Safe From Prying Eyes

I have a sneaky suspicion it was hoped the medication would enable

me to work harder on texts since I can sit quietly for hours on end –

but the medication only deadens nerve ends from my feet to my head,

my mental state of creative endeavour is unaffected and asserts itself

in words to be said, albeit hesitantly, in dreams to be shared, coloured

by my own philosophy

How can I remain mute while everybody else is expressing themselves 

robotically by repeating pre-set lines and terms after researching them in

Positivist fashion - where every terms is taken captive and shackled to

reflect only one layer of meaning without emotion, no associations allowed

– though I laud objectivism and scientific astuteness, I cannot remove myself

from the emotions boiling within my heart

Manifesting in passionate scenes that I cannot enact, shackled myself by a

conservative Puritanism that does not allow for any other emotion other than

piety – trying to be humble and once achieved, immediately guilty of the sin of

taking pride in this humility and thus losing the laurels that should go with it –

therefore I’ll stay a little heathen at heart, conforming to my society

burying my passion and feelings for spiritual existence 

After physical death has released me from the manacles and chains that held 

me so that all my heart contained had to be kept inside,  safe from prying eyes…