Escape To Regenerate

 Why did everything fall to pieces, even a
meal in my favourite fast-food eatery was
a disaster, food so late I had to bring it all
to the office, munching in-between typing
with oily cheese-griller fingers, everything
going awry - except for one thing: a small
scoop of sweet jam  becoming the spoon-
ful of sugar helping the austere, lugubrious
reality in which life shouldn’t exist, go down

This requires a visit to the Chinese shop to
search for magic in flowers & Alice bands,
the little alien in my head refuses to come
down from the rafters up there as he fears
the life here, Alice watching life through my
eyes feels so desolate, she resembles the
scared Jane Eyre; every colleague seems
like another frightful imitation Mr Rochester
while the Production Report is threatening

Still looking for a place to rest my mind –
finding none - the only safe place must be
made within the confines of my own mind
even if my colleagues are humming, out-
sourcing aloud and typing righteously as
I’m wavering above the event horizon of
a black hole - escape nearly impossible,
grabbing earphones to silence them and
find the sacred inner place where the

Dreams we fabricate bring the sweet
escape we need to regenerate

Alice and the Alien

 http://www.arabic-keyboard.org/

There’s an H for Heaven and an H for
heartache, an N for Nina and an N for
aNgry, a D for a reD Indian Nose and
a D with an attitude, a T for a laughing
Trompie and a T for Tarzan, one F for
Fairy and one Q for queen but two S’s
and a C and CH, two A’s and two La’s
and a Le – on the Arabic Keyboard – 

There is only one K which resembles a
foot from Arabian Nights in a boot; a K
is memorised by thinking of a Kitten in
charge based on a fairytale, K changes
into lightning when he is touched, there
are two W’s, one for sadness Weemoed
and the other with an attitude - I want to
escape from the feeling of guilt messing

Up my day by playing with the dancing
Arabic keyboard: the strategy’s failing,
the Internet guru says only one’s own
opinion counts which means disproval
of myself is the final verdict, I should
seek my own forgiveness - revive the
little alien in my head to ask his pardon
for my inner Alice in Wonderland who

Thought decorating a room is such fun
all concerns should fall by the wayside -
but now Alice and the Alien are both so
depressed, only confession to the Lord
& Master of the Crocodile Castle might
possibly produce the reprieve my inner
beings seek – ‘tis the sad tale of Alice
& the Alien living in translation land…

Sheer Guilt

Aha, finally realised what’s wrong: guilt
you little criminal, it’s sheer guilt that has
you feeling so bad: unilaterally decided
on monthly payback whereas you know
Lord and Master of the Crocodile Castle
insists on full payment immediately –

Now you fear discovery – the little alien
in your head passed out from anxiety,
crocodile lost interest in swimming and
thinking, translating & dreaming, knowing
it was wrong to cover up expenses; all
attempts to work came to an end as

My head shrivels up & burns with anxiety,
must make up the deficit, money used to
refurbish my changeling child’s room with-
out Scorpio’s consent, scared – now my
conscience demands steps to rectify the
problem of payment and I can’t because

Credit’s expensive – at least I confessed,
knowing what’s wrong will help to solve
the conundrum - repaying credit with a
credit card’s not working, bank fees are
killing me; I’m caught in a storm
of my very own making…

Would Not Heal

The backyard a dump, just like my mind, spent
a day without my pre-frontal brain, with only
the reptilian base still functioning - chemical
contamination rendering me insane, first I was

shocked on discovering that my words were
utterly bad – though my colleague explained
she could see how hard I worked to convey
a bad original text in a readable way, feeling

better did not help to solve my crocodilian
pain - Arabic offered respite – but the allergy
took everything and the little alien living
inside my head could not calm down again

crying inside I surfed through the day, trying
to ride every wave; crashing and smashing 
into the obstacles; the sad, empty feeling never
left and meaningless, cold and alone, playing

clown, crooning meaningless songs, uttering
platitudes; I bumbled on – my best friend is
gone and no matter how hard I tried, my heart
would not heal and the crocodile could not

recover from shock – I mentioned my pain
about the backyard dump to my little girl -
she threatened to leave if I uttered another
word – by now the crocodile is gone, one

thing left: the little alien dead in my head

Lively And High-Spirited [REVISED]

An insomniac night - I don’t feel so bright - should
I eat something, drink bitter coffee or keel over on
my desk; the last option is the best but colleagues
would have no rest until this evil  deed is revealed
to the overseer, Mme La Pompadour or June

Listening to a forlorn voice wailing like Anderson’s
Little Mermaid in my earphones; imagine how tired
and sad Rusalka, a lovelorn Water Sprite after she
saw her Prince only once - is she in for a surprise
once the romance is gone, but Song to the Moon

Is beautiful; a bright guru says ‘tend relationship
with Source, Soul or God’ – I suspect it’s a Soul,
an immature one who allows splintered me as a
small part of universal consciousness, to waste
precious life with headache and black coffee

Let’s hope Spirit learns never to send me to earth
again but to another dimension without a physical
body to mess with –and where I can be lively and
high-spirited all the time…

Immoral Foundations

Eyes feeding newspaper facts into the brain scaring
the feelings so much this Sunday is lost: a President
giggling like a hyena - while the country is burning -
enough to break the heart, the sky loses colour and
the trees turn grey, the state run aground by self-
serving innocents incapable of making decisions –
this is so sad – it seems useless to try any reforms

After a day spent in grey I realise the country is not
mine to control and save, no individual can do such
a thing, we can only visualise a glorious future for a
democracy in Africa where the concepts of human
rights and responsibility do not mean anything - &
freedom fighters without expertise gain power to
govern without wisdom - yet they are innocent

Following the example set by previous masters
who taught their suppressed subjects to ignore
the powerless,  the governing factions exploit the
poor irrespective of race - the only concession to
democracy in Africa is that the poor shall forever
be poor, irrespective of race - while the wealthy
masters will never spend their stolen  money on

Uplifting people – in Africa democracy means the
freedom to be exploited by sly criminals without
reference to race - while politicians exploit their
own countrymen, which makes it impossible to
develop infrastructure and good government –
building on the shaky and immoral foundations
left by their Western masters…

Strike it Rich [Rev.]

On-a-shoestring interior decorating for Carine -
white lace curtains & lace Hollandaise to cover
the table, bookcase and iron chair; velvet bed-
spread in silver, black cover for contrast, small
carpet in white, black & grey till I have funds for
one bigger; some transparent glass marbles in
order to cover marks of old bunk-bed fittings,
mirrors found in the house,

I can’t afford new ones, an item I couldn’t
omit although your lil sis berated me all the
time: roses - in pink splashes to symbolise
love, nothing can say it so clearly & though
it might be too much - just know I love you
because you’ve been given to me, a soul
who needs be cosseted - the rest of our
family’s so very independent and free

You’ve taken so many knocks yet you’re
here where I can accept you as you are -
tho’ with strange obsessions like reading
Hitler’s “Mein Kampf”, maybe its because
life’s been Hitler to you, destroying those
you loved; I’m a cracked pitcher too - yet
I’m here for you - mightn’t relate to pain
you suffer yet weathered my own youth

Maybe we have more in common than we
guess: as your parents were anathema to
you, mine scared me terribly, I had to learn
to relate to them in spite of their failings -
perhaps you can learn to love us, dad and
step-mom; in spite of shortcomings - a time
comes when one finds being unique doesn’t
mean being different from all humanity

When one learns everyone experiences pain
in the same way even if causes are different,
the constriction of heartache and suffering is
always the same; you'll find we can attain joy
in the same way: by opening our hearts for
more risks; we might just strike it rich
 - one day…


[ORIGINAL:]

Interior decorating – on a shoestring – for Carine,
white lace curtains & lace Hollandaise - to cover
the table, bookcase and iron chair; a velvet bed-
spread in silver & a black cover for contrast, just
a small carpet in white, black and grey till I have
money for a much bigger one; transparent glass
marbles in order to cover the marks of the old
bunk-bed fittings - mirrors found in the house

I could not afford new ones - one thing I couldn’t
leave out although your lil sis berated me all the
time: pink roses, splashes of pink to symbolise
love, nothing else says it so clearly and though
it might be too much - just know that I love you
because you have been given to me; the only
one who needs to be cosseted as the rest of
our family is so very independent and calm

You have taken so many knocks and you are
here - where I can accept you as you are with
all your strange obsessions - reading Hitler’s
“Mein Kampf” - maybe because life has been
a Hitler to you, destroying everyone you loved;
though I’m a cracked pitcher too - I’m here for
you - though I mightn’t relate to the pain you
suffered - I weathered my own youth; maybe

We have more in common than we think:  just
as your parents were anathema to you, my own
parents scared me so terribly, I had to learn how
to relate to them in spite of their failings – maybe
you can learn to love us, dad and step-mom, in
spite of our many shortcomings - there comes a
time when one realises being unique does not
mean being different from other human beings

When one learns everyone experiences pain in
the same way even if the cause is different, the
constriction of heartache and suffering is always
the same; you'll find we can attain joy in the
same way: by opening our hearts for more
of the same; we might just strike it
rich - one day…

Enshrined Beautifully (Cor.)

Studying Arabic, the Snow Queen
drinks Klatch coffee & realises she
is an anthropomorphic incarnation
in a Snow Kingdom which sways to
its own magical music; most people
fear spiritual effects of Klatch coffee

It reveals their OWN unknown scary
spirit being within, but she knows the
spiritual is sublime, mind shimmering
in blue: turquoise, sapphire & azure;
knows colour and shape of all sound
are held in snow crystal patterns

Knows the meaning of whispers which
create geometric shape on freezing into
unique snowflakes;  knows physical is
a small part of the Spirit Gestalt which
sent energy down to be civil servants:
to live life & record their experience

On how it feels to live a cloistered
life; this experience is to be held in
memory banks containing wisdom,
even from other universes where all
potential is realised, then beautifully
enshrined in eternal consciousness
 
Forming the pearls hanging in god
Indra’s famous celestial abode…

Shut Out (Cor.)

Passwords are a terrible evil - an atrocity -
a scourge to the lonely individual who can't
remember the swarm of passwords each of
which takes flight as soon as it is concocted
refusing to return when password-protected
medical fund account is to be opened

Credit card account forever closed without the
forgotten password, Facebook branched out
into a sconce of three password sites because
old accounts became inaccessible and I tried
again and again - in vain  - then gave up; the
famed Linked-Line forever a closed book

To be read by others and never by me - the
prescribed password for the office computer
with all its nit-picking frills and twirls must be
at least 8 characters long & contain numbers
and punctuation marks - totally impossible to
remember by a little alien with her head

In the clouds - does the world really want all
happy dreamers to come down to earth and
fixedly watch only the trampoline - following
the weave and twirl of its surface  - creating
passwords for every area of life, locking our-
selves out of our own being: such a shame

Especially given the fact that this little alien
finds it difficult to remain in the assigned body
for physical life - according to Net's chakra test
the red chakra indicating ties to earth shows this
alien's not well bonded at all; what bonding can
take place when the purple alien Snow Queen

Is shut out from her own life?

Icy Cool Air

The Snow Queen returned, secretly, stealthily,
softly, I did not notice her return but realised
she was here as soon as the rose petal blanket
was affixed around me serving as a Peruvian
skirt befitting the Machu Picchu icy cool air such
as we have in the open-plan office where

The Air-Con Monster System burst into life - as
monsters go, this one isn’t nice, blasting us with
ice-cold air and we have to wear fleeces and polar
gear, BUT the Snow Queen loves the Monster Air-
Con and lovingly whispers sweet nothings to her
favourite Weather System - Alpine Swiss air

And Terry Pratchett’s lazy snow storms everywhere,
everything palpably reminds of the Siberian Taiga
and the thick snow layer there, the Snow Queen sits
in my chair enjoying the Frozen System, I’m nowhere
as the alien in my head is floating above dreaming
of gleaming ice floes and terrifying ice-bergs

And hibernation in a secret ice lair – nothing gets done
as the fantasy goes on - floating above everything I
feel more cold-blooded reptile than ever before, the
beautiful dream goes on and on…

A Perfect Background [REVISED]

Inspirational ideas strengthen me while the
enactment of people’s scary fantasies saps
my strength leaving emptiness & a sense of
futility as tragic realism causes depression;
though art distilling wisdom and presenting
it in the right terms, creates a safe place

Where the mind can rest; we should control
thought a mystic guru says:  If a brick fell on
my head every time I imagined negatively - I
would learn positive thinking really fast - at
least I’ve learned true affection brings joy
and beauty expresses love uniquely
 
Though context & situation, time and place
determine the perception of timeless form
& dimension; the iridescence of fine glass
and crystals, pure white lace & cascading
waves, white flowers and stars shining in
a dark velvet sky; emotions affect ability

To discern love in beauty and love is seen
as a bright light against the cold darkness
of realism - which serves a very important
purpose: to provide a perfect background
for the shine I love so much…


[ORIGINAL:]

I prefer inspirational ideas to descriptions of
gruesome realities created by people for sheer
boredom or to play out their exciting fantasies,
reading newspapers emphasises emptiness,
a sense of futility that makes life meaningless

Reading literature written by the above people
who created the newspaper events with so
much relish, causes the same experience, but
authors who distil life events and present their
experience and insight gained in such a way

That their wisdom is framed and shines through
their beautiful use of words to create a warm
place where I can rest my mind and forget the
bad things done and said in the lives we lead;
makes me read an Internet guru instead of

Looking at the pain some like so much, I wish
a brick would fall on my head every time I think
a negative thought to clean up my thinking fast,
in spite of my many blessings I focus on the few
things I want to improve - yet all these problems

Are caused by a negative attitude to these issues,
been unhappy with my appearance and thus every-
thing I feared was wrong is worsening, the 1 thing
that really improved is my fear of being forced into
stiff unhappiness - at present I expect happiness

And joy from all sources, a child reared in hate who
never loved - I learned true affection heals every-
thing and for me beauty expresses love uniquely
so I built a temple to crystal consciousness in my
sitting room with crystals and shiny material –

Beauty is determined by context & situation being
related to Einstein’s relativity - the place and time
determine a subject’s impression – yet certain
things are abstractly beautiful beyond changing
factors - like form and classical dimensions

Crystals and fine glass, lace blindingly white and
white foam on cascading waves, a pristine white
flower against a sheer black background, stars in
the dark of night - all these are always beautiful,
yet mood will determine what beauty we seek

I seek the beauty of transparency and iridescent
shine against the velvet darkness behind, the 99%
black matter quantum physicists think makes up
the universe has a purpose, like the stories I don’t
read – to be a prefect background for the shine

I love so much…

Eloquent Braggadocio

When someone goes into self-righteous mode
a hot, terrible fury rises like a raging whirlwind
in me so I have to block the voice of the self-
styled paragon - when esteemed colleagues

Discuss their work in self-satisfied tones, their
language classes in gloating terms, doctorates
to come in rising pedagogical directives - axe
murder is my first predilection; even though

They are miracles of Calvinist ethics & attempts
to uplift us are admirable; small grandiloquence
is lost on me, my brain is a slow leaden wagon
and must contemplate every fact for a long time

It’s not attractive when they show off excellence
& we can’t emulate them, boasting rodomontade
and swaggering gasconade are useless here and
I have to drown them out with music to keep the

Dream of beauty alive since  there is no beauty in
condescending education & eloquent braggadocio

Can’t Wait For Perfection

Sweet, so sweet the air-con revenge: finally
the system is fixed, I’m purple and blue with
the cold in the office, everyone huddles in all
kinds of garments, we had complained a lot
and now we must suffer the blast of icy winds
and wear our warm winter minks

I can bring my rose-petal top I had despaired
of never wearing and this is better than over-
heating I think, though why we should be tor-
mented this way, never allowed any comfort
strikes me as a mystery – maybe this is how
government employees suffer Purgatory

And as life continues as we leave our physical
bodies we go straight to a kind of bureaucratic
heaven where the temperature will be just right
I can’t wait for such perfection…

Fighting Against The Odds

 Letter by letter, always starting from the left
and word by word, I’m only on page 2 after 4
days of hard work, yet my resolve to carry on
does not waver, determination to keep going
is growing stronger, I’m learning all the time –

Though my brain is heavy and slow, though the
fear there are Black Holes in my mind in which
information disappears and I never find certain
things again - I’m mountaineering, scaling this
Arabic mountain one step at a time, working

Through lunch, listening to music when noise
in the office interferes with images created by
the languid Arabic letters creating feelings by
which I recognise some and deduce others -
dreaming of conquest & victory, but for now

Working like this is terribly slow, starting from
the left when typing the Arabic word while my
single-minded computer changes word order
and I have to type one word at a time on the
Arabic keyboard:  first A, then L, next -

The pretty Queen with 2 crowns on her head,
then Weemoed, A again, Nina, next my angry
eyes Y, and last Nina repeats again, which is
القوانين = “laws”

Next word : A then L, M, T, Bell, Queen, at the
very end Hartseer – fighting against the odds
by numbering every line and every word, thus
this is page 2, line 18, word 6:
المطبقة…. = “applicable”

At this rate I shall be busy till kingdom come –
it’s great as clever scientists said thinking &
walking every day keeps Alzheimer’s at bay-
given the Black Holes in my mind I have no
room for any more problems…

Make My Vision Come True

Dreaming of cascading white lace covering
the bedroom’s glass door, blindingly white
Dutch lace covering the dark wood bookcase,
also visualising the coarse-grained cupboards
painted alpine white to create an illusion of
space in this small room – then

Reality unfolds, cascading lace actually is too
demure, just a few humble folds without the
foaming effect seen in my mind’s eye, the white
Dutch lace is reticent too, does not show the
phosphorous glow as visualised, the old duvet
looks shabbier than ever - I know

It has to go, a vibrant new one should take its place
but in what colour, what would please Carine, what
kind of design, and most important of all – how to
convince my beloved to spend money on her room
to make my vision of Carine delighted - come true?

Wry Amusement

I’ve forgotten what it means when only one
person is allowed to live, the implications of
only you allowed to have your experience, the
rest of  us are fools, complete nitwits claiming
to have an experience too and that so different

From omnipotent you – how unthinkable, how
illegal and despicable, I dared to suggest sun’s
heat reflected from the wide concrete expanse
in the backyard heats the white sitting room &
even worse, the highest sin of them all, dared

To erect barriers against the heat outside as the
sliding doors have no blinds and you lost your
mind on noticing my transgression, I pulled it
down losing my calm – but ere I could write it
down, I listened to sweet music and now anger

Is spent, the hot fury making me wish to attack
you is gone – all that’s left is wry amusement at
your selfish lack of consideration for anybody
except your own holy self and your infantile
insistence that I agree with your stupidity...
 

A Magical Task

Pure magic, this is pure magic, the Arabic keyboard
on the Net is alive; letters writhe, change, dance and
sing, evoking feelings of pure beauty, type one letter
and it is all alone, type the next to see the first letter
changing form as it accepts a friendly mate –

But if the first letter is an introvert, refusing friendship,
it remains unchanged with no magic on screen - I’m
delighted by my task: retype pictures of Arabic letters
from a document, the fun never stops as this carousel
keeps on turning – can’t decipher meaning as yet –

Aesthetic appeal not marred by reality as connotation
remains purely emotional, this is a joyous play for me:
freedom to enjoy terms free from ice-cold meaning &
unleashing feeling unrelated to external events; pure
imagination provides everything - a magical task…

               ****************************************************
Letters with dots or a hamsa on their heads resemble
the flowers in Walt Disney’s Fantasia – floating & dancing
to the Waltz of the Flowers from the Nutcracker Suite

تقديم    and   وأنطمة

http://www.arabic-keyboard.org/
Click on the link below:
Arabic Keyboard

Artwork Of This Word

The Arabic word meaning “demonstrate” according
to the clever Google, looks so sad, starting on the left
with a sad Y - ي - two hurt little eyes below an angry
frown -  then comes a softly ringing bell - ب - the two
become firm friends forming a new bond, يب though
the hurt little Y is not looking at bell B - an innocent D
looking like the noble nose د of an Indian warrior at
peace with himself joins them - together these three
Musketeers show a most amiable adhesion يبد

 
Then comes the end, the saddest pair of angry, hurt
little eyes re-appear to create a complete picture of
misery, the little Y jumps up again, ي changing the
beautiful artwork of this word into this breath-taking
picture of sadness… يبدي… so demonstrative of
the sadness of the Palestinians used only as pawns
by their fanatic leaders with their strange fixation on
destroying everything joyous for the luckless goal of
absolute power based on Medieval principles…
 
"Demonstrate" in Arabic: يبدي
ي

In Purple And Silver [REV.]

The purple fairy took off her purple wings and
stashed her shimmering fabrics to make way
for translating -  converting a picture of Arabic
script into a typed Word document

She has to know when beautiful M changes
into a budding bloom, how celestial H forms
in a heart or a bow, to learn and see why the
letter Y is always frowning in anger and that

The letter T is always happy and laughing with
her, why the D has a star on the head, why the
fairy F is wearing a quaint old bonnet, why the
Queen has two jewels in her crown - then she

Discovered letter C has three stars – easy to
explain this: acronym QC is quality checking,
only the Queen orders QC and the C is King;
cross-eyed and weary, eyes-unfocused

The fairy misses her purple wings, yet mental
flights thru’ exciting domains of exotic cultures
give delight to the intellect and she berates the
little alien hanging from rafters in her head for

Sabotaging her attempts to become a scholar
of renown, albeit dressed in purple and silver -
listening to Chopin’s nocturnes...

The Men We Love [REV.]

Luxury to cry about disappointment - all my own fault,
prepared gifts for the Duchess, as she passed I was in
an Arabic incident, converting a picture of a document
into script for checking by Arabic experts - I didn't hear
my cell phone ring, did not look up as WhatsUp msgs
were sent

Finally the Duchess came to the office with her Peter
boiling in the most righteous fury at my carelessness,
disappointed in my poor performance, I handed gifts
to the Duchess, she gave me mine, a fairy in a globe
to shake dispersing perfect glitter; we said adieu, she
ordered me to take the bus to visit them in De Rust

And I realised: while my beloved is the cause of her
refusing to come visit me, Peter, her beloved, also is
cause of my refusing to visit her; she cannot insist on
eschewing my love however boorish he may be then
order me greet her adored barbarian simply because
she doesn’t care how badly he behaves – I do care

It’s awful to be deemed a pest and awful guest, I’ll
not be one again, two visits were enough to prove
her man’s as great a stumbling block as mine, so I’ll
cry and face my life as it is – nothing will change as
long as we remain true to the men we love…


[ORIGINAL:]The luxury to cry about disappointment – all my own
fault, prepared gifts for the Duchess but as she passed
I was in an Arabic incident, converting the picture of a
document into typed script for checking by a group of
outside Arabic experts – I never heard my cell phone
ring, did not look up as WhatsUp messages were sent

Finally the Duchess came to the office - disappointed
in my bad performance - Peter with her boiling in the
most righteous fury at my carelessness, I handed gifts
to the Duchess, she gave me mine, a fairy in a globe to
be shaken dispersing glitter perfectly, we said good-bye,
she ordered me to take the bus to visit them in De Rust

And I realised: while my beloved is the cause of her
refusing to come visit me; her beloved Peter also is the
cause of my having to refuse to visit her – she cannot
insist on eschewing my love – however boorish he may
be – then order me to face her barbaric beloved simply
because she doesn’t care how bad he does – I do care

It’s awful to be an unwanted guest – deemed a pest, I’ll
not become one again, two  visits were enough to prove
her man is as great a stumbling block as my guy is and
so I’ll cry and face my life as it is – nothing will change
as long as we remain true to the men we love…