Spectres Haunt Me

There is a fast spinning top in my head, turning
faster and faster, I cannot concentrate, I run and
run and my mind jumps from subject to subject
in abject confusion, only calm down long enough
to make funny remarks to the ladies running the
library, time is in flux, dilating and contracting and
spinning and stopping

I shall not go to bed tonight, it is idiotic turning over
and over, when I looked in the mirror, I could not
recognise my own face, the stranger is rather ugly
and unfriendly, when I do something it feels as if I
am doing nothing at all - bibliotherapy, I got a few
books to see me through these unsettled times
when I sit still I feel the fear

Growing as I cannot get a grip on my little world
my thoughts are so confused, everything feels
wrong, I have lost the melody that used to span
the themes in my life, all is reduced to filigree
the outline vanishing, sounds drive me nuts, I
feel a deep need to cry and long for a stable
comfort, finding none

Every step scares me, when I sit at my desk
spectres haunt me, whispering voices promise
the loss of friendship and love, all because I lost
my security when the kids left – the awareness
of their consciousness gone, left a hole in my
heart…