelende denke – die
droom ‘n belofte

Wat nooit hoef te manifesteer nie –
hoe salig om nuwe idees te bedink
om met gedagtes te speel...

Keep The Dream Alive [Revised]

I used to dream as the damsel in distress
saved by a knight in shining armour,
until my vision faded into boredom

Then my twin expressed delight at what
I brought into her life, old scenarios changed
I became Knight in Shining Armour myself

I dream of helping everyone I love - my twin
especially; she bought me things when she was
earning a nurse’s salary and I still studying

I envision all-consuming activity that removes
feelings of boredom from our lives, busy all the
time - she shall be the public face

I am in the background, no need to leave my
private space, my brother and sister taking care
of business while I keep the dream alive