Cannot Be Made Good

Hanelie is part of a small inner group immensely
precious to me, she sang along with the words of
the Afrikaans songs she introduced us to, she was
shy and beautiful and blossomed at home as we
visited family, only the inner circle present

Her sing-along is one of my best memories; her
wedding was wonderful, Louis quiet and strong,
an ideal partner for her and wonderful father of
two naughty boys- I feel sad for Hanelie, for her
loss, where were Louis’ guardian angels

On the day that he died? I have a million hanging
onto every car that I drive – does his death mean
never ride a bike before sunrise on a misty morning
as there are trucks parked in the dark without lights
and guardian angels are sleeping then?

Everything is spoiled, the weekend a total loss, I carry
on like a zombie, trying to figure out a way to keep my
loved ones safe – and from now on, the loved ones of
Hanelie and my sister-in-law, Thea, and her husband
Hans – Thea suffering watching her daughter hurt

By the death of her man, I feel so disappointed with the
system of life- how can guardian angels guard me and
then fail to guard Louis, the father of a young family –
and Hanelie crying - How can I carry on- without
you, Louis? No guru can explain this to me

Talking of decisions taken pre-birth – it is awful -
cannot be made good…


17 March 2013