Mockery & Steps Of Fire

Make A Mockery Of Life

My inner gyroscope is gyrating out of control, not stable at all:

when the world suddenly changes into a scary, unhappy place,

I know my mind is spinning out of control and this panic attack

illustrates how easily my balance is lost in spite of my deciding

to choose certain assumptions and stick to these; I envy people

 

Their self-confidence, even the thickest blockheads who stick to

their own ideas seem to have such a good time while the lifts in

my head not only descend, they stay in the basement and they

can’t move from side to side as they suffocate in the dark of my

mental world; luckily spiritual ideas offer freedom from material

 

Constrictions and JOY is the reason for life- the joy of challenges,

discovering and overcoming obstacles, dreaming up new things

and fighting for these - but as chemical changes destroy ability

to dream and engage with life, the feeling of frustration & the

desperation of suffocation make a mockery of life…

..............................................................................................

Steps Of Fire

I can’t eat cookies and chips and bacon and other wonderful things

while my mental lift is stuck in the basement, this depression means

I can’t get from feeling confused and ill to happy and healthy & it’s

all due to my eating indiscriminately, I know how much better life

 

Seems once I follow a strict regime - - yet sticking to the straight and

narrow seems so boring, as does all routine, indeed: now I must over-

come my low boredom threshold and start enjoying life by following

rules, however restrictive they may seem, I love reading “Soul Music”

 

By Terry Pratchett and dream of steps of fire while wild music is hot-

wiring my mind - but these visions weaken and threaten to disappear

when I do as I please instead of sticking to the boring diet that keeps

my mind focused on the positive aspects of reality…