Mind Contracting

No sleep, brain awake under an unknown chemical and now
I’m an eighty-year old with severe dementia, the only concept
of strength is sleep seeking oblivion, I fumble at my desk and
can’t lift my head, waves of fatigue washing over me & I drink
coffee just to understand all my colleagues’ cheerful bantering

Hallucinating I jump up in acute embarrassment, hastily I pour
coffee in my frozen drink before trying to track down Maverick
bus-driver who kept my purse for me, to hand him a promised
cool-drink in thanks - while knowing I might have to walk eight
blocks to another stop if his bus doesn’t come – compressed

My brain contains no joy I can’t escape this suffering - mind
contracting till the pressure is unbearable - still this moment
in time continues unabatedly as my ability to escape myself
is destroyed by lack of serotonin - how does one overcome
when there’s nothing one can do to pass the time &change

The grid of lightning pain contracting in one’s head, and how
does one remain calm when one’s mind’s exploding in white
hot lava spurting from one’s head, leaving nothing but stupid
regression in its wake?

[Tuesday 26 March 2019]