Fight This Churning Four-Legged Beast

I wish I were not so set on following the Man
of la Mancha, I wish I did not play the role of
Sancho Panza who chose him for a leader;
but no, only Quixotic quests will do for me,
fighting windmills and any soul-destroying
thing I see – the monthly sword fight that
leaves me bloody and hurt and broken is
the fight against the ubiquitous production
sheet, it goes against my grain to write down
every deed, account for every moment I
breathe; I fight this churning four-legged
beast desperately, although I know it is but
a windmill – it still seems like the devil to me

To brag with every little thing I have done, to
say at what time I stared at the screen and
when I went down the street or skipped down
the passage, feels like self-betrayal and more,
like betrayal of al ideals regarding freedom and
rationality, yet to fight the beast reveals a total
lack of wisdom – nay, of love, a lack of self-love
and love for the authorities to whom I’ve sold my
soul for a salary, if I really had a good image of
self and a John C. Maxwellian conscience, I
would have filled in my production sheet on a
daily basis, yet it seems like the fulfillment of
the book “1984”or Alvin Toffler’s “Future Shock”

My subconscious believes it is my god-given duty
to fight against administrative enslavement and the
mass extinction of imagination and free will – please,
please allow me to let go of my irrational prejudices
against a man-made system that brings so much joy
to humanity, please enable me to fill in forms with joy,
account for every moment of my life on earth, restrict
my mind to the administrative moment at work, enjoy
painstaking research – whoa, wait a minute, however
much I desire to do translation work, dot all the i’s and
cross all the t’s, I realize a miracle of such magnitude
is too much to ask, probably because self-deprecation
will kill my soul, living in a body without a soul is as good
as becoming a ghoul, I would rather be a zombie – or a
blood-sucking vampire, a parasite – there must be a way
to fulfill duty and still be myself – if only I could find it…