Saying Bleah Beautifully

The trouble is, I like the idea of love
as in romance – don’t like the real
thing – which is mostly porno or on
the verge of becming so in graphic
realism which takes all the delight
away – I love writing romantic poems
until a kind Don Juan fills in the facts
then I run away, it spoils the soft nuance,
the misty atmosphere and thrilling adventure

How do you like my interpretation of this
scene in Douglas Adam’s “Hitchhiker’s Guide”
can you see my obvious enjoyment and how
much I find to apply to my own life, making it
more glorious than before?

You are a typical Bleah-sayer, along with Marvin,
the paranoid android, I bring you soap bubbles and
you blow them away, Bleah, and strip off the wide
ballroom gown of reality to show me the torturous
whalebones underneath, insisting I should wear
the painful devices and imitate female wiles and
artifice if I want to write love poetry that is worth
your while – guess what

Never the twain shall meet, Alice will always dream
and she will always float away with the bubbles the
moment someone tries to destroy her soap bubble
dreams! Are you going to say Bleah before you go
your realistic way?


.......Saying Bleah Beautifully........

This is how it began: ‘A mattress had just met a robot’
and Alice was back in Wonderland, the mattress was
clearly female, in James Bond parlance she would
have had a feminist slur name like Floopy Galore

Her seductive nature is conveyed by the verbs used to
describe her innocent enjoyment of life, she flolloped
sympathetically, seductive sounds evoking an enticing
voice speaking floopily when she vollued engagingly

Deeply moved by Marvin’s story of personal tragedy, she
furbled and said voon most ingeniously before globbering
a bit and then willomied along her entire length sending
excited ripples through her algae-riddled pond, stopped

And gubbed when Marvin mentioned his speech, a thrill
glurried across her back, she heaved into the air, quivered
and flodged back into the pool, chirruped and quirruled
and enthused about Marvin’s prowess, flurred a bit

Flolloped, gupped and willomied in a floopy way, wurfed
saying voon and the scene ended far too soon, Alice knew
the mattress had to be female, no male could ever hold an
innocuous conversation with such nonchalance

Marvin held up his end of the conversation in an entirely
masculine way, saying Bleah beautifully and immediately
concluding she was clearly a stupid mattress, the universal
male opinion of the female race, pausing to convey

A general contempt for all things mattressy – read female
another give-away is Douglas Adam’s explanation that
most mattresses get caught and slept on and a feeble
sun ray caused her to bask momentarily

That is what women always do, Alice knew, she did it all
the time as she tried to serve and please the Lord and
Master of the Crocodile Castle…


“The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” - Douglas
Adams Wings Books 1996 edition pp.348 - 354