My Own Feelings [REV.2]

I need fantasies to clothe bleak reality with
haloes and clouds without which my mind
shrivels and dies - the sun fades and I can’t
feel the wind or accept life’s pros and cons
within the ethical ought of conditional love

When I stop colluding with my fey illusions to
find perspective in inter-subjective consensus,
time blackens like the plague while my heart
dies incrementally as I leave these dreams un-
till the pain of loss turns life into a nightmare

Then I resurrect each pristine, glowing dream
and soon the sun returns filling my mind with
nostalgic songs taking my soul into a safe place
of free-flowing tears expressing my secret joys
while passion reignites reality’s cold emptiness

I float away into a realm of fantasies finding my
own niche without being told repeatedly I must
agree with everything being said - regardless of
my own feelings …

[14 July 2014]


[ORIGINAL:]

To function at all I need certain dreams to stay intact,
whenever I dismantle them, expose a bare reality with-
out the haloes and clouds reached in every high jump
from reality’s trampoline into the ether above, my mind
shrivels up and dies, my soul shudders and I can’t see
the sun nor feel the wind or accept the cons as part of
the pros in the game of life

This weekend I decided to be realistic and ignore the
illusion with which life delights me to take facts as they
seem to be – time turned black like the plague and I
died moment by moment, keeping it up to wean myself
of dreams, but my heart broke and I could not sustain
the pain, making a u-turn allowing my inner child to
dream again - thus the sun rose

Life’s harshness turned into a gilded song -I HAVE to
live in my head where music plays and notes carry my
heart into my own private space of bitter-sweet feeling
where tears express secret joy – so let me go, I’m off
again because reality is black emptiness, a graveyard
of dashed hopes which can’t hold me, the dream is
calling and there is my space

Where I have a place without being told all the time I
have to agree with everything you say, regardless
of my own feelings….