Death Feels Like Explosions

Ignored previous records of agony
now I am losing Friday, no more
laughter and fun, no more jokes
and sarcastic remarks, no more
reading, typing, thinking,
left in delirium, mind
reeling

being the happy sufferer of allergy
certain foods blow my mind away
still I eat anything that comes
my way, too late to stop the
domino effect snowballing
once I have crossed my
tolerance threshold

now I have to pay because I did not
count the cost before I launched
myself into a frenzy of food
give me oil in my lamp, keep
me burning, burning, burning
I sang this morning, now I
am burning in shame

everybody is working while I am
breathing and staring and waiting
at least, I know what it feels
like to be dead, Wayne Dyer
says we should prepare for
death by imagining we are
dead already

I am extremely well-prepared, death
feels like explosions and blackness
and stupefaction and flabbergasted
frustration, irritation and total
incomprehension and boredom and
torpor and lassitude and makes
me wish for complete

annihilation of comprehension, a
total destruction of awareness...