Consciousness Freed

It’s unfair to be forbidden to show any emotion, but
it’s better being happy than being right, no argument,
no justice sought in a fight as these shackles give me
protection against my mother’s terrible, prima-donna
emotional shows and my dad’s scary, primitive, mad
emotional outbursts; I prefer a control freak because

You’re my bulwark against the past, a wall against the
freedom to express my thoughts & feelings - fearing it
would destroy my life or scar my kids like it scarred me;
though forbidden to show sadness or anger I’m glad to
know I still have underground emotions, I can still feel;
many times previously I had lost every feeling there is

And I just existed in emptiness; reclaiming my feeling
and enjoying emotions is a privilege which you reveal
by making me unhappy - which is so much better than
feeling nothing at all, living in meaninglessness, ANY
emotion is better than nihilism, even though I can’t go
back to my parents’ unbridled emotional explosions

Even your ice-cold-steel fury is better than their fiery
emotionalism; no memory of words because I fled the
fire-and-brimstone atmosphere and grandma’s sitting
in sackcloth and ashes, banned to the lowest level of
Purgatory for bankrupting mom to help her only son,
I only know how it made me feel: sad, burned, empty

Hating myself, my siblings, my parents; the key to un-
lock the door to my memories is lost, I think the mind
records all our youth’s scenes and we shall watch these
without the emotional turmoil of the body’s hormonal
secretions after our consciousness has been freed from
the body through the transition to another dimension…

[30 December 2014]

A Belligerent Insistence [REV.]

It’s not WHAT the dear child says -
but HOW she says it - belligerently,
with insistence, demanding listeners
differ so she can proclaim her vastly
superior opinions - she sounds just
like Doctor-Know-It-All, who knows
nothing whatsoever; her taunting

voice rising in offensiveness until 

I need run away to stop detonating
my explosive telepathic messages;
her demeanour & attitude can’t fail
to alienate listeners - substantiating
her claim everyone rejects her and
life is awful: at least she sees to it

That its insufferable for everyone in
her vicinity; I don’t have the spiritual
power to withstand such negatively
wilful spite, she throws the gauntlet
down in remarks intent on goading
listeners to negative reply; I refuse
to take the bait, bite my tongue

Feel an inevitable mental explosion
corroding my soul - & thus need to
leave; one day someone is bound to
tell her why people depart so quickly
when she’s around spitting her spite,
squelching all the little pleasures that
makes life so beautifully worthwhile….

Circles Of Pain [REV.]

Used to cry hearing Ständchen, Schubert’s Serenade,
which my mother played on the piano after tucking us
in bed; as a young child life seemed unspeakably sad
and I lay sleepless as the notes rolled over me

Later I played the Serenade - again waves of sadness
swallowed me - revisiting that meaningless time in life -
there was no love between my siblings and Mom, Dad
and Grandma Alice living with us;

The melody wove a patchwork onto which I projected
everything beautiful I had no access to - being a cast-
away without the will or power to find paradise, stuck
in this trajectory - moving in circles of pain…

[ORIGINAL:]

I used to cry when listening to Ständchen, Schubert’s
Serenade, which my mother used to play on the piano
after we were tucked in bed and life seemed to me - as 
a young child – unspeakably sad; as I lay sleepless the
notes rolled over me - later I played the Serenade

And waves of sadness washed over me, reminding of
a time when life was meaningless as there was no love
between my siblings, Mom, Dad and Grandma Alice
living with us; the melody wove a patchwork on which
I projected everything beautiful I had no access to –

Being a cast-away without the will or power to find
any kind of paradise - stuck in this trajectory  -
moving around in circles of pain…

[27 December 2014]

The Zulu King [REV.]

Living in South Africa is a balance between pros
and cons, the state is criminal; it has never been
otherwise, just as it is almost everywhere - only
overseas criminals are the more adept & better
organised; apartheid villains risked privileges by
relegating blacks to slave labour, risked Africa’s
masses destroying everything, including gifts of
colonial origin, even food production, against

An open democracy versus anarchy; risked the
whole country’s destruction by violating human
rights - they made all descendants pay for such
profligacy surrendering to an uneducated gang
of criminals they created in refusing to provide a
basic human right of education; former apartheid
rulers orchestrated this political situation ensuring
the state’s new masters had no knowledge, no

Philosophical basis or world politics insight when
they took government; a white minority visualised
war in which rich people fled leaving the masses
to completely destroy the country so Africa would
have to start again, disadvantaged moreso than
today where technological gifts remain - though
systematically destroyed by not being maintained

Politicians forced to choose between pros and
cons of conflagration - killing white tribe now or
dying slowly like the rest of Africa - the Mandela
choice chose forgiveness, reconciliation and a
compromise to save everyone, to recommence
politics with the know-how & technology of their
former suppressors - then Jacob Zuma became
the Zulu King, destroying South Africa to start

A new Zulu nation without any aid from former
colonialists: now it’s up to a hard-working middle-
class to decide how they will survive - remember
it’s a game of pros and cons - the unconditional-
love-approach espoused by religions does not
exist in politics


[ORIGINAL:]

Life is a balance between pros and cons, the
South African state is criminal, it has never
been otherwise just as it is almost everywhere,
only the criminals overseas are more adept, more
organised – the apartheid criminals risked their
privileges by relegating blacks to slave labour
against Africa’s masses destroying everything,
gifts from colonial origin, even food production 

Against an open democracy and anarchy; risked
destroying the whole country by violating human
rights and they made their descendants pay for their
profligacy by surrendering to the group of uneducated
criminals they have created as they refused access to
the basic human right of education for everyone; the
former apartheid masters of South Africa orchestrated
the current political situation by making sure

The new masters of South Africa have no knowledge,
no philosophical basis and understanding of world
politics before they took over government, the white
minority visualised a great war in which rich people
fled and left the rest to destroy the country completely
so the Africans would have to start again with a greater
disadvantage than today where technological gifts still
remain - though being systematically destroyed by

Lack of maintenance; politicians were forced to choose
between the pros and cons of a conflagration killing the
white tribe immediately or slowly dying like the rest of
Africa – the choice was made by Nelson Mandela who
chose forgiveness, reconciliation and compromise to
save everyone, to recommence politics with the know-
how and technology of their former suppressors – then
Jacob Zuma became the Zulu King, destroying South

Africa to start a new Zulu nation without any help from
the former colonialists: now it's up to the hard-working
middle-class to decide how they will survive - remember
it's a game of pros and cons as the unconditional-love-
approach espoused by religions does not exist in politics...

[28 December 2014]

Christmas Lights

So maybe I am an eco-adept who’s been 

tardy recognising it - and yet this analogy 

for ‘christmas lights’ split the atom for me 

The plant genus is Cereus - we’ve lots of 

‘em climbing trees - but more particularly 

a pergola where that display now begins 

A night-flowering cactus bloom has scent 

on wings, believe me, yet viewing it in full 

flush is an utterly enervating experience 

Couple that with this flowering happening 

uniquely on Xmas Day and you’ll see my 

sense of christmas lights as symmetry - 

Feel a deeper meaning in the ecology of 

natural events - make a burlesque of the 

crude attempts to synthesise such lights 

And think - we didn’t need ‘buy’ anything 

resembling gaudy decorations ‘dressing’ 

an idea of spiritual sense - or imagine it 

It was there and every element of reality 

we’d ever comprehended accompanied 

it gladly; and that’s just commencement 

Next we’ll see the fruit grow liberally into 

a richness of that essence - whether we

choose to share or feast won’t weight 

A burden on the conscience now freed 

© 27 December 2014, I. D. Carswell

In And Out Of Existence [REV.]

As an Italian song, Caro Mio Ben did not please
when presented for conquest in a singing lesson,
with great trepidation I switch on sweet Amira's
version - and lose my heart listening to silk-like
caresses of voice that stretches, glides, flows -

Now there's no turning back - a soothing sound
of vanilla ice-cream her song became the most
wonderful experience rendered in this little girl's
rounded diction; my singing teacher has been
vindicated, it's clear the deficiency was all me

Without a voice to do justice to amazing songs I
sing with Amira, experience sound vibrating thru
my body yet can't equal her performance, higher
notes forever out of my range; my passion at least
enables me to appreciate these songs made

Superb experiences by her mellifluous voice, the
falling notes mesmerise, she sings chord sequence
in minor key, lost to everything practical, pouring
my whole being into the pure minor notes -
wishing I could turn into a melody weaving

In and out of existence..


[ORIGINAL:]

Caro Mio Ben did not please when presented as
an Italian song to be conquered in singing lesson,
I switched on Sweet Amira’s version with great
trepidation and lost my heart, listening to a voice
like silk that caresses, glides, stretches and flows

Now there is no turning back, a soothing sound like
thick vanilla ice-cream milkshake, this song became
the most wonderful experience rendered in this little
girl’s rounded diction; my singing teacher has been
vindicated and it’s clear the deficiency was all mine

Without the voice to do justice to these amazing songs,
I sing along with Amira to experience sound vibrating
through my body, yet I can’t equal her performance as 
the higher notes is forever out of my range; at least my
passion for music enables me to appreciate these songs

Made into suberb experience by her mellifluous voice,
mesmerised by the falling notes as she sings a chord
sequence in a minor key, lost to everything practical,
pouring my whole being into the pure minor notes -
wishing I could turn into a melody weaving

In and out of existence...

[26 December 2014]

Gentle Golden Light [REV.]

I send you and yours a golden light of love
each time I float in the turquoise pool, look
up at a soft blue sky tinted with light of life,
direct this energy to my far-off friend - and
the poetess I love with her music & song
sadly languishing in hospital

I wish my knightly nephew similar energy,
know he loves his little daughter with all
his might - yet you continue in depression,
cannot reply, your voice is still, no humour
softens the sides of your mouth, I wait for
your comment on the poems I sent

But nothing arrives - and still your silence
does not stop the flow of the gentle golden
light of love…