I am Mute (Revised)

Today is lost, I could not navigate
a steady course, mind disturbed,
nothing claims my concentration,
surfaced now and again to where
my head is snared in a net of
meaninglessness

Could not create a purpose or set
a Don Quixote task, cannot dream
the impossible dream for mother,
a hip replacement which financial
constraints make impossible, pain
her constant companion

No state hospital operations, only
self-funded private interventions
so how long should she need to
suffer? Nor can anyone alleviate
the pain – only her trust and faith
will pull her through,

To know she has to endure the
destructive agony of pain dims
beauty of life, makes me unsure
of myself and the meaning of
spiritual growth I assigned to
simple existence –

I could not breathe without it or
hear music; she must be released
from jeopardy, freed of pain, I am
mute in face of her suffering, my
head aches as my heart burns
shrinks into oblivion