Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Giving Up Life

Every year when we do Assessment with a
custom-made Assessment Instrument and I
have to explain why I have not changed into
a machine as yet
 
When I have to hide my fear of turning into a
robot and secretly rejoice that I have not lost
my feelings as yet – and everybody despises
me as a low achiever
 
And I receive a low mark for not being competent,
at all - I go through agony, I would LOVE to fit in -
would LOVE to turn into a machine if it could bring
me a feeling of safety
 
But I cannot kill my soul, stifle my spirit and destroy
my feelings, I don’t know how to rejoice at the pros-
pect of killing myself, while I abhor being the most
lowly official alive
 
I live with the shame because I cannot disown my
inner self, I suspect giving up life is not my decision,
I have tried it before and it never worked – I’m stuck
with being me…

2 comments:

Gerhard said...

and you are great, briliant, philosphical and my guide. So we can't all excel at mundane work tasks - but you excel at life and living it, understanding it, making sense of it all. You excel at inspiring people - your stories, your deep sense of understanding what this thing they call life is or perceived to be - makes it all worth while. In my book you score 100%. Please continue being you. Best Love! Gerhard

Margaret Alice said...

Thank you Gerhard, you are an angel for telling me this!

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