Lonely Beginning

I can’t prove anything to anybody – what
can I prove that will make a difference?
The rich grow richer, so I want my kids
to grow rich, the poor grow poorer, so I
don’t want a senseless increase of poor
people. What movie do I want to see?
And when can we go down to the sea?

And how can I explain that a pure, robot
voice sings perfectly, every note in place,
but cannot move me, but another voice,
younger, vibrating beautifully, drive me
to tears? How to lock on to good things
when gloom envelopes my beloved who
has to retire in the prime of life? I beg him

to build himself a work space to enjoy his
woodwork and ironmongery hobbies at
home, but he waits for financial security
before moving forwards, ere committing
to anything - my heart is melting in me –
how do I keep breathing, what to do in
this misery of wasted opportunities, of

waiting for reincarnation in a dimension
completely new and unheard of - to learn
what companionship, warmth and joy is
really like? My heart is cold, my mind is
empty and it is impossible to visualise
Hope and Faith and Belief – because

I’ve lost all of it – how can I infuse my
existence with positive expectation and
relax into the peace and beauty of a life
of ease? Please, please rekindle the fire
of life in my heart, let me feel the wonder
of existence versus nothingness – is this
the legacy of a lonely beginning to life?

[Tuesday 23 January 2018 Sechaba House,
Pretoria]