Sanctuary Lost

I am becoming inured to lack of feeling like most
normal people, to keep special sensitivity alive in
a world where force-feeding of things we dislike is
practised on us while we have not learnt how to
escape the ill-effects of our disgust with the way
our freedom is destroyed, desires ignored and
ideas obliterated; seems an impossible task

Spiritual masters assure us it is our own fault for
giving our power away, if we knew how to dream,
resurrect previous visions or construct new ones,
life would be better again; I have lost my cast of
fictitious characters after my taking them into un-
safe territory and forcing them to row in uncharted
waters, after being subjected to inexorable force

They refuse to return for a new play, accusing me
of corrupting intrigues, my explanation that I was
experimenting to widen their repertoire, is met with
stony silence or hot tears, their sanctuary lost, no-
where safe, they say, no dream sacrosanct, they
shall not stay to be abused again, everyone gone,
when the plot derailed I did not protect them

I am living in nomansland, without feeling or joy, no
flame of hope, just waiting for the next contrary thing
to remind me this world is just an illusion - the only
happiness exists within the quest for wisdom; inability
to feign enthusiasm for boring things will not allow me
to simulate intelligence or conquer boredom while
engaged in senseless tasks - oh well -

Time is passing and things change all the time…