Dragon Of Boredom - I Smell a Rat!

Failure, that big black word of depression,
failure to master myself, to obtain victory
over my incompetence, failure to work
slowly, doggedly, to concentrate on boring
texts, failure to read those texts, much less
understand them, then interpret correctly,
painstakingly looking for word equivalents
in various languages, living in anxiety,
fearing this overpowering feeling of
lethargy will take over my life, at school
studied boring texts as if my life depended
on them, studied myself to death at
university – yet today my spirit revolts
against the acceptance of each boring text,
my eyes refuse to focus on them, I don’t
make deadlines or hand in maimed work
of horrible quality, I’m supposed to do a
job I can’t master - for the reward of
receiving money which is promptly lost
in my paying for pills to keep going…
My biggest failure in life is to overcome
lassitude, boredom and lethargy; even
threats of punishment and death – fire
and brimstone- do not help very much
I have fought the dragon of boredom,
and lost – yet again, if I give in, I’ll
end up in the gutter - I think I won’t know
the difference; the gutter might just
be more interesting than being here!
When depression threatens, I must follow
a strict regimen of fresh, bland foods
to feel fine again, what a schlep, eating
badly simply to return to the rat race with
no end in sight – do I smell a rat?

12 June 2009