It Might Be

Right after concluding that in a few areas of
life I have total control, my appearance and
order in the bedroom and kitchen, therefore
feeling proud of my discovery and admiring
the assortment of clothes artfully arranged
on my bed while I try to circle my eyes with
a smudgy pencil imitating a girl on TV, just
to receive comment from my family that I
look like the walking dead; I realized --

Though it is enjoyable to decorate my grey
hat with silver filigree & glue back the broken
arm of my Christmas fairy -- I’ve lost control
over my room with clothes strewn about and
blackened eyes make me look like the after-
math of a boxing match: the only two things
still all-right are my grey hat & restored fairy,
as the kitchen falls into chaos, I start to ask
why it is so enjoyable to do things for myself

When it always results in the mess facing me
now and why do theory and practice diverge
so much - I cut out pictures of the mountain
bike I desire and recipes for scorched potato
salad; yet my beloved thinks a bike would
be wasted on me & I never make the dishes
I read about, the control the guru claims we
have, seems to be lacking in my life & it’s my
own fault as we are free to create our destiny,

The guru claims - thus I give up my desire for
mastery to focus on my ideals as it’s the only
vision left after my world-view crashed, I just
want the gift of wisdom to show love in res-
pect & serve where required, control is not
yet mine – though it might be someday…