My Perfect Phoenix

I used to handle depression in a few trusted
ways, convinced depression is a sin to be kept
hidden and disguised, then I learnt that it was
inherent in my temperament, always surfaced
at month’s end, I cannot control it, only make
sure nobody sees it, it is part of my electronic
gene structure

It is my life’s challenge is to learn to deal with it
without derailing the smooth course of the destiny
I have chosen, my lot is sealed by Astrogenetic
influence on the zygote and like a plant I cannot
change my nature, I shall suffer these surges of
depression – but it is not who I am, my mind is
separate from my brain and exists in another
dimension

It has to interact with three-dimensional space
through my faulty electrically misaligned brain
which consistently gives wrong instructions to
glands and organs, I am always unbalanced; if
I overcome the temptation to blame fate and
accept my life with resignation using every
attack of depression for maximum benefit

This Astrogenetic temperament will achieve the
best results in terms of learning and wisdom; I have
allied myself with the strongest Astrogenetic sign I
could find, a Phoenix who always rises anew from the
ashes and flies high above the this world’s troubles
creating a safe world for my crabby personality

My moods are determined by the moon’s waxing and
waning, I have to grin and bear it as black sadness
invades my feelings, I try to deaden them by working
and reading uplifting spiritual material, the effect
lasts only for a moment before it is lost, but I
refuse to give in to the darkness
living within me

Even though my mental receiver automatically turns
to paranoid wavelengths, I can manually change it
though it takes hard work and huge effort, tonight
I surrender to the blackness and stop fighting, too
tired to reach for the solution, accepting the black
depths as a necessary background against which more
positive moods will shine with new vigour and great
happiness, almost sad that the depression is stopped
before it becomes really tragic because the release
of angry tears would have been better than this
resigned nothingness

I can forget my sorrows in the fire of Leo and Aries and
the happy laissez-faire of a Sagittarius, though the fun
cannot sustain when the moon is full, I can joke with
Libra, but cannot keep the fire glowing as cool calcu-
lation takes over, cannot support dreamy Pisces, airy
Aquarius, cold Capricorn and melancholic Virgo, can-
not entertain quiet Taurus, I run aground against an
embittered Scorpion, do not feel safe with restless
Gemini –

I move up and down like the sun on its merry-go-round
trajectory around the Galaxy’s dark centre and rejoice in
the positive direction determined by the Great Attractor,
YOU, my perfect Phoenix, pulling me away from taxing
intrigue, showing me the wonder of independence and
self-sufficiency, complete in yourself, a living
example of joie de vivre…