Never been part of a peer group...

Never been part of a peer group
used to feel sad being an outcast
through small acceptance gained
confidence in being who I am, an
isolated thinker and dreamer

I refuse to change my viewpoints in order to
gain acceptance because my theories bring me
much joy and inner fire – being a pragmatist
measuring value of theory in terms of usefulness –
my theories are so beautiful; bring all the advantages
I am looking for...

Kids At School

Kids at school were having fun, all except one,
a face in which unhappy eyes beg for release,
why would this little one feel such a need for
escape from the general melée, why does she
seem to feel imprisoned there –

Could she be plagued by deeper feelings, by
other-worldly consciousness while
the order is - prescribed fun?

Notes 1981 To 2004

I kept my old diaries and made notes in them,
the ideas in my head as in writing French on
Friday 1983 and Saturday 1984, and when I
came across Carmen’s song Habanera in 1986
I noted it down, as well as the words of Hannah
in Die Lustige Witwe (The Merry Widow) in
the year 2004…

No Electron Orbits

I love the Internet, I love the discoveries
I make there, turning everything I was
taught in school and that is preached in
the Time Magazine and the Times
Literary Supplement on its head:

THE DIVINE COSMOS, CHAPTER 2:
LIGHT ON QUANTUM PHYSICS

Quantum physicists observed
the atom’s “electrons” are not
“points” at all, but form smooth,
teardrop-shaped “clouds” - the
narrowest end converge upon
a tiny central point - Dr. Milo
Wolff makes this perfectly
clear on p. 122:

There Are No Electron Orbits

The notion of electrons
traveling around a nucleus
like planets around the sun
is a terrible blunder - - and
dr Milo Wolff tears it asunder

All calculations and various
experiments show - there is
no satellite-like orbital motion
in the normal atom, there are
standing wave patterns instead

Entirely spherical, the center of
the electron and the proton
patterns is SHARED – such
is the situation of H-atoms
in the universe:

Blessed with spherical
symmetry, not orbits
at all!

http://divinecosmos.com/index.php?option=com_

content&task=view&id=96&Itemid=36

Completely Wonderful

What really catches my attention
is how all is speculation because
nothing can be proven about the
crop circle phenomenon, which
simply means that where we have
been able to establish a consensus
inter-subjective regarding limited
sensory evidence

Humanity cannot reach consensus
about invisible dimensions, extra-
polating from the fact that the sensory
world is an illusion, that microscopes
and telescopes prove the distortions
registered by optical observation,
as well as that people can only see what
they expect to see, can only hear

What they have been told is possible,
it is quite clear that the sensory world
consensus is just as relative as the
non-sensory spiritual and metaphysical
dimensions, therefore the joy blooms
in me: We can change everything
that forms our reality because people
like us brought it about and we have

The same power to create totally new,
completely wonderful realities!

Otherworldly Dimensions

When all else fails, when silence descends
the world comes alive again in the magic
and mayhem of modern mysteries, the
marvels of crop circles in England

The unending debates, the suspicion
that the universe is so much bigger than
limited sensory evidence can reveal, the
comedies played by hard-core materialists

Trying to anchor themselves to the smallness
of human retina vision, limiting life to the marks
of miniature quarks left in large hadron colliders,
their skepticism that leaves them without the power

To discern any unexpected evidence of otherworldly
dimensions, I prefer being a dreamer who believes
in unseen spiritual spheres rather than sinking into
the black hole of eternal cynical skepticism

Scorpion-You And Cancerian-Me

I know Scorpion-you can’t help it, when I say and do
the wrong thing, you have to sting, and Cancerian -
me can’t help being sensitive and hurting inside, we
are not a very good team, Scorpion stinging all love
and ideals all the time; Cancer trying to pull deeper
into her shell…

Superclusters In A Bubble Universe

Playing at being an astronomer studying clusters of
stars, Virgo and our own Galaxy - researching the
theory of Star Octahedrons in Superclusters in
an exciting bubble universe

Studying the five Platonic figures with reference to
John Keely’s vibratory physics; augmented by Lyall
Watson’s pyramid ideas and David Wilcock’s
sun cycles and astrogenetics

Formulated by Maurice Cotterel; while dabbling with
astrology found in Linda Goodman’s exquisite terms,
determining the relevance of Zechariah Sitchin’s
Sumerian clay tablets

Bewitched by books and imagination in my fairy tale
life, changing into many people, becoming a poet to
praise the wonder and delight…

Diaphanous Wings Of Dreams

Dreaming of my own Phantom, dreaming
that he will come and sing a song with me,
teaching me to sing a sweet duet with him,
dancing an old-fashioned minuet, before he
fights a duel with the Vicomte de Chagny

I’ll choose the Phantom every time, to re-
deem his soul by endless love and tender-
ness, by meaningful discussion of life’s
mysteries, by kissing his scarred face,
the symbol of the scars in his heart and

Soul, redeeming him from cynicism and
bitterness until his eyes shine with new
glory; until he knows happiness and joy
and become the personification of good-
ness and beauty, until the songs that play

In his mind takes him up into the celestial
spheres high up above, until new melodies
of infinite sweetness and delight change
me into a musical theme and I float off
on the diaphanous wings of dreams…

The Rutaceae Family

The importance of Measures Phytosanitary may
never be underestimated

All shall be complemented by the right Plant Health
Glossary, pre-clearance and

Additional declaration shall be required, no
Xanthomonas citri in the parent trees

The blood-line must be pure, no muggle trees shall
be tolerated, only full-blood

Citrus in the Rutaceae family will be imported, having
received the Dementor kiss of death

Seeds sprayed with hydrogen peroxide and
fumigated…


I must make a note for future reference, this kind
of document will become a repeat experience; but
blogspot is as italicless as I am myself:

L08 0369 REP FRE

Blue French = Red English
Prohibition des = Prohibition from
Matériel végétatif = Plant material
Declaration additionelle = Aditional declaration
Latin disease in italics Xanthomonas citri
Permis préalable = pre-clearance certificate
Existe = Occurs / is present
Établissant = Stating
Sera décrit = Shall be described

INTERNATIONAL STANDARDS FOR PHYTOSANITARY MEASURES
(Canada) Plant Health Division - Glossary of Terms

Being The Dunce In Class

I believed in illustrating my notes to make
the time pass in class, somehow it seemed
like an eternity from when a lecture started
until we reached the end, and having done
a reading test and received such bad marks,
I was resigned to being the dunce in every
course I attended…

Old French Notes 1979

As we have to pack up at work, I’m bringing
my old files home, I’ve kept my notes from
the special course in French in 1979 that pre-
pared us for French I, since I lived for my
studies only, I did well

But it was because of the allergy; I was tired
and scared a lot of the time, so I worked and
slept all the time; I had been told that I couldn’t
read very well, thus convinced of being blessed
with very little intelligence

I was determined to work myself to death
to pass my favourite subjects such as
French…

There Is A Tavern In The Town

One of the songs that lifts my spirit when I’m
down, in the end it always makes me laugh,
I visualize a friend who always got angry when
her husband went drinking on his own

“There is a tavern in the town, where my true
love sits him down, and drinks his wine ‘midst
laughter free, and never, ever thinks of me!”
It is a jolly melody, makes me want to dance

A jig, get hold of friends and wine and serenade
everyone - “Drink, drink, drink, to eyes that are
bright as the stars as they shine in the sky…
May those lips that are red and sweet

Tonight with joy my own lips meet!” I see Mario
Lanza belting out this song in the Student Prince;
I think, I see him serenading a beautiful Jeanetta
MacDonald who stares at him

With shiny eyes and Marilyn Monroe hair, before
she pouts at him – then the story derails, I visualize
a funny scene, her stumbling on her way downstairs,
the audience laughing and general chaos

While Mario Lanza catches her most adroitly
in his arms - gone is the headache,
I’m laughing again!

My Notes in Literary Science 1979

Mr Muller commented on a poem
he deemed quite asinine, the poet
said ‘Only God can make a tree, but
poems are made by fools like me’,
Mr Muller said ‘Yes, You Bloody Fool’ –
I was making a drawing of Mr Muller
at the time and wrote down his words
in Afrikaans, he was so intense in
criticizing the idiot poet, it seemed
just right to chronicle his kind words
for posterity…

The Wonders Of Life

I love the Libran poet’s happy effusions of
delight in love, I love reading the stories he
tells, he always lights a spark that infuses
the day with a make-believe feeling of af-
fection, telling the story of love growing
towards a state of perfection; formerly
that would have meant end of story

But now I know that the spiral of life is
endless growth and there is no ending,
therefore perfection is the new beginning
for the next adventure to reach a higher
plane, the circle is never-ending, just as
the earth circles the sun in spirals and the
sun circles the Milky Way Galaxy’s centre

And the Galaxy is moving towards the Virgo
cluster and the whole configuration is
speeding towards the Great Attractor as
explained by the Seven Samurai; there
is no end to all the movement; every
ideal is a milestone on the never-ending
road to infinity; those who wish to rest

Are welcome to admire the view, the journey
is more important than the destination since
we are assured we never get life done and we
can’t get it wrong, the path is determined by
the chosen objective and purpose, and we are
free to choose all those, we set our own stan-
dards and create our own criteria

The current civilization is a man-made decision
and once mass-consciousness changes, man-
kind will create new human artifacts and new
forms of communication and interaction; it is
exciting to read the prophecies of prophets
and seers, to study developments in science
like project Haarp, the atom-smashing search

For the missing bosons; astronomical adventures
of the Seven Samurai – and once the mind is bent
out of form by all these sciences, to return to the
sweet, comforting poet depicting the most
beautiful fantasies of love – this is heaven indeed,
I’m glad I cannot sleep, it affords me the time to
reflect on the wonders of life!

Learn To Knit In Standard One

All my classmates, in the first row : Etienne Frans Hattingh,
Danie, Jan, second row: Petro, Martie Small, Barbara, Karla,
Elaine, Els Diepeveen next to me - looking askance; Martie
Medium , at the end of the row, Laurette known as Lola,
next row: Isabel May, Amanda, Jansie Lourens, Karen,
Hester Brandt, Henriëtte, Ada Bean, Natasja Benade,
last row – Leon, Charles, Willy, Adolf, Hendrik, Jonathan
Lunenburg and Miss van Rensburg

When we were eight, my twin sister and I, we had to
learn knitting in standard one, I trembled and shivered,
so did my sister, we simply couldn’t master the art of
knitting at all - my mother declared she had taught
us embroidery and knitting when we were small, really small,
before we were four years old - Why couldn’t we remember
at all? In any case, one of the boys forced to sit next
to me pushed me

From my seat into the passage; while my sister and I
hated knitting classes – what a horrible year; filled with
fear - the year we were eight years old, in standard one,
instead of books we had files, mine was a mess,
as for the rest – it’s history…

I Dreamt of Help

When I feel ill, I look for comforting things,
I grab my astrology book and reassure myself
on the sensitivity and sweetness of my Virgo
friend, and the grumpiness and undercover
need for flattery of my Capricorn boss, I’m
Cancer myself – speaking astrogenetically –

And must be quite a trial to my nervous Virgo
travelling companion, he has a first-aid kit
stashed away, taking up all the space on the
boat in which we drift downstream; leaving
very little place for my honeycakes and tea –
while stubborn Capricorn has sworn never

To support my hare-brained scheme of writing
a dream into infinity, I send messages to him
on paper, folded as aeroplanes; all the while
communicating intermittently by owl-post
with my Virgo friend when he goes away and
I’m alone resting on the shore, looking through

Recipe books for making pies and baking cakes,
I seldom get around to try any of those, my Scorpio
friend comes around and quite impatiently bakes
an enormous pie that leaves very little room for
anyone else, I’m quite glad he’s so happily occupied,
it leaves me time to retreat within myself

Making up stories concerning mermaids and fairy
queens, based on the pictures supplied in Arthur
Mee’s Encyclopedia – but feeling ill today; I read
about Capricorn’s wonderful habit of helping a
friend in need whenever he’s called upon, I took
my headache to bed and dreamt of help…

Juicy Lucy, Walt Disney And Paul Gallico

We had a Juicy Lucy on campus and I bought
healthy rye bread with a healthy spread, after
eating it I wish I were already dead, the red-hot
pain searing through my head making it quite
clear that the Second World War was being
repeated through my head and stomach,

Slinked back to my room in the residence, climbed
into bed, turned my face to the wall lying immovable,
passing the time by envisioning exciting events, until
I could rise and do the homework French, working
for an hour, sleeping for an hour, finding the big
dictionary so heavy and unwieldy, not understanding

How people managed to work with such heavy tomes,
I did not know about the allergy; a kindly doctor tried to
combat my fatigue by prescribing whole-wheat food; I
followed it for three years, slowly descending into a pit
of madness and complete despair, the allergy worsened
to a point where I couldn’t concentrate at all

I’ll never forget the terrible fear at the time, worsened by
my doggedly insisting to read Robert Koch’s book on demons
and Hal Lindsay’s terrible prophesies, seeing demons everywhere,
Tannie Yvonne DuPlessis recommended I stop reading, but I was
unstoppable, I took her to see the Walt Disney movie Fantasia
with me, shocked by the dancing demon scenes

My disintegrating health could not combat the whole-wheat diet
in the end, I ended up in hospital, my mind completely gone, but
I knew for sure, Juicy Lucy is a dangerous affair and Tastee Wheat
leads an unwary kid straight down the road to hell; but
Walt Disney movies like Peter Pan with Tinker Bell and
Paul Gallico’s Mouche and Capitaine Coq would infuse
the mind with life again…

Staring At Pictures

Two o’clock in the morning, been slumbering on
the floor, then nightmarish images woke me, my
back still sore, the chicken salad I ate brought forth
terrible allergy symptoms, backache, frustrated
irritation with noise, depression – if only I could
move into a feeling of anger, red aggression always
feels better than cold, black, disabling depression

Managed to escape earlier tonight by blaming the
movie on TV; one time when I was eight, we had
Taystee Wheat for breakfast, remember because
it tasted funny to me, and afterwards my head
disintegrated into black pulp, my mind became a
burning slate and I escaped by climbing into the
enormous bin full of old magazines and reading

Amidst waves of pain, reading to pass the blackness
within my head, sometimes I could stare at pictures
only when I really felt bad, so being able to read
was a sign of a lighter reaction; tonight I tried to
read also - it didn’t work - what did the unholy
pagans put in their chicken salad to cause me this
pain, how soon shall I feel better again?

At least, the Children’s Encyclopedia by Arthur Mee
gave me good things to see, such as the mermaid
above…

Nici Wanted Earrings

Nici wanted earrings for her birthday, I
decided to join her in getting ears pierced,
aware of a faint throbbing in the earlobes,
a happy sensation filled with expectation

Later today we’ll go shopping for shoes, her
old ones look worn as if she danced all night
with the twelve princesses in the fairy tale,
an expedition to find the perfect pair

Afterwards a meal at a restaurant of her choice;
though the day is grey and overcast, joy glows
brightly in our hearts, to change appearance
always make women feel smart, to be free

To hunt for shoes and clothing always infuses
the heart with delight, I can’t wait to get the
day underway, first regular groceries in the
supermarket, then off we go, oe lá lá!

Dreams And Snowflake Events

I take dreams very seriously, firmly convinced
that what we long for and desire ardently will
come true, therefore I dream carefully, trying
out all possibilities before committing to
anything

Reality is a watery place and all our dreams
determine the shape in which manifestations
appear; the geometric form of all snowflake
events is provided by our ideals - my aim
is

Dhammananda’s kindness in emotional per-
fection and simplicity in love, polite speech
and gentleness; our dreams refract the light
from the sun...

On Reading

In standard one we moved house, at the new place
there was a whole drum full of old magazines, I got
in and sat reading for hours, my gran’s old magazines
in the garage was another treasure trove, incorpo-
rating my dad’s detective novels

My uncle and aunt had a room in the backyard crammed
full of different kinds of magazines, when visiting I read
as many as I could, while my paternal gran boasted
millions of comics and photo books, I only went
visiting to read all those

In standard two the teacher kept children’s magazines
in class to be read as soon as we finished work, I read
the adventures of the fairies Wanda and Pikkie and the
French Vicky Villard at boarding school - I loved reading
so much, I was punished

Because I kept forgetting the rule during exams we had
to study instead of reading on finishing work, it was a sad
year, learning about Merino sheep, boring, erosion, the
frog’s life cycle, couldn’t spell fire brigade; couldn’t
master multiplication at all

Until I discovered Keurboslaan and Dr Serfontein became
my talisman, I wanted to be like him, learn a new language
every year, write many books, lift one eyebrow, though
my attempt made me look more like Boris Karlof
than anything else

Since Sean Connery lifts his eyebrow so easily, I suspect Stella
Blakemore, writing as Theunis Krogh, used him as a role model,
the fact that Dr Serfontein used a soft hat as a weapon is a
dead giveaway for 007 …

I’ll Never Confess

Ten years old in primary school, my twin sister and I
in the first row, my sister in centre, I’m on the left,
Petro next to me, Karla Walters next to my sister,
Frans Hattingh in the second row, we used to call him
Etienne in grade 1, Elaine Hulley, Sandra Pretorius,
Els Diepeveen in the third row, Willy Harris and
Jan Breytenbach in the back row, these are the
names of my classmates I remember, some
I saw again, others completely disappeared;
I had a soft spot for one or two of them, but
you’ll have to guess, I’ll never confess…

My Head Will Be Preserved

Suddenly the crocodile HAS to
sort her documents, what to keep
and what to throw away

the brain game we played indicated
I have difficulty with administration
because I never use a consistent

sorting system, one day I file
chronologically, the next day
subject seems the best choice

in the end nothing makes sense,
in this confusion I feel my head
contracting as if being shrunk

by a primitive race who preserve
heads this way – my head will be
perfectly preserved, it is shrinking

on a daily basis, sorting gives me a
headache, lately I learnt I inherited
this from my dad

he throws things in one heap to start
sorting, becomes confused and throw
them back in his cupboard

I’ve stopped sorting for today…

Flavour And Spice

Oh, I’m glad I sometimes misunderstand
and then you come and clear up the con-
fusion, you are an exquisite person with
a fabulous mind and I don’t care what you
put in the pie that is your life; as long as
you make time for me to communicate

Sharing your stories and thinking of mag-
lev trains storming reality; I am content;
I just want to be your friend until the very
end; just want to share a special corner
of fantasy where the Ice Princess is doing
her best to create geometric matrixes for

Shaping dreams from the soft flow of reality,
a reptile to befriend is like a new beginning
and an alligator running around with electro-
magnetic energy on his mind is the very best
thing a crocodile can get; FAD is laughing
because her diplomatic letter was successful

While Alice is grumpy because the crocodile
wants to read two books at once and she is
alone, left to cope with the work on her desk;
no help from the dreamtime Ice Princess;
even the Professor from Unseen University,
Mustrum Ridcully, and Professors Dumbledore

And McGonagall are smiling as Alice cries angry
tears of frustration, trying to turn the mill of
translation all by herself; there is no help from
any quarter - time is marching on - late and
later… the Ice Princess is dancing for joy,
whirling and twirling with feather-soft snow-
flakes; her dream of Crystalline

Showed her a snowman pristine who under-
stands every line in the recipe for making pies
without including pain and lies; adding love
and acceptance for flavour and spice…

Merkabaspin

I need to sit here, immovable,
and merkabaspin in one place,
traveling the universe, visiting
all dimensions within my mind
spiraling completely unfettered
and free

No time will pass while I am
away; I can check out our
Planet’s past, but maybe it
would be more illuminating to
see our future; following one
timeline down the

Trousers of time - see how
mankind developed beauty in
future ages; I want to listen to
new forms of music in which
we melt into sound and be-
come melodies that reverberate

I want to see what we did with the
concept of unconditional love and
respect for our differences

Merkabaspin is my dream today,
turning so fast that I surpass
all earthly constriction of

Place and time…

A Special Being

I have no power left, seasonal September changes

took my power away, I combat fatigue trying to

think positive thoughts, striving for high ideals

Fatigue and listlessness change life into a fight

to stay upright, I dream a Special Being with

a magic touch making me strong enough

Shuffling office to couch punctuated by briefly

uplifting forays into ice-cold pool; too tired to

carry anything out, too bound by manacles

Can’t complete a job, keeping appearances

between rest periods, seeking energy in

health food; today fatigued more than yesterday

Hide inability to be alive, head too heavy for my neck,

symptomatic relief of distress will be worth gold,

pain is killing spirit

I see a sad world meaning my tired eyes look at

my own sad reflection…

Effervescence

Said Blue, don't have to make a choice because
it’s irrelevant, asked Indigo, because we can’t
make choices doomed to follow lines pre-set
or because we freely make choices without
realizing it? Talking to you leads to more
questions than answers, you are a Sphinx
full of riddles; being flexible and changing
our guarantee of eternal youth.

What with me trying to be a tree while being
a busy little bee, and fooling other trees of
society to accept me as a an imitation of tree;
I appreciate the fact that you are looking to
water to influence your immovable being;
imagine me, a bee posing as a tree, and you,
a water baby forced to be a riverbank - amazing
what insight life brings.

I have overstayed my welcome and exhausted
your conversation for at least three hundred
years; falling into an ominous silence after a
while; suffering from nervous exhaustion and
mental fatigue after listening to my irresponsible
critique of the world as it is –

Please, imbibe some intoxicating drink and strive
to forgive my unholy cheek in storming the holy
portals of your mind's poetic calm so that within
a week you can withstand some more of the
same, with great contriteness and wishes for
speedy convalescence from the terrible
effervescence that is me, the busy bee…

Replied Blue, irrelevant because no need entering
the matrix of choice, existing separately or included
as you may choose, intermingling or exchanging
personalities - becoming the other while still being
the same, becoming the whole while being the same
underneath - I AM a dream-world daughter; as well
as the riverbank also, I comprise the river in spate;
I am everything I can imagine in order to actualise
me, that’s why I write poetry...

Replied Indigo, and I comprise a myriad things and
beings also, I know what you mean…

A Magic Practice

Got to wait till three before I can get Nici
from the expo at university, saw an expo
with info on the Internet, globalwarming-
truth.googlepages.com

Informing us human cause forms but 1 per
cent, the rest is due to natural emissions,
my eyes are big, such thorough research
done be kids?

Polyps form on vocal chords of those who
force the voice in ignorance of bello canto
and grate and ground their sounds; ballet
shoes redesigned

To lessen pain when dancing on their toes;
presented neatly within the box, hypothesis
leading to logical conclusion simplistically,
I’m so impressed

My mental block makes all practical research,
set out in staccato points, a magic practice
in my eyes…

http://globalwarmingtruth.googlepages.com

The Star Of Ideals

I’m not anchored very well on mother earth,
from red to the solar plexus, though I’m filled
with love, it’s mostly theories and things, books
I can open and close, people I cannot

I love communication and third-eye mysteries,
but all alone in my head - spiritual indigo not
penetratrating me, I’m as closed off and limited
as I’ve ever been, my life held together

By hope only, I trust in things I cannot see, believe
in ideas with no equivalent in sensory reality, my
life follows a single trend: Moving from magic to
mystery in a dream, without a shred of evidence

But I never give up hope, hope shining in silver
and gold against a dew-fresh background,
I keep following the star of ideals…

Arthur Mee’s Encyclopedia

Kate Turkington’s book - More To Life Than Surface-
shaping up nicely, delighting me with her childhood
memories, reading Arthur Mee's Children's Ency-
clopedia and being quizzed by her sister on its contents
I also read parts of it and loved the articles about the
stars in the sky and thought the whole universe consisted
of the Milky Way only; I loved the illustrations of fairies
and little children and the information on gods and
goddesses.

Whereas in Kate’s house it was complemented by
Shakespeare and moralists, we had Langenhoven’s
Complete Works and the Afrikaanse Kinderensiklopedie,
illustrated so enchantingly with Dante’s Hell and Purgatory,
and abounding with stories of Siegfried, Kriemhilde and
Brunhilde…

Between Langenhoven’s stories of Herrie the elephant
pulling a tram, spirits walking the earth, Aunt Effie’s F’s,
Brolloks and Bittergal, Loeloeraai on the Moon,
Soetlief and Liedla, the Fairy, the magazines “Die
Jongspan” and “Patrys”, I managed to pass the
quickmire time that seemed to keep us stuck in some
kind of limbo where nothing ever happened ...

A Radiant Mind-Glass

(Fundamental truth of conscious mind)

Thoth drew pictures of these ideas forming
images in the mind to be read as pictorial
reminders; travel in his truth space to learn
the language of a mystic light traveler

Today it is called memory, a shared experience
of inner light , mnemonic language glyphs as
still resonators of meaning, traveling through
energetic monoliths to find the

Meaning of language, its purpose in history
of consciousness – the symbols like micro-
portals which dot the dimensional landscape
like a scroll in a Player Piano -

­The Scroll of Thoth – re-playing the information
stored in the Halls of Amenti, finding the Emerald
Tablet of Hermes, a radiant mind-glass cut from
clear Beryl with only the colouring of

Emerald and aquamarine

[The ­inner connection between light patterns and outer forms]

Why I Am A Crocodile

The oldest region in the brain –
the stem, resembling the brain of
reptiles, determining alertness,
regulating body processes
like breathing and heartbeat,
preceding mammals by
200 million years

Controls breathing, heart rate
and fight or flight mechanism,
instinctual and ritualistic impulses,
fundamental needs – survival and
maintenance, emerging from the
spinal column at the
base of the skull

Emotions - love, hate, fear, lust,
contentment, emanate from it;
sophisticated reasoning and
intellectual capacity for rational
thought were later added,
the reptilian brain overrides
rational brain components

My reptilian brain feelings are strong
overriding all rational thought, it snaps
at me if I do not serve its needs,
it needs constant emotional
stimulation sought in strange
perspectives on intellectual
information

Not fitting into sophisticated
mammal society, being irrational
completely, the crocodile bends
light rays to see a totally different
picture than that which other people
claim they can see…

Malfunction In Their Heads

Nici confessed in secret she received
two school debits today, her nails too
long, a book left at home, an evil
teacher dared to change her day
into a nightmare

Teacher’s playing god, what terrible
malfunction in their heads makes
them forget destructive criticism
kills small minds?Are their minds
thus so warped

They see themselves beyond reproach,
judgmentally seated armed with stones
ready to throw at the first who may
incur their wrath? Are they conceited
as well as blind?

Why do other people set themselves up
as adjudicators against the rest of us?
I used to think teachers go straight to
heaven, now I know the pathway leads
straight to hell…

(Baby Nici, me in background, Sister Jo in front)

Tiaan Only Thirteen

Tiaan only thirteen
taller than I – vulnerable
hurt himself beginning to shave
never had sympathy before
know better now
bitten by a dog this weekend
size no guarantee of safety

Still pull my fingers through his hair
kiss his cheek
discovered his powerful new male voice
never struck me before
in spite of three brothers
can’t believe how he is
growing away from me

a new self-conscious attitude
no longer a cuddly little boy
I love him – still think
he will be a success
long for the smaller version
trusting his mom to take care of him
this new independence shocks

Pray he will always be my little boy
huggable – seriously a-social like his mom
who refuses to invite friends
prefers reading and computer games –
wanting the best for him so like me
no strange foods no friends…

Positive Things Of Love

Oh, the monstrous thrill of the Philadelphia experiment,
sitting all alone in my room and reading about people
vanishing and reappearing welded to the iron rails of
a modern ship, the USS Eldridge, the idea was fixed
in my mind, I believed unconditionally – today I still
do simply because the idea is so outrageous that no
imagination could have come up with this, fact is
stranger than fiction and nobody sucks strange events
out of their thumb, where there is smoke, there is a
fire, and if I’m willing to believe in things without being
able to see it, like electricity, magnetism and feelings
like love – simply by observing the results of certain
actions; then I’ll believe in eye-witness accounts also;
it is better to believe in everything and not be squeezed
into cynicism by a negative, suspicious attitude; wild
beliefs lead to wide-eyed wonder while worldly-wise
cynicism lead to angry eyes and skew mouths; I’d
rather be a happy, radiantly happy fool than an ugly,
bitter cynical atheist who tries to prove himself right
at the cost of all joy and happiness – simply because
man’s greatest desire is to be right – while the need
for joy counts more with me; I’m willing to accede
that everybody is right, that all have taken hold of
some part of reality; for the happiness it affords and
the clear indication that respect for others cannot
maim or hurt or cause pain and blame, since no final
truths can be proven, I use the criterion of beauty and
Occam’s razor to cut all ideas down into what is simple
and beautiful and what is not; preferring the simple and
beautiful to everything else brings me joy and makes
people smile; those who frown are frowning at the
ugliness of their theories of an irrational, malevolent
universe; if they look out with that negative expectation,
they create such a world, when we look with a positive
expectation, it becomes positive for us – we create with
every look, every word, every thought, I wish I could
gain such control that I only ever created beautiful,
positive things of love!

I’ll Have To Fetch the Fairytales Again…

Yesterday a pizza, laughing at the gods’ decree
that I shouldn’t have any, then Nici came home
with flap-jacks made at school, recrimination in
her eyes when I refused to partake, so I had two

All seemed fine, watching TV - suddenly found
nothing made sense any more, it was So You Think
You Can Dance, for Pete’s sake, not an intellectual
challenge at all, yet suddenly all seemed

Much too droll; I felt like running away, screaming
at the top of my voice for the discomfort in my ears,
my friend the Allergy making sure I don’t get too
swollen a head because life is running smoothly

I managed to work on documents today; hubby
helped Tiaan with his picture story and coloured
some pictures for him, his colleague did the same
for his little boy also; Nici refuses to divulge

Any info on her school tasks to keep her overzealous
dad at bay; I fled with the notebook into my room, far
from the blaring TV, faced with a choice between
Swami Prabhupada and Kate Turkington

I’m at a loss – I’ll have to fetch the Fairytales again,
reread my favourite classics, there is nothing else…

An Inner Soliloquy

I do not write poems about my joys and sorrows
to request commiserating replies from others,
but to express my feelings and share in case
someone derives benefit from my experience
and insights and discoveries

The mind endows reality with glamour - all part
of an inner soliloquy about the meaning and
necessity of dreaming and writing in life…

Moving Like Lightning

General Thea with General Martin in a
stranglehold, she is Martin’s younger
sister, but she is a better General than
most, she is held in awe by a Police
General, as he declared at the function
she organized; she can work most people
under the table with her exceptional ability,
now you see her, now you don’t, she’s moving
like lightning, such an energizing sight to behold!