Eternal Penance

Maybe this is the reason for all unreasonable hatred and
violent attacks in the world: The effects of low blood sugar
sitting upright while my spirit is sinking in a low-blood sugar
swoon makes me murderously angry, I feel like blowing up
the world, the most uncomfortable place in the whole universe

Where people who cannot think straight have to pose as normal
human beings in order to play our self-chosen roles; why did we
choose stupid roles when blessed with blood-sugar-fluctuations,
chemical depressions and attacks of wild aggression? In the car
I must hide my fatigue as you get angry catching me falling asleep

At work I eat like a worm in order to keep from lying down on the
floor, it is enough to drive a saint to desperate measures, a sinner
like me is ready to kill at the drop of a pin – I have learnt to ignore
all my instincts constantly - it would make me act abominably – I
hold my tongue when people make unreasonable demands

Since it might just turn out that I am wrong and they are right, under
the influence of low blood sugar and food allergy it is brilliant to live
undercover, to act like a spy all the time, only I feel so lonely behind
all the fun and games: surely after shedding the physical body my
consciousness shall be free from such fluctuations, if not

Awareness will always be an eternal penance – and that cannot be,
not even the biggest sadist could wish that on me!