No Place For Me

While reading my book making me smile with its lovely
message, someone else listened to a serious sermon
delivered by a male voice in an American accent which
leaves me untouched, I realized that all my notions of
principle, morality and love were gained from authors of
my favourite books

My ideas were formed after discovering the hero of my life
at age nine, since then I have never looked back again, when
the protagonist declared noble emotions do not emanate from
what we see, but are fabricated by ourselves in our minds, I
started constructing my own ideals, strengthened by the
example of my Leo mother

The Queen of Hearts who taught single-minded fixation
to the point of self-suffocation – that was when I realised
it’s better to branch out into inter-subjectivity also, had to
search for my opposite to counter all these dreams I had
inherited from an idolised mother who never listened to
anyone, paying the price for obduracy

Who never tried to combat her own faults by allowing others
to guide; I sought leaders and masters, learnt as much as I
could about consensus reality, only there was no place in it
for me; I kept reading until I found my niche; though I can’t
meet boring requirements, I can be joyous while
dreaming - which is all I want

While following the wise rules that keep me safe from old age
desolation and want…