Losing The Plot

There’s a Bubble-Universe in my head and I
frequently fall into the depths: that’s why it’s
so difficult to look up terms -while doing fine
checking every line, I suddenly lose track of
my place on the page, then feel as if I’m lost
in space and time, chronological sequences

Are lost and I boil in the heat of the anxious
hot spell in my head which cooks my brain
into a wire-mesh and I have to wait until the
storm is past to balance on the hexagonal
lines that encompass the holes in my mind;
only then can the search for the meaning of

Terms commence & the joy of investigating
to find the correct content and concomitant
success, temporarily obliterate the shock
on losing the plot…

Self-Destruction

Let’s change focus from corruption - to the
nature of state capture, a political-network-
project for symbiosis between the Shadow
State and the Constitution - after the silent
coup which has replaced the original rule

South African politics became a game of
resistance to these politics, Zuma’s project
to change state institutions for the Zuma-
Gupta-family power elite to appoint pawns
in Government & State Owned Enterprises

Creating a Shadow World of deniability and
distributed culpability with NO guarantees of
indispensability, governed by fear, a space
where criminal networks control the National
Treasury & the Financial Intelligence Centre -

Which used to control illicit finance, also the
Chief Procurement Office which used to take
legal action against corrupt practices - and to
take control of Guarantees, thus state entities
borrow from private lenders & banks without

Parliament consultation, & the public service
grew to provide a compliant bureaucracy as
loyalists replaced good cops in intelligence &
police to facilitate a criminal network which
negates Black Economic Empowerment

The Executive Authority of Cabinet has been
replaced by KITCHEN Rule; Party Bosses to
ensure ANC National Executive Committee
remain loyal to a radical economic-transfor-
mation-smokescreen for the patronage to

Use Eskom & Transnet to loot state resources;
this Shadow State has to be dismantled and
the perpetrators of State Capture brought to
justice if South Africa is to escape the fate
of the rest of Africa destroyed by the

Freedom Fighters turned Predators after
chasing the former enemy away and taking
over government to become easy prey for the
international criminal community to direct their
every step straight into corruption and

Self-destruction…

*****************************

Reading the News; the State Capacity Research Project is an
academic research partnership between leading researchers
from four Universities in South Africa

“In 2014 Zuma made an arrangement with Putin for a deal in
which 8 nuclear reactors for power generation would be built
in South Africa. But he didn’t mention it in his Government
Caucus or seek Parliamentary approval. Hence the Western
Cape high court has ruled it was unlawful.

Zuma acted outside his authority, he’s not supposed to unilaterally
engender such schemes. The Russians are equally at fault in
thinking the arrangement was cut and dried because it was
‘Presidentially Approved’.

Yet the Russian Nuclear deal, which will cost the tax payer and
make South Africa liable for all accidents when the reactors leave
Russian borders, is guaranteed to bring about escalating costs
until it will be impossible to finish installing it while the country
keeps on paying the debt for NOTHING in return except general
mayhem, just as fracking in the Karoo is going ahead - yet there
is no water and even worse - chaos is left in fracking’s wake –
the Shadow State destroys just as the Congo was destroyed –
Africa will return to the hunter-gatherer state while criminals
will enjoy endless war…

**************************************

The speech of a Russian lecturer and activist, Vladimir
Slivyak, about Russian nuclear reactors as a solution to
the South African crisis, was not encouraging.

Under the agreement, if anything goes wrong with the nuclear
reactors, Russia has ZERO% liability for the consequences.
And Russia has a track record for things going wrong with their
reactors. In the 6 decades USING nuclear to create energy,
there were several incidents. Chernobyl was the only one that
caused waves as it affected so many other countries, it could
not be hidden – 60% of the radioactive dust landed outside
Soviet territories. Even now Germany cannot hunt animals in
certain forests because of the contamination.

The state nuclear regulator, Rostekhnadzor, said 39 incidents
had occurred in 2013 - reasons: “mismanagement, defects in
equipment and design errors”.

The South African build will cost R1-trillion and more & then
ENDLESS cost of LOOKING AFTER the nuclear waste.

There is enough evidence nuclear energy is a dying industry.
Most countries are looking towards sustainable energy sources,
& the only ‘new-build’ reactors are happening in China & Belarus.
Even RUSSIA is REDUCING their nuclear energy quota.

In this dying industry there are too many unanswered questions
for South Africa to go down this path – but the world knows that
corruption is always present in the nuclear industry.

Tender, Anyone [Rev]

Asking for language tenders, the Tender Committee sent
requests to catering companies - brilliant! Police, security
companies, sports teams, strip clubs; anyone was free to
enter their tender to translate, edit or interpret tho whether

Knowing a language or not is apparently irrelevant. The
tenders are awarded on a democratic basis - cheapest,
first come-first serve; it is so much fun and bureaucracy
becomes a haven for criminals inventing amazing ways

To exploit a system so joyously hilarious in its simplicity,
throwing open tenders without any impeding & irritating
conditions such as proven ability: tender anyone, tender
& make a fast buck, subcontract & don’t pay workers

If the unpaid subcontracted experts leave, use others,
this can continue indefinitely; tender, anyone - join in
the fun - funds to be shared amongst vagabonds and
every job in government is filled by incompetents who

Receive a high salary to solicit tenders from whoever
wants to make money subcontracting to experts who
won’t get paid & will be replaced by other incompetents
to be replaced over and over until another devious mind

Masterfully comes up with a new scheme - as long as
government survives in the interim - until we end up like
the Congo, where government employees are not paid,
left to take care of themselves

 

Congo: “Débrouillez-vous”—“You’re on your own” – Mobutu Sese Seko -

Government employees were not paid but expected to use their positions

to make a living.



Qualify As Holy [R]

Holiness was the goal instilled by my tribe - but the
leaders lived the opposite - using this holiness goal
only for control, compelling underlings to submission
and following rules in subservience while exploiting a
majority sentenced to poverty; therefore let’s discard

Tribal holiness and find other ideals: Wisdom as the
road to Love and a happy Mind, looking with an eye
without hypocrisy, seeing beauty in everything, when
we know every dark, ugly, chaotic cacophony simply
is an array from which harmony can be created by

A deft hand, a wise ear, a clear eye… not being holy
and having no chance to become such - it is attained
by the dead only - we’re free to be boisterous, happy
unholinesses running around shouting or wallowing in
a self-pitiful abyss when cringing with guilt, just living

And feeling, eating and screaming and being; holiness
is irritating and never rings true, only a dead Madonna-
image is holy - LOVE as saving someone from danger
of death or offering smiling joy to everything, untouched
by rules, is a WISDOM and makes us all holy enough

No recompense can be required for Wisdom and Love,
no remuneration expected for uplifting the misery of the
suffering, anyone paid or admired for being holy, loses
the attribute of holiness in the loss of humility; only the
very humble who never chase accolades, who never

Elevate themselves in pride, who receive each day as
an unconditional gift to be spent succouring the needy
at the cost of their own comfort and dignity can qualify
as Holy; - like my father dying with nothing left after he
gave away everything to his beloved Queen of Hearts

And Tom Thumb, his youngest son, a conniving knave,
stealing his father’s wealth in revenge for missing the
glory he feels should have be his…

Willing Slaves [R]

Walking downstairs; turning back 6 flights up again, I
need a song to wake up singing to; - pondering which
I chose Sounds Of Silence on finding that just walking
didn’t stop me from falling over in an overheated, open-
plan office - singing makes me feel free & empowered,
joyous and content - a great beginning to a new day

Then I smuggled a newspaper-covered brick into the
office to try keeping the doors ajar to allow fresh air in
to counter the stifling broken air-con atmosphere; but
it didn’t work - now the brick’s a bookstand in my work
station - I commiserate with my mute, shiny brick with
its weight denoting power, strength and dependability

Tomorrow I’ll bring another to create a two-sided book
stand; my second chair now stands on a window desk
wearing a black-and-white tablecloth, a net and white
lace curtain, next to a tall box crowned with a hat, like
a glamorous scarecrow, blocking heat from a slanted
sun sending forth the kind of deadly rays that had

Riddick fleeing from the prison planet in his Chronicles,
I flee to the stairs singing Sounds Of Silence, the office
mute in the heat – we the willing slaves of Armageddon…

Living Forever [R]

So make a list of things you love: I love Wisdom and
adore HONESTY, I love the male Psyche & concept
of romance, I love a challenge and adventure, finding
Beasts that change into Princes, Ugly Ducklings that
change into Swans; I love cynical people discovering
self-fulfilling prophecies and laughing at themselves

I love Soul-less Little Mermaids dying for refusing to
kill a Prince so they may live - thus acquiring a Soul,
I love independent people with integrity; I love Snow
Maidens in winter and Snow Queens with Dreams in
their own Ice Crystal Palaces with Loving Sisters who
are coming to rescue them; I love twins entwined at

The Heart who heal each other once they understand
that life is not about them: life is about creating more
examples of being-ness and loving the process more
than the product; life is about constructing our own
beautiful Ice Crystal Palaces as an Inner Sanctuary
and filling our Mental Cathedrals with songs sung

By Crystal Consciousness continuously swinging on
wavelengths which form stars flashing with Mozart’s
Concerto No 21 & Tchaikovsky’s tribute to his sister
in the Sugar Plum Fairy’s Pas-de-Deux, making her
a delightful queen living forever in nostalgia…

Rules The Roost

Admire our dear Marie Antoinette who prides herself
on being courteous and gracious at all times, even if
she has 15 staffer’s jobs, as she so magnanimously
proclaims with self-congratulary pride - but sadly she
has been driven to distraction by Snegourka from the
Russian Fairy Tale who needs ice to survive - a local
office dunce, stripping Antoinette of her artificial mask

Graciousness gone Marie adopts an accusatory snarl
since Snegourka is from another dimension causing a
squint in Marie’s elegant eyes & an aggressive stance
against Snegourka’s totally impenetrable dreaminess,
Marie insists the Russian is all wrong while her usual
saccharine voice becomes a vicious growl as she tries
to overpower & break down her Russian Nemesis and

Attempts to keep her on a shortening leash, fortunately
Snegourka is so dense her presence does not wear thin
and she vaguely smiles when the queen descends, she
doesn’t fall on her knees nor does she leopard-crawl, so
Marie Antoinette reveals her carefully concealed feet of
clay - her dainty manners are giving way before the Ice
Maiden, revealing lack of consideration for other people

Which is more precious than protocol and etiquette when
applying the Wisdom Principle: Snegourka’s not a jewel
in the sceptre with which Queen Marie rules the roost…

A Thunder Queen

I rampage into the office, noisily greeting all while
bathing in warmth of my African colleagues, joy &
laughter destroying Western inhibitions; therefore
on receiving news of our friend’s sudden demise, I
stormed in like a Thunder Queen ready to steal the
show in the family’s volcano of shock and despair -

They desired to be alone and grieve in silence, yet
the house resounded to my wailing as I touched my
friend’s still warm body in the house; and this quiet
Afrikaner family, of whom Lieb was the only sizzling
noisy one, was shocked by my patent disregard for
their wishes & disrespect for a bereaved, maternal

Figure who was striving for quiet tears of despair in
isolation - while I tornado’ed through their pain and
intense grief-struck focus on pain; - and when they
let me know to not return again, I reacted like a real
goddess, angry at being rejected when I just meant
well and wanted to help and it took me four days to

Calm down enough to realise that a whirlwind with
good intentions is a most undesirable event when
black despair descends on a family and they have
a right to privacy; ashamed I hung my head, what
a terrible friend - I’m the worst kind of friend there
is - projecting my feelings onto others - trying to

Force them to contend with what I want for them -
true friendship is quiet consideration for the needs
of others - dear Barbara, I confess: I’m sorry I was
so overbearing in deciding what would be good for
you, trying to take over your life, I won’t do it again…

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Thursday 18 October 2017

Lieb died on Monday 15 May 2017 – his animated voice
and boisterous laughter, his description of himself as a
mirage, his amazing sense of humour and the twinkle in
his mischievous, Puckish eyes; will be sorely missed…

Free To Become [Rev]

For me “life” is electricity and we’re “computers”
sending out & receiving waves - which construct
personalities fitting our specific type of machine

The electricity continues to exist - regardless of
how many computers are operating, it is never
confined to just a computer or other apparatus

Our electric “mind” or spirit or soul exists within,
& above and beyond all our physical world, and
just as we never destroy a broadcasting station

Or electric grid by switching off gadgets thus our
electric awareness and consciousness is always
continued without interruption - and without need

For any manifestation in the physical world; thus
everything is “neutral” till we assign meanings to
it by designing & acting the dramas and intrigues

Of the “lives” we’ve created; when electricity is no
longer confined to a computer body, it then takes
its knowledge with it, is freed to become anything

Else it wants in any dimension - physical or non-
physical; I respect other philosophies with this as
the freedom to distill the essence of life in love

State Of Grace

It is delightful not to be isolated with the Register and
Work-Oh-Hand, with Marie Antoinette now steering the
heavy, old-fashioned Administrative Foreign Languages
bus, swerving round curves, accelerating downhill when
the numbers make sense - and within me

The little Alien is delirious with happiness that there is
no long, lonely trek through the dark recordkeeping that
is bureaucracy; checking my documents I get all the file
numbers wrong, confuse the dates and places, now I’m
sitting in the back of this automotive wonder as our

Dainty Marie is driving the system with aplomb, unraveling
registry codes, demanding to know why the column for the
year 2017 keeps changing to 2018 & 2019 with every new
line; last night I was still ill from eating processed fish and
was led to meditate on the wonder in the world – and now

Today Marie Antoinette, all beautiful perfume and exotic
incense, is taking our Administration so high it feels as if
we fly, with my eyes on the exquisite surprise that every
second brings, I know all is well, kindness renews the air
that was stale due to a broken air-con; but here, now -

Colleagues are filled with forgiveness and amazing zest
for life, beautiful thought forms with enchanting colours
are outlined in the light filling this space – I’m standing
here in a state of grace…

Nothing Important [Rev]

Like me people who haven’t slept & put salt
in their tea (it works beautifully - less sugar
needed to sweeten a bitter brew) can’t think
clearly; my head’s scrunched-up - dried like
a sponge - valves of the transistors in my
old-fashioned mind flickering in emergency
mode, confusing imagery formed in the

Frontal mammalian brain - just like a TV out
of focus: I don’t know what’s going on & life
seems absurd and surreal; I’m ordered down
from my desk where I perch to go sit down in
my immense torture-instrument-chair where
my question Resend? is met with a negative
NO, I’m going to Scan and Send it - to me

That means Resend, but as all remarks are
met with a NO and rephrasing of everything
said, I throw in the towel and look at my dear
document - investigating an ’88 murder case
in France with bureaucracy worse than our
malfunctioning age - each and every page
proves money was spent just to determine

The murderer’s gone & nothing could be
done to untangle intrigue - it is no fun, I
sigh - history’s useless, these pages only
underline spiritual advice to live for today;
& a colleague launches into vibrato-song,
I replace yesterday’s deathly grey & the
garish twang of our wildly gyrating crooner

With Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker dancing in my
head, my earphones pressed deep to shut out
the noise of nothing important going on…

[Thursday 5 May 2017]

Lucky Me – Finally [Rev]

I’m so glad we’re moving again - from Kingsley
to the Van Wyk Louw-Gebou; as my colleagues
debate merits of this new building, I am jogging
on the spot ready to go taking the 6th floor stairs
while breathlessly singing ‘valderi, valdera’, & it
really sounded good, maybe I should sing softly
only when out of breath; lunch was spent

Walking 2 kilometres to check my speed should
my beloved agree that I meet him down Madiba
Street walking 4 blocks to Nelson Mandela Way;
how apt since Mandela is my hero, and this will
compensate for Ulrike leaving the Department;
it will also afford me incentive, and opportunity,
to take exercise seriously - maybe lose weight

It’s a challenge to face the chaos and confusion,
such sweet frustration which feels like a game -
and it’s going to be fun, with shops & restaurants
galore near the new building & new thoughts and
feelings to be engendered while discovering new
beings in the vicinity, walking in golden sunshine
singing while swinging my bag - yes, this is a

Very good thing, oh, happy lucky me - finally!

[Wednesday 3 may 2017]