A Micro-Managed Life

*
Somehow lost the game today, playing
there was meaning to anything, crossed
my boredom threshold and could not
find my way back, I always play that
someone cares, that hope is alive, it
is not meaningless to exist, today all
was lost, just drifted in the pool

Got hold of a book, words being my only
friends, Judith Worthy, about a deaf boy
finding a kitten and both being lost, finally
I could cry about my inability to make it
through my day, the boredom of total
lethargy, catatonic, passed out in my
chair, even my desire for escape

Ravaged by valid criticism and who cares, I
need to escape the feeling of weakness and
boredom, I cannot talk to anyone, apparently
others don’t feel like this, I must hide feeling
bad, I tried to reach out but there was no-
one there, at least books have never let
me down as yet

As I pour my emotions into what I read, I can
deal with the world again, though fearing the
destruction of the feeling of nothingness so
much, spiritual books and religious stuff
assure us there is something more than
the world we can see, there had better
be - because this life

Holds nothing for me, I live a micro-managed
life and it is not working out…
*