A Robotic Entity

*
I am convinced if I destroy my ability to
be me, to become exactly what I ought
to be according to society, if I give up my
identity, I would die, could not live in such
pain for too long, my painful existence at
university, only reading prescribed texts
and focused on my studies only, trying
to become a normal human being al-
most killed me, I ended up a vege-
table - it was terrible

Tonight I worked till kids came home, then
lost impetus, now scaring myself into obe-
dience, to be able to make lists tomorrow:
a list of work to be done, a list of work al-
ready done, a list of work that should have
been done, of the work of the whole Section
of the work of the whole Department, a list
of monthly tasks, no showing hours spent
on administration so our production
always looks worse than it is

Bureaucratic investment to force people to
account for every move they make in order
to make them look as bad as can be, is the
most de-motivating force ever seen, as long
as we show NO initiative, no joy and no crea-
tivity, working like brain-dead ants accounting
for every action as if all we do independently
is an indication of criminal intent and
subversion, is the perfect example
of hell on earth

The only joy left is to remain myself, go under-
ground, be a gleeful clown, untouchable in my
madness, in defiance of all exigency to become
a robotic entity, this strategy worked for King
David in the Old Testament when he faced
the Philistines, what was good for him is
good for me too…
*