Intersecting Relationships

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On page 632 Shantaram says he lost
the mark on the psychic map that says
you are here, identity and personality
are like coordinates drawn by intersec-
ting relationships, we know who and
what we are by reference to the rea-
sons we love special people

The first feeling I recall was abandon-
ment, feeling my life is meaningless, I
had no marks to indicate where I was,
the intersecting relationship we had
with our parents was fiendish alienation
and malice towards each other, living
in hell, no affection at all

There were no reasons to love anyone,
only resentment and anger ever surfaced,
my sister and I were nauseous, lost, without
reference to a safe place or friendship, when
I saw mother, I wanted to cry, when I saw
dad, I wanted to die; imitating my brothers
in everything, expecting help

But they were as lost as we were, grandma
was running and talking and working, at night
when we were ill, only she made an appear-
ance, during the day coldness was palpable,
the relationships in our house intersected at
a point called hatred, therefore we fell on
our knees in adoration

When tannie Marieta appeared and took an
interest in us, teaching us games, taking us
with her on outings, looking like love, so
very beautiful, showing us life, when
she came visiting, the sun came out…

Gregory David Robert “Shantaram” Abacus 2004
Quotes taken from page 632.
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