Sail Away

The maddening pain in my head is destroying
everything I have ever read or said, my world
implodes until there is only one infinitely heavy
dark item left ready to explode back into life as
soon as the headache lifts – but it will not

It clings like a parasite; I accept responsibility for
the crime which has such dire effects: eating that
beautiful baked potato dish my Beloved prepared
with such relish, I did not want to disappoint him
and tucked in with delight – but later that night

The headache claimed my head with spite, I know
it is right to suffer for hurting others but why suffer
for eating with the wish to please another being?
Now I’m estranged, alienated, listlessly looking
through documents, my brain a mushy mess

And I have no feelings left, only sharp edges of pain
that drain all emotion until my head is a flat screen
without pictures or writing…I’m free to do as I please
the only limitation is my body reacts violently to any-
thing identified as threatening - that’s about

Everything - from rice to grain to fat to fish, paying
the price for my own recklessness in eating a rich
bacon &cheese potato dish, slipping into an ink-
black place with inner screens for literal tunnel-
vision, pressing with such force on my ears

Hara-kiri sounds like heavenly purging, losing contact
with all as my head inflates and the software swells
against my cranium, berating myself has no positive
effect while the guru’s chant ‘You create your own
life’ – clearly I create existential distress with

A masterly hand, clearly my Beloved is right when he
says we’ll never travel as my digestive system would
make it a misery, clearly I’m bound to this chair, the
only safety is in waiting with Stoic calm until the storm
abates and I can sail away from this place of pain

[17 November 2014]