A Suffering Argument

This headache is so endemic to my primitive crocodile
system seems it will accompany me to eternity, such
overwhelming fatigue - what if I feel the same in the life
after death, what if this is deep-seated psychological
conflicts and my consciousness gets stuck on this
mental station in the astral dimension -

What if this is an emotional reaction to spiritual problems
I have not addressed as yet? Why not reset my mental
configuration so that the meaning I assign to life becomes
endemic instead? "Suffering through time is supposed to
teach us to stop suffering", the self-satisfied, self-righteous

Self-assigned spiritual guru's claim - and fold their hands in
an ascetic self-congratulatory way while I stare at them - it's
an idiotic argument: misery is inflicted to teach us not to be
miserable - the only way suffering is stopped is by taking the
cause away, "Stop playing victim", the passing guru says

Eyes heavenward, "then nobody can be aggressor"- brilliant,
all problems solved by us becoming insensitive to problems
stalking us, "You brought it on yourself", a sweet disciple
says skipping away happily doing one-hand clapping in his
Zen-trance, irritating me so much I wish to clap the enthusiast

With one hand - the other hand will hold my victim - imagine
how much damage I can inflict while they refuse to play victim
yet I insist on being the aggressor - I'll fix the whole dreamy
group of out-of-body-afterlife, impractical spiritualists!

[5 October 2014]