My Hero Staal

Told my colleagues about the GPS voice speaking
Afrikaans on your new cell-phone, sounding so very
unmelodious, sharp, almost shrill, then Karen said
– Then who would you prefer, Staal Burger’s voice
perchance - As my eyes lit up at the thought, they
all pointed at me and laughed

In my mind’s eye I could visualise the scene, me
driving happily, Daan Retief announcing in his velvet
Staal Burger voice “Draai regs hiervoor, ‘n-Doedie-van
-my” and Dada going in the background - the rest of the
cast has to be there, of course – “Da!” and when I don’t
turn, Staal saying, “Draai om, Doedie-ou-ding”

As I continue to ignore his directions, I can hear him saying
conspiratorily “Ry jy nie verkeerd nie, né” and then, “Draai
nou hiervoor, Doedie-van-my” and as I ignore him again,
as if I would have the temerity - he sighs in his sexy way
“Maak-‘n-wettige-U-draai, Doedie-ou-ding” and Da-Da
saying “My meneer, Da! my meneer…”

As I drive on in seventh heaven, enfolded in the cloak of
Daan Retief’s enticing Staal-voice - I’ll probably end up in
Timbuktu, even Ouagadougou, but the trip will have been
worth-while - Tiaan declares he would never get into a
car led by my hero Staal’s GPS – as if I care!



Free translation:

“Draai regs hiervoor, ‘n-Doedie-van -my” – “Turn right
here, my sweet”

“Draai om, Doedie-ou-ding” – “Turn around, my sweet”

“Ry jy nie verkeerd nie, né” – “We are losing our way, isn’t it”

“Draai nou hiervoor, Doedie-van-my” – “Turn dead ahead,
my sweet”

“Maak-‘n-wettige-U-draai, Doedie-ou-ding” – “Make a legal
U-turn, my sweet”

“My meneer, Da! my meneer…” – “My boss, Da! My boss…”