Lodestar in the Mahabharata

After a great evening, lying on the couch watching
TV, dancing to the Calypso music of UB40 for pure
joie de vivre, I got into bed, but a sore back would
not let me sleep, after curling up on the too small
couch, my back is bent, I have to sit up straight

now to work on my theory that I can ‘flash’ as my
favourite TV character does when the computer in
his brain enables him to master any technique, I can
sometimes dance with wild abandon, speak French
with aplomb when helping someone, but in class

when I want to impress I can’t string a sentence or use
any terms correctly - I cannot flash on demand - Henry
Higgins would have committed hara-kiri if he were to
teach me elocution, one day my pronunciation is fine
while the next it is far below par - these ‘flashes’

are triggered by factors beyond my control, even work
is subject to surges of happiness, dreams, fear, shock,
shame, playing games and self-confidence, as long as
my mind is filled with uplifting thoughts I can do many
things; once barbed-wire feelings appear

threatening my fragile self- concept, even though it is
safely enclosed within concrete decisions - I lose the
ability to act with competence, not being able to rely
on myself I always seek a lodestar and found
one in the Mahabharata, strangely enough…