Something Dreadful

Something so unspeakably dreadful happened
all circuits started closing down - only the pain
remains, the desire to flee is all that is left, the
shock too big to process at once, all attempts
to soften the blow just prolong the after-effects

Thoughts circling each other, whirlwinds twirling
aimlessly, screeching accusations, laming the
short-circuited brain, the moment of shock frozen
in time, no movement away from the trauma, no
description, impossible to formulate feelings

At first I fought back by trying to go on as before,
talking, laughing and smiling, my power ebbing
away until my brain was numb, finally I sought
refuge in the only place of safety, the library,
only children’s books to cushion my mind

To stop the mad spirals of pain from increasing
in power and inflicting more damage, physical
pain does not stop the emotional suffering, now
is the time to stop playing a game and sink into
the darkness to reach the end of the tunnel

This slow descent is maddening, trying to pretend
nothing is wrong is impossible, I cannot escape the
pain, I cannot continue the fight, need respite, albeit
temporary, I need to feel some sort of shore before
I can continue to do what is required…